


Ever Since We Met

by deweydrops



Series: Four Seasons- A Modern Logyn AU [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bar fights, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Break Up, Car Accidents, Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Diners, Divorced parents, Engagement, F/M, Family Dinners, Family Feels, First Time, Fluff, Forgiveness, Gardens & Gardening, Gen, Graduate School, Grief/Mourning, Grocery Shopping, Hangover, Heartache, Holidays, Hospitals, Humor, Lawyers, Libraries, Loss of Parent(s), Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, New Year's Eve, Non-Explicit Sex, Pancakes, Past Suicide Attempt, Post-Break Up, Psychological Trauma, Remarriage, Romance, Seasonal, Second Chances, Snowed In, Tea, Valentine's Day, Wakes & Funerals, Winter, ski resort, strokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 15:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21654742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deweydrops/pseuds/deweydrops
Summary: Modern-day Logyn AU. Grad student Sigyn is spending winter break scraping by working at a jewelry store, managing her two roommates, and adjusting to life in the city. When ambitious but lonely attorney Loki crosses her path one snowy day, they'll discover how to keep each warm during a winter of ice, snow, and record lows.
Relationships: Hela & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Thor, Loki/Sigyn, Loki/Sigyn (Marvel)
Series: Four Seasons- A Modern Logyn AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797586
Comments: 214
Kudos: 87





	1. A Chance Meeting

The weather report, having predicted a mere dusting of flurries in the morning and clear skies by noon, proved wrong as usual. Not a single snowflake had dotted the air all morning, and when Sigyn had arrived for her shift at Infinity Gems Jewelry, the roads remained clear. The first few flurries delayed their descent from the sky until well past three. But when they did fall, they fell in hard, fast droves. Sigyn watched from her post behind the counter as the roads, the sidewalks, the cars parking along the curb, and the parking meters were swiftly coated in icy pellets. A plow had come by early on in the snowfall, but its efforts were no match for the onslaught. An alert pinged on her phone, announcing the winter storm warning in effect for most of the evening. The faster the snow fell, the slower the hours ticked by.

Business slowed considerably when the snow came in earnest, and now Sigyn stood watch over an empty store. Not that it had been particularly busy even in the midst of the early December season. Somewhere in the back office, Mr. Tivan, the store owner, obsessed over the newest acquisitions and worked on resets and watch fixes, oblivious to the storm. Amora, the only full time employee, had stepped out on break to grab lattes from the coffee shop across the street. Beneath the locked glass counters, gemstones set in gold and silver glimmered on display in their little white cushions. Every piece was unique and exquisite and cost more than her rent for the month. Far from an expert on gems, she silently prayed her customers would refrain from asking her too many questions aside from what she'd learned on her first day. Just under two more months, she told herself, and she'd be back to her comfort zone.

The sidewalks nearly emptied of people. Cars crawled across the snow-packed streets, sliding here and there and struggling over mounds between the tire tracks. Sigyn had no car of her own, but nevertheless the prospect of navigating her way home in the unforgiving ice and unattended walkways. Other storefronts along the street hastily pulled signs from their windows, turned off their lights, and locked up as their workers hurried home.

A dark gray Jaguar pulled up to the curb just in front of the store, easing into a free parking space as though the snow were a mere dusting. Sigyn's interest piqued as the driver emerged, a tall man in a well-tailored suit, his long dark hair and black overcoat a sharp contrast to the white backdrop. He moved with a self-assured elegance, the mounds of snow and ice did not deter his strides at all. And he was striding right to her storefront.

“Welcome to Infinity Gems,” Sigyn chirped as the door chimed open. “May I help you?”

The customer swept the snowflakes from his shoulders as he stepped inside. He glanced in her direction. Sigyn's heart quickened as he looked at her. Her eyes adjusted from the brightness of the snow, and the newcomer's features came into focus. Pale skin, flashing green eyes put the emeralds in their display case to shame, sharp cheekbones and lips quirked into a clever smile that made Sigyn want to smile, too. An ethereal beauty encompassed him, from his features to his posture to the way he moved. Quite unlike anyone she'd ever seen before.

“Perhaps,” he said, his voice deep and smooth. “I'll have a look around.”

He walked along the shop floor, surveying the display cases. Not just the casual perusal of most customers. As though he were analyzing, calculating his options. Sigyn tried to focus her attention on the register, the displays, but always the corner of her eyes gravitated toward him. A magnetic energy tugged at her, pulling her into his orbit. She wondered if she ought to say something- about the gems, a remark about the weather, what he was look for, yet words died on her tongue before she could open her mouth. Instead, she busied herself with wiping down the un-smudged display cases. Her eyes drifted towards his directions, lingering on his figure. His eyes glanced over at her, and she tore her gaze away, nearly spilling the glass cleaner. Her cheeks colored furiously, that she'd been caught staring.

Eventually, he stopped in front of the counter closest to the register, merely a foot away from her.

“Tell me,” said the customer, his eyes on the display of brooches beneath the glass counter. “Which of these do you prefer?”

Despite her lack of knowledge about gemstones, Sigyn was good with customers. She was friendly and helpful and patient and just present enough so as to not be intrusive. Rarely did she find herself so flustered as she did now under this immaculate man's gaze.

“Oh,” Sigyn stammered. “I, I am just the seasonal help here, not really an _expert_ by any means. My opinion won't mean much at all. Now my coworker Amora, she's very knowledgeable, if you'd prefer to speak with her, I'm sure she'll be back-”

“But I am not interested in what _Amora_ thinks,” said the customer. “I am interested in what _you_ think, miss-” He cocked his head.

“Sigyn.”

“I am interested in what _Sigyn_ thinks.”

“Alright.” Sigyn leaned over the counter across from him, looking over the jeweled brooches between them. “Personally I'm fond of this little guy,” she pointed to a gold snake brooch with small crystals along the body and emeralds for eyes.

The customer raised his eyebrow. “Really?”

“It has a personality to it,” Sigyn explained. She leaned over to unlock the counter latch. “A playfulness. A charm.”

“How so?”

Sigyn studied the snake. “The glimmering eyes, mostly. The way they sparkle. And the little tongue sticking out as though it's teasing you.”

The customer's eyes moved up to her, studying her with more intent than he'd been studying the jewelry selection. “You don't find a snake sinister? Dangerous?”

“Not this one,” Sigyn replied. “He was just wants to play. I find him...mischievous.”

“Oh?” said the customer, a quizzical tilt of his head. “Is that so?”

Sigyn flushed under the customer's gaze, and this only caused a sly smile to join his clever, playful eyes. He looked as though she fascinated him, she found the idea laughable. He would probably look at any clerk this way, in hopes of charming his way to a discount or free stuff. He wouldn't get either from her.

At that moment, she realized how close they were, their foreheads nearly touching over the glass counter. Close enough that she caught his scent, fresh with a hint of bergamot.

Sigyn straighten and and cleared her throat. “Yes. Well. That's my opinion, anyway.”

“I see,” said the customer, still leaning over the display. “You've a very unique perspective, Sigyn.”

Sigyn ran her thumb over the keys in her hand. “Um, thank you.”

He stood. “I'd like this one.” He pointed to a crystal brooch shaped like a spinning wheel.

“After all that talking up the snake I did?” Sigyn clasped her hand over her heart in mock indignation.

“No easy task, I'm sure,” said the customer. “But it's not quite the thing for the person I'm buying for.”

“I'm kidding,” said Sigyn, sliding open the display case. “This is a lovely choice as well. The gold setting reminds me of Rumpelstiltskin. The fairy tale.”

“Mmm,” said the customer, watching as Sigyn lifted the spinning wheel brooch off its cushion. Their eyes met between the glass barrier of the display. “Such a tragic tale of a poor fellow cheated out of his rightful claim.”

Sigyn paused, incredulous. “His claim to the woman's baby?”

“Well yes,” said the customer, a facetious gleam in his eye. “Was it a nice thing to do? Maybe not, but he did fulfill his end of the bargain and had every right to demand what was promised.”

“But the woman just made a new bargain,” Sigyn countered. “And besides, she was in a very bad situation and Rumpelstiltskin knew it, so he made her a terrible offer she had to take. All because the king and her father were greedy.”

“Well, Rumpelstiltskin was hardly to blame for that,” the customer shrugged. “He merely provided a much-needed service. A niche industry, spinning straw from gold. He should have compensated handsomely for his efforts.”

Sigyn laughed. “He was a magical loan shark.”

“An _opportunist_, shall we say,” the customer grinned. “Yet hardly the villain of the tale.”

“No, that would be the father who lied about his daughter's preposterous skill,” Sigyn added. “And the king who wanted to murder an innocent person over gold. That poor maiden never stood a chance. And she ends up married to the same man who planned to kill her. Not exactly a happy ending, is it?”

“I suppose not,” said the customer as Sigyn lifted the spinning wheel out of the display case. “But our trickster gets unfairly maligned, particularly if you've heard the original ending.”

“I have,” Sigyn remarked, setting the brooch on the counter and bringing it before her register. “Yet his own greed and lust for power was his undoing. Getting cocky before he got what he wanted didn't help. Always helps to be mindful of the power of words.”

The customer followed her to the register, pulling out his leather wallet. “You really know your tales, Sigyn.”

Sigyn bit her lip, hoping she hadn't annoyed him with her rambling. “Sort of a pet topic. I wrote my undergrad thesis on the trickster archetype,” she shrugged. “Though there's not much of a demand for folk tale enthusiasts in the job market.”

“You've far more insight to share beyond chatting with customers at a jewelry store,” said the customer. There was a reassurance in his eyes. “And what do you do during the other three seasons?”

Sigyn paused. She'd not yet had a customer take so much apparent interest in her. Mostly they asked about the jewelry, the prices, the discounts Mr. Tivan refused to give, and paid her little attention until they needed her. From the corner of her eye, she spotted Mr. Tivan crack his office door open, casting a disapproving look. He disliked idle chit-chat, and no doubt felt she was wasting the customer's time with her ramblings. “Grad school,” she answered quickly, remembering her place.

She scanned the little barcode under the brooch's box. “Would you like a gift receipt?”

The customer's questions ceased, as though he'd detected the change in her demeanor. Instead, he turned his attention to the card reader as it processed the transaction. “Yes.”

Sigyn had handled fine jewelry and the cash register plenty of times in the few weeks since she'd started, yet this man's presence threw a wrench in her focus. She struggled to open the small plastic bag and place the box inside.

“I'm sure your person will love this very much, sir,” Sigyn said once she'd finally bagged the brooch and handed over the receipt. The flush returned to her cheeks.

The clever smile returned. “It's for my mother.”

“Oh?” Sigyn blinked that the intended recipient, oddly relieved that he was apparently not romantically involved. “That's good!”

The customer furrowed his brow. “Good?”

Sigyn shrugged. “It's good, that you're buying her something nice. It means you're a good son.”

He chuckled. “I suppose I am.” He took hold of the bag. “Thank you very much for your help, Sigyn.” As he left, Sigyn caught his reflection in the glass door pane, finding his wry smile replaced by a bashful one.

Minutes later, the door chimed again. Amora, coffee cup in hand, glided through the front door. Sigyn was free to go at last.

Clocked out, coat on, and transit card at the ready, Sigyn stepped out of the store, wrapping her scarf around her neck. The sun had set even though it was just barely past six, leaving the outside a sharp contrast between the deep blue sky and the newly fallen white of the snow. And still no sign of a salt truck or snow plow in sight. Careful of her footing, she made the trek over the hill to the bus stop. As she rounded the corner, the bus was already there.

“Oh no!” Sigyn called, watching as the bus closed its door when the last few passengers boarded. She picked up her pace, sprinting as much as the snow and her boots would allow, hoping in vain the driver would notice and spare her a half an hour wait in the cold. “Wait!”

Her foot slipped. She tumbled onto the ice-covered concrete, the contents of her dropped purse spilling onto the sidewalk. A sharp twist of her ankle shot pain through her leg and she yelped into the dark skies. She sat up amid the uneven mounds of snow, grasping at her foot. Even the slightest touch sent more waves of pain over her.

“Shit,” she hissed, cradling her foot. She would not reach the bus stop like this, let alone make it back to her apartment. She looked over the empty streets. Few pedestrians were walking by, and those who were out moved quickly. The few cars on the streets rolled right past her spot on the sidewalk, far more preoccupied with managing the road to notice. The Infinity Gems storefront was just out of her line of sight, and most of the other storefronts were either closed or too far away. She reached for her phone, but it had landed just beyond her grasp. She could not get hold of it without causing her ankle more pain. Stuck on the icy ground, snow seeping through her ruined tights, she shivered from cold, pain, and fear.

Just then the dark gray jaguar pulled up to the curb in front of her, stopping with the emergency flashers on. The customer she'd helped just a few moments ago rushed over to her.

“Are you alright?” he asked, crouching on the ground beside her.

“I fell,” Sigyn winced.

“I can see that,” the customer said. “How bad is it?”

“It's fine, really.” Sigyn ignored the persistent throb from her foot.

The customer gathered Sigyn's scattered belongings that spilled from her purse until they were in a neat pile beside her. “May I have a look?”

She shivered. He removed his coat and draped it over her lap. Reluctantly, more so out of fear that her ankle was far worse than she'd expected, she slid off her boot. Even beneath her tights, the swelling and redness were plain to see. “Damn,” she whispered.

“Keep still,” said the customer. He pulled out his phone. “I'll call an ambulance.”

“_Ambulance_?” Her thoughts turned to her already tight budget, and the inevitable medical bill she'd never pay off. “No, please. I'm fine.” To prove her point, she attempted to stand, but the moment she put weight on her ankle, she cried out, squeezing back tears.

The customer steadied her as she sunk back down. “Alright,” he said. “Look, you're hurt and you need treatment. I can call an ambulance or I can take you to the hospital myself, but I'm not leaving you here in pain, okay?”

Sigyn whimpered. He was right. She did need help. And she couldn't get anywhere alone. Even under two coats, the snow covered ground caused her to shiver. Who knew how long it would take for an ambulance to get to her? Yet right in front of her was a warm car and someone willing to help her. Still, she did not know him at all. She glanced between her ankle and him.

The stranger leaned in closer. “Tell me what you want me to do. Sigyn.”

Another shot of pain stemmed from her ankle. She closed her eyes. “Will you take me?”

“Of course.” He lifted her arm over his shoulders and secured her waist, lifted her body off the ground and lead her to the car. She settled into the back seat, adjusting his overcoat over her lap like a blanket as the snow on her clothing melted. The car started, tires sliding from time to time over the ice. Sigyn gripped the leather seat at each slide, hoping the customer could manage the drive. Their eyes met briefly from time to time when he checked the rear view mirror, but both stayed silent during the treacherous drive.

The jaguar eased into the emergency entrance of the hospital. Sigyn let out her breath, oddly comforted by the presence of other patients and people moving about in lab coats and scrubs.

The back door opened. The customer offered his hand. “Just a little further, Sigyn. You'll be alright.” He lead her through into the waiting area, already bustling with other injured patients and concerned loved ones. For a moment Sigyn questioned whether she really deserved to be here, with only a hurt ankle compared to the suffering of other patients. Yet the customer settled her into a nearby chair by the door as he spoke to the front desk, glancing over at her. He looked over the nearby magazine rack before returning.

“Not much reading material available, I'm afraid,” he remarked, sitting beside her. “Unless you're also a bass fishing enthusiast.”

“Can't say that I am,” Sigyn laughed lightly though the pain in her ankle never relented.

He adjusted his coat along her lap. “It won't be long.”

They waited in silence, watching as other patients milled around the room. A TV overhead showed the latest news headlines, including a new weather update. Sigyn closed rested her head against the back wall, grateful to be inside. Beside her, the customer busied himself with his phone, earbuds in place and his brow furrowed in concentration. Though he did not speak, his mere presence comforted her. When her name was called, with two nurses and an empty wheelchair to greet her, Sigyn turned over one last time to the customer. “Thank you,” she breathed as they lead her away.


	2. It's A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's patience is tried by work and family issues. Meanwhile, Sigyn takes a step to find the stranger who helped her (with a little nudge from her roommates).

Loki rubbed his hands over his face, his eyes skimming over the first sentence on his screen over and over, seeing the groups of letters that would not form into words in his mind. Years of case law to review, curated in exact order by the law librarian, yet nothing thus far of use to him. Retreading his strategies and case facts over and over left him spinning his wheels, hoping for some glimmer of new evidence or approach he'd not considered. He could not stall out like this. Not now.

His thoughts retreated from his case studies, and drifted back to the previous evening: to the jewelry store, the snowstorm, the lovely young woman and her injured ankle. Certainly a much more pleasant focus than on his current work, he supposed that was why he kept thinking of her. Since leaving the hospital, she'd entered his mind more than once: Her smile, her sparkling blue eyes, her smattering of freckles, her strawberry blonde curls that cascaded down her back, her body leaning against his his, her laugh, her wit, her trust in him. The vague impression of springtime she gave when he'd stepped inside the store, her warmth radiating from behind the counter.

A pang of guilt tainted the memory, one he could not brush aside. He'd left her at the hospital, departing not long after they'd taken her. The excursion had taken up more of his time than he'd planned, and he was due in court the next morning to file a motion. He had to get back to work.

_I should have stayed with her. _He thought, though he'd already done more than enough by stopping when she'd fallen and taking her. The hospital was safe. She was fine. He owed her nothing else.

Why, then, did he think of her?

_Perhaps I should return the spinning wheel,_ He thought idly, eyes drifting towards the window. _Or just have another look at the pins. _

From his vantage point in his corner office, Loki could see the lobby below, along with the security desk and revolving doors. The Jotunheim Centre, a towering downtown skyscraper, housed dozens of businesses, a credit union, a coffee shop, and a few small food chains within its many floors and expansive lobby. Visitors to the building numbered close to the hundreds each day. Skurge, one of the building's security guards, now argued with one such visitor.

One very familiar visitor. Who absolutely had no business in the building lobby.

Thor, angrily pacing back and forth as Skurge tried to calm him, glared up at Loki's office. And though Loki was certain Thor could not see him, he avoided standing before the window, focusing instead on the Gast case file.

Instead, the inevitable call from the security desk came through.

“Yes Skurge.”

“Yeah, uh, Mr. Odinson. Your brother's here again.”

Loki closed his eyes. “As I've said before, tell him I'm not in the office today.”

Muffled voices over the line as Skurge spoke to Thor. “He said to tell you he's not in the office.”

Loki dropped his head into his palm, resigned to the tantrum that awaited as Thor stormed through the lobby and up the elevator, ignoring Lorelai at the firm's reception desk and blasting into the Loki's office.

As if on cue, Thor burst through the door, a glowering. “Loki!”

“Thor,” Loki nodded, leaning back in his chair as his brother closed in. “To what do I owe the pleasure? An unfair arrest? A lawsuit? Or has the lack of winter construction projects left you with nothing better to do all day?”

“Your security guard is an imbecile,” Thor boomed as he charged towards Loki's desk.

“Well aware.” Loki crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat. “Did you truly come all this way to inform me of this?”

“He knows damn well who I am,” Thor went on, pointing an accusatory finger at Loki. “Yet he challenges me again.”

“And as _I_ recall,” said Loki, “I told you never to bother me while I'm working. Business hours are for emergencies only. Yet here you are. Again.”

“This _is _an emergency!” Thor insisted. “The goddess of death is coming.”

“Ah,” said Loki, rolling his eyes at Thor's charming moniker for their older sister. She worked as a funeral director and owned several funeral homes throughout the city. Years ago, while Thor and Loki were still away at college, she'd had a serious falling out with her father over a failed joint business venture. The broken relationship eventually spread to the whole family and no one had spoken to her in several years, though Loki still received the occasional card from her. Neither brother ever knew the exact details, but Thor remained firmly convinced their father was right and their sister in the wrong. “And what could _Hela_ have possibly done now?”

Thor huffed. “Mother invited her to Christmas dinner.”

_Well this could get interesting, _Loki thought, though showing Thor anything other than indifference would only prolong this unwelcome visit. So Loki scoffed. “And how is that _my _problem?”

“Because you need to tell Hela she's not allowed to come.” Thor paced throughout Loki's office, stopping at a bowl of chocolate mints Loki kept out for client meetings. Thor helped himself to a handful.

“I'm afraid that's not up to me.”

“Then tell mother to uninvite her!”

“And what makes you think I have any say whatsoever in Mother's plans?”

“It's your job!” Thor countered. “She must be stopped, Loki.”

“Stopped from what? Taking too many leftovers?” Loki rolled his eyes. “Unfortunately for you, brother, I do not work _pro bono_.”

“Pro-what?”

“It means,” explained Loki, rising, “That if you were ever falsely accused of murder, or fraud, or tax evasion, or any other _legal matter_ and you could afford my fees, I would gladly allow you to come in here and unburden your soul and partake of my mints.” He pointedly snatched the candy bowl away from Thor's reach. “But unless that happens, dear brother, I'm afraid I can't help you.” Loki opened the office door. “Though I would be remiss if I did not send over an invoice for our time today. I trust you know your way out?”

Defeated, Thor trudged out of Loki's office, glaring daggers at his younger brother the entire time. Loki closed the door behind him, debating whether he ought to have one Lorelai draft the invoice. Instead, he sank back into his chair, attempting to return his focus to the case law at hand.

But Thor's visit needled him. Barging in unannounced, unconcerned with anything other than his own ego, demanding Loki drop everything to accommodate him, his sulk when he didn't get his way. It was utterly typical.

Which only irked Loki further.

“Damn him!” Loki snapped, throwing a stack of post-it notes across the desk. His shoulders slunk, defeated. Exhausted. He wondered what else could possibly happen to annoy him today.

Just then, his phone rang.

*****

“And some nice frozen peas,” said Darcy as Sigyn settled onto the futon in their apartment. She placed the bag on her ankle, still wincing from lingering pain. “Need anything else? No walking for you today.”

“I'm fine, thanks,” Sigyn sighed, shifting while the chill seeped into her muscle. Her ankle, despite the pain and swelling, was merely twisted. Not a fracture as she'd feared. She was released after about an hour after being called in, with instructions to keep weight off it, ice it, elevate it, and take a few aspirin for the pain. And an expensive hospital bill on the way, she was sure.

She'd called Darcy for a ride home once she'd been released. Though relieved to be back in her own room, she'd slept poorly that night. Her muscles stiffened as she'd kept her foot immobile, a stack of pillows under her heel. Now she arched her back, stretching the lower muscle as far as it would go. “You've done plenty.”

“No worries,” said Darcy. “But I wouldn't make it a habit. I might be pretty busy this break after all. That fancy toy store downtown finally got back to me. Looks like they did need my help this season. I start tomorrow.”

“Oh?” said Sigyn. “Doing what?”

“Not sure,” Darcy shrugged. “But it's a toy store. Can't be too bad, right?” She turned, disappearing into her room.

Sigyn smiled to herself as she sat back onto the futon, pulling her fleece blanket over her lap. Darcy was a political science grad student at the same university as Sigyn. They'd met when they were searching for apartments near the campus and decided to become roommates. They became fast friends after moving in. She admired Darcy's optimism and can-do spirit.

Sigyn and Darcy lived with one other roommate, a third grad student named Mantis. Though classes were not in session at the moment, Mantis still had plenty of work to do when she wasn't logging clinic hours needed for the child psychology program. Now she'd taken over the dining table as she typed away on her laptop, oblivious to anything else around her.

“By the way, whose coat is this?” asked Darcy, holding aloft the customer's coat as she returned to the living room. “You left it in my car.” She opened the collar, checking the coat's inner label. "_Damn_," she remarked, revealing the logo of an Italian designer Sigyn did not recognize. "_Nice_." 

“It's not,” Sigyn confessed, adjusting the frozen peas on her ankle. “It belongs to a guy who helped me when I fell.” She'd forgotten all about it after leaving the hospital.

Darcy quirked an eyebrow. “A knight in shining armor came to your rescue? You left out that part.”

“More of a stranger in a fancy car,” said Sigyn. “And an overcoat. He let me use it to stay warm on the way to the hospital. He was gone by the time they let me go.”

“Aww, look at you meeting people,” Darcy teased. “So, you're gonna give this back, right? Or is it a souvenir?” 

The last 24 hours had passed in a blur of pain and cold. Sigyn recalled the details after her fall. She thought of him, recalling how he'd come to help her, how on the drive over, his eyes in the rear view mirror, meeting hers as she stretched out in his backseat, helping her into the emergency room, staying in the waiting area until they'd called her in. Then he was gone. And she'd still had his coat over her shoulders.

“I'm not sure,” she said, disappointment in her voice. “I have no idea who he was. I didn't even get his name.”

“Did you check his coat pockets?” asked Darcy. “Might be a clue in there.” 

“Of course not,” Sigyn protested. “I can't just go looking in his stuff. It's creepy.”

“Yeah, you're right. Holding onto a stranger's coat is totally not creepy at all, though.”

Sigyn rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She dug her fingers into the coat pocket, pulling out a few receipts, some small notes she couldn't interpret, and finally a small stack of business cards:

_Loki Odinson_

_Laufey and Associates_

_Attorneys at Law_

“Oooh, a lawyer,” Darcy cooed. “Hey do you think he can help me sue my ex? He still owes me like $50.”

Sigyn studied the card, looking over the address and numbers listed beneath the heading. The main office, the direct line, an email address. All readily available to hand out to strangers. Surely it wouldn't be strange to get in touch with him.

But he hadn't given the card to her. She'd found it. Rooting through his coat pocket.

Besides, he was busy. She should not bother him at work.

“I guess I could just take it with me when I get back to work?” Sigyn offered, flipping the card between her fingers. “He'll know where to find me. I'd hate to interrupt him.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Would you just call him? The man needs his coat.”

Sigyn bit her lip. Should she? He'd been very kind to her, but he may not appreciate being bothered at work. Surely an attorney had more important things to do than take chat with a stranger.

“There's a polar vortex coming in,” Darcy went on. “If he doesn't have his coat, he could freeze to death. Do you really want blood on your hands?”

Mantis looked up from her studies. “Cold, frozen blood...”

Darcy nodded. “Cold. Frozen. Blood.”

“Alright,” Sigyn relented. “He probably won't even answer anyway.” Her fingers traced over the deep wool of the coat. With her other hand she reached for her phone and dialed the number listed on the business card. Her thumb poised over the call button, inexplicable shyness held her back. Mantis and Darcy looked on. Darcy mouthed _Cold Frozen Blood_ once more, and Sigyn pushed the button.

Thee rings and a click. “Loki Odinson.”

“Yes. Hi,” Sigyn began, her breath caught at the sound of his voice. “Is this Loki Odinson?” She cringed the second the words left her mouth.

“...Yes.”

“It's me, Sigyn. With the twisted ankle? You helped me the other day.”

A pause. “Hi.”

Sigyn took a breath. “I still have your coat. I wanted to give back to you. Before the polar vortex. So you don't freeze to death.” She cringed again.

She thought she heard a faint chuckle on the other end. “I see. I suppose I'll be needing it back, then.”

“I can stop by your office?” Sigyn offered. “I'll drop it off there.”

“You may,” Loki replied, and Sigyn noted how rich his voice sounded even over the connection. “And tell me, how is your ankle?”

“Oh, much better now, thank you,” Sigyn adjusted the bag of frozen peas. “Can I come by tomorrow?”

“I will be here.”

When the call ended, Sigyn sighed with relief, noticing her heightened pulse as the call ended.

Darcy gave her a thumbs up. “Now that wasn't so bad, was it?” 

Sigyn hopped off the bus downtown, the customer's- Loki's- coat carefully draped over her arms. According to the business card, his office was located inside the Jotunheim Centre, one of the imposing skyscrapers in the business section of the city.

She shuffled through the revolving door, entering the expanse of the lobby with its white marble floors and fountain in the middle. A few wreaths were hung from the glass balconies for the season. She checked a directory, finding Laufey and Associates listed on the third floor, and moved towards the elevator.

“Miss?” A voice at the security desk stopped her.

Sigyn turned. The security guard scowled at her. “Oh, sorry,” she said. “I'm here to see Loki Odinson.” She held up the coat. “To return his coat.”

The security guard shook his head, a scowl on his face. “I don't think so, miss. You're not bothering him with personal stuff anymore.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” the guard went on, voice rising. He stood, his burly figure looming over her. “No one is to bother Mr. Odinson while he's working.”

“But-”

“Off you go, miss,” said the guard sternly, gesturing towards the door. “No more family business-”

“Skurge, that's enough.” Loki emerged from the elevators, walking over to the desk. He walked with a cat-like grace past the fountain. “Leave her alone.”

The security guard opened his mouth to protest, but Loki silenced him with dismissive wave. “It's good to see you, Sigyn,” he said. “And walking upright.”

“It was only a bad twist, nothing broken,” said Sigyn. “I'm much better.”

“Ah,” said Loki. “Full recovery.”

“Anyway,” said Sigyn, holding up Loki's coat. “Thank you for letting me borrow this.”

“It was no trouble.” Loki took hold of his coat. But he did not turn to leave, still watching Sigyn.

“And for driving me.”

“Of course.”

“And staying with me.”

“You're welcome.”

The coat returned to its rightful owner, the exchange completed, both were free to go their separate ways. Yet neither moved. Loki watched her, and Sigyn blushed at his gaze. Until he stood before, Sigyn had no idea how much she enjoyed being near him; that she'd _missed _him, this man she'd only known for less than a day.

Behind the security desk, Skurge's eyes shifted between the two of them, mouth agape.

“Listen, if there's any way I can thank you, properly, I'd love to,” Sigyn spoke up.

“Is that so?” Loki replied, looking down at her. She nodded. “Will you allow me to buy you a drink?”

Sigyn tilted her head quizzically. “_You_ helped _me_, and now _you_ want to buy _me_ a drink as a way for _me_ to thank _you_? Shouldn't it be the other way around?”

“We'll sort that out later. Your company will be thanks enough,” said Loki. “Are you available Friday?”

Sigyn shuffled her feet slightly, not quite believing what he was requesting. A drink. With her.

But why?

Why her?

He was handsome, charming, gainfully employed. Surely he could have his pick of drink companions. And things like this just did not happen to Sigyn. Still, she liked the prospect of seeing him again. And it was only a drink.

She shrugged. “Why not?”


	3. The High Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki finds himself running from one important meeting to another. Sigyn finds herself a guide to the city.

There were few cases that Loki would say he regretted taking, for even a failure provided some opportunity to learn, to improve his skill for the next time. He liked a challenge, taking on a case no one else would touch just to prove he could succeed where others wouldn't even try. It was how he'd gotten his superiors' attention, after all. Taking the leftover, unappealing cases they'd tossed his way as a junior and working them until he'd exceeded expectations. Big cases with easy wins only proved one knew how to pick cases, they didn't demonstrate true prowess. Prowess that Loki honed over his career thanks to those small, discarded cases, each one a bringing him a step closer to the coveted Partner title at Laufey & Associates. He was grateful, really, for those late nights, long trials, and “unwinnable” cases.

Some clients, though, really tried his patience.

“There he is!” said one such client as Loki entered the visitor room of the county prison. He waved Loki over from the back corner as Loki stepped past the various security guards and tables filled with other visitors. “So are we appealing this thing or what?”

En Dwi Gast was imperious, vainglorious, delusional, stalwart in his refusal to heed any counsel that did not mirror his own thinking, and determined to get his own way. And very, very guilty. As evidenced by his multiple convictions, upheld across each appeal effort he'd insisted on bringing to court. Still, he was wealthy, well-connected, and knew one of the senior associates at Loki's firm. And so long as Mr. Gast had money and resources at his disposal, Loki would be called upon time and again to appeal his case.

Loki took a seat across from the table, setting down his shoulder bag. “As you wish,” he began. “But I must tell you, again, that the odds of overturning your convictions are firmly not in your favor.”

“Aw come on,” said Mr. Gast. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Besides, you don't wanna leave your pal locked up in prison for 80 years, right? What kinda friend does that?”

_Client, _Loki thought. _We are most assuredly not friends. _He clenched his jaw and turned his attention to the case file. “As we've reviewed before, the prosecution's case against you is water-tight.” _And this is what you get for not taking the plea deal like I told you to when you hired me. _

“Very well,” Loki conceded. “As we've discussed, even if we did manage to overturn the previous convictions based on flaws in the prosecution, you are still at risk of being found guilty should we go to trial again.”

They'd been over all of this before, even since the first conviction. En Dwi Gast had ignored Loki's advice at every turn, completely undeterred by the mountain of evidence, the numerous witnesses, and the prosecution's thorough investigation. And on the witness stand, Gast had done them a huge favor, further incriminating himself at every turn with his rambling.

“Hmm,” said Mr. Gast. “That's so funny, I could have sworn I hired somebody, somebody to, to defend me, from a legal standpoint...someone who I'm paying to worry about this law-breaking nonsense for me....now who could that have been?”

“That would be me.”

“Oh _of course_,” said Mr Gast, as though suddenly remembering. “That's right. I hired _you. _You're the guy!”

Loki barely suppressed an eyeroll. “_Yes_ Mr. Gast.”

“Oh good, we're on the same page,” said Mr. Gast, his ego unchecked despite his orange jumpsuit, ankle-cuffs, and surrounding guards. “So listen, here's what's gonna happen. You are gonna get me out of this hovel, using your, your law brain or whatever, and I am gonna be drinking a pina colada at the beach by this summer and laughing in the face of that damn judge and those jurors who put me here. Which is what I'm paying you for. So I suggest you get on that, law man.”

By the time the visiting hour was over and Gast finally stopped talking long enough for the guards to escort him back to his cell, the hour had grown late. Not quite enough time to get back to the office, but he still had plenty of time before his other important meeting of the day, the one he'd been thinking of all day. Instead, he drove to his condo on the west side of the city, loosening his tie as he tossed his bag aside as he entered.

Sigyn. Her name brought a smile to his lips.

It wasn't that social activities were a rare occurrence for Loki- happy hours with colleagues, networking lunches, and firm retreats were part and parcel of his profession. He played the well, made the connections he needed to, put himself in front of the right people, his name out in the field. But such events were just as much part of job as his hours at the office, the people there nothing more than co-workers, the conversations all with the transactional goal of getting something from someone. In the end, it was still work.

Spending free time with someone just for the pleasure of their company, talking about everything, or nothing, purely out of desire, not obligation, that was much rarer for Loki. Perhaps that's why his offer slipped from his tongue when she'd said she wanted to thank him. He'd feared she'd only agreed to it just to get away from him and on with her day. And though she'd responded when he'd texted her about tonight, some part of him feared she would not appear after all.

_She'll come, she'll come..._Loki thought, though the nagging pang of doubt would not be silenced. He paced around the condo, trying to lose himself in some book or another, but the impending hour poked too many holes in his concentration. His frenetic energy would not allow him to sit still and breathe, not while he was awaiting this next meeting. And though the appointed time was still a good hour away, he hastily dressed and departed.

*

Sigyn stepped off the bus with just a few minutes to spare, securing her coat tighter around her body as a blast of chill rushed from the doors. She'd spend most of the day a bundle of nerves, distracted at work, eyes constantly on the clock, counting down until the appointed time arrived. When Darcy found out where she was headed, she'd made her change her outfit three times before deeming Sigyn sufficiently dressed for the evening. Now she crossed the street, heading towards the bar, where Loki waited. _Just a drink_, she told herself. _Just one drink is all this is. Nothing more_.

The bar in question, called the High Point, was located on the 25th floor of one of the luxury hotels downtown. It boasted an extensive wine and cocktail list, and an outdoor seating area that provided one of the best views of the city. It was the kind of place that had a coat check at the entrance. Sigyn checked her little pink jacket, because the people who entered ahead of her were doing it, but noted how out of place it looked among the other, nicer outerwear. Nervously, she walked through the double glass doors, passing couples and small groups of people here and there, looking for Loki.

She didn't have to look far. She spotted Loki, his familiar tall, sinewy figure clad in a deep green dress shirt and black trousers, along the back window. They made eye contact, and she saw his grin as he stood. He strode over toward the entrance the moment she glanced over her shoulder.

“Sigyn,” said Loki, sighing with relief as he smiled at her. “You came.”

“Well, yes,” Sigyn replied, blinking with confusion. “That was the plan, wasn't it?”

He lightly clasped her shoulders in a way that made her cheeks warm. “Thank you for joining me.”

“My pleasure,” Sigyn replied, following him towards the bar. “Took me a little while to find this place. I'm still figuring out my way around.”

Loki quirked an eyebrow. “Ah, new to the city?”

“Well,” Sigyn explained, “I grew up in Possum Pines, out by the airport.” Loki nodded in recognition of the small suburban town. About an hour's drive from the city, Possum Pines was mostly known for offering a modest selection of bed-and-breakfasts for travelers fresh off of red eye flights looking for rest before trekking the rest of the way to the city. “Going downtown wasn't really something we did too much. Except for special occasions.”

Once they'd gotten their drinks, Loki lead her towards the tables along the massive windows, finding a spot with a view of the river. The moonlight illuminated little snow flurries that did not reach the streets below.

“You are here for school, yes?”

“Yes,” Sigyn said, surprised he'd remembered such a minor detail. “Library science. It's...not that interesting...”

“Tell me.”

Sigyn shrugged. “There's not much to tell, really.” Loki cocked his head, waiting. “Mostly a lot of theory and not much practical stuff. I'm not sure I'll be ready to work in a library once I'm finished.” She ran her thumb over rim of her glass. “But I need the degree if I want a librarian job, so...here I am. Luckily I work at the university library, too, so I won't be totally unprepared. And I did some volunteering in high school, which is what drew me to the field. It's all much better than my old call center job, anyway...” She stopped once she realized she'd been rambling. Yet Loki listened, completely attentive. “I guess there was a little bit to tell after all.”

Loki watched as she took a sip of her wine. “Is there more?”

“More?”

“More to tell,” said Loki. “About you.”

Sigyn looked down at her hands, wondering again why he'd wanted to meet. “What more would you like to know?”

“Whatever you'd like to tell me.”

Sigyn looked up at him, puzzled at his interest in her. She was nothing extraordinary, yet here was a handsome, successful, smart attorney who apparently wanted nothing more than to get to know her. Nothing added up. “Why?”

“Because,” said Loki, reaching forward. He traced his finger along her jawline. “I want to know you.”

“But, why me, though? Specifically?”

“Why not?” Loki grinned. “It's not often I get to rescue a beautiful woman. Never mind one as witty and delightful as you. The one true gem of the jewelry store.”

Sigyn giggled, unused to such attention. She wondered how long Loki had been waiting to use that line on her. Loki's eyes held a playful glimmer, leaving her unsure if the line was sincere or facetious, but the borderline corniness of it disarmed her.

And so Sigyn told him about herself- That she was the youngest, with an older sister. The two years she'd spent at community college before transferring to a third-tier state school for literature. How she'd spent a few years after college working at a bank call center, the only major employer in her small suburb that was always hiring because no one wanted to work there. How she'd been stuck at home and in need of a change and getting out on her own. Her classes. Darcy and Mantic. The jewelry store. At moments where she rambled and assumed his attention would wander, she found him attentive. He sipped from his martini glass, eyes on her, asking the occasional question or quip but never taking over.

“And what about you?” she asked after while, once she'd decided she'd talked enough. Her wine glass, compared to his, remained quite full, and she wanted to listen to his velvet voice for a while.

Loki cocked his head. “What about me?”

“You've just leaned a lot about me,” Sigyn replied. “But I want to get to know you. It's not often I get rescued by someone as handsome and charming as you. A knight in a shining Jaguar.”

Sigyn worried her attempt at flirtation would fall flat, but Loki gave an appreciative chuckle.

And so Loki talked, not quite as openly as Sigyn had, but he spoke, briefly, of his family- He, too, the youngest, with an older brother and sister. Born and raised within the city, private school and graduating early. He'd chosen law after his years on the debate team. His time in New York for law school and early years as a junior attorney. He'd skirted around why he'd come back, but he'd eventually taken the job as an associate at Laufey and Associates.

“Your family must be proud, having a lawyer around,” Sigyn commented. “Must be useful.”

Loki bit his lip. “I serve my purpose when needed, I suppose,” he said after a long sip of his martini. “But father was not pleased about my choice of firm.”

“Oh?”

“Old college rivals, my father and Laufey,” he explained. “To be frank I never really expected to get the job.”

“You must be very skilled, then,” said Sigyn. “If Laufey overlooked your family name to hire you.”

Loki winked. “I try.”

It wasn't until the bartender began flipping the chairs unto their tables that they realized just how late the hour had gone. They quickly finished their drinks and got their coats before the lights went down.

As they got on the elevator, Sigyn looked up at Loki. “Thank you, Loki. For tonight. I had a lovely time with you.”

To her surprise, Loki lowered his eyes, smiling to himself, almost shy. The elevator began its descent.

“I hope this compares favorably with your other city adventures,” said Loki. The elevator stopped at the lobby, the doors sliding open. Loki placed his hand against the small of her back as they walked toward big glass doors in the lobby. “I assume you've had some time to explore?”

“Not much actually,” Sigyn admitted with a shrug. “I spent so much time getting to know the school this semester I didn't really get a chance to go out much.” Indeed, the list of things to do in the city was overwhelming compared to the offerings of Possum Pines. Her hometown's activities consisted of a shopping mall- once vibrant and bustling in Sigyn's youth, it now barely clung to life as more storefronts emptied- a dollar theater, a bowling alley, and an improv troupe that performing every Thursday on the second floor of the blowing alley.

“Well,” said Loki, with a sly smile as they stopped before the hotel entrance. “If you're going to explore the city, you'll need a guide. I happen to have some experience in that arena.”

Sigyn cocked her head. “Are you volunteering as my tour guide?”

“Tour guide, concierge, however you prefer to look at it,” Loki replied. He caressed her cheek, a soft gaze in his eyes. “I would like to be the one to show you new things, help you find your way a bit faster. I would like to fill whatever hours you have to spare. And I,” Loki leaned forward, “Would very much like to see you again. Would you like that, Sigyn?”

Amid the snowy backdrop of the late night sky, Loki's hand slid to the back of her head, tilting her chin up until her lips parted under his. His mouth, gentle yet persuasive, added to his allure. When he let her go, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

And so she did, pulling him close and kissing him with a fervor that caught both of them off guard.

She broke the kiss only long enough to whisper in his ear. “Yes.”


	4. Feeling Festive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn gets an unwelcome reminder of family pain, Darcy has secret, and Mantis has a sense of humor.

Things were going well, Sigyn mused as she watched her clothes swirl around in the washing machine at the Speedy Sudz laundromat. Especially with Loki. After they'd kissed, she'd returned home so giddy she'd barely slept that night, laying awake thinking of him. They wasted no time in meeting again- the next day, they'd spent the afternoon at her favorite tea shop, their knees touching below the little glass table. In a nod to her love of folklore, he'd taken her to the art museum which had a special exhibit on fairy tales two days later. She'd lost track of time wandering from piece to piece and sharing her thoughts with Loki. He was nothing like she'd expected, not at all like what she imagined a lawyer would be, not at all like anyone she'd met before. Clever, playful, eloquent, and enigmatic. There was a sensitivity to him, one he kept close to his vest, but the little glimpses came out here and there. As she got to know him, she found more layers to uncover, coming away with the sense that there was no end to his puzzle. She bit her lip, thinking of how he looked at her, how he kissed her at the end of each date- each time a little bit longer, a little bit deeper, and a little bit more ardent than before. Each time, leaving her breathless, wanting to pull him back and keep him.

Tonight, he would be taking her to the conservatory to see the winter flowers and holiday lights along the walkway. Tickets sold out quickly, and Sigyn was impressed he'd managed score them so soon.

Her phone rang. Her sister's name appeared on the screen. “Hi, Idunn!” she chirped.

“Hey, Sig,” said Idunn. Her hesitant tone immediately made Sigyn regret answering. “Listen, um. I'm booking the plane tickets for Cheyenne. Just wanted to see if you'd changed your mind-”

“No.”

“Come on,” Idunn implored. “It's Christmas. I'm sure sure Mom would love to see you-”

“Hmph,” Sigyn said coldly. “In that case she_-”_ Idunn scoffed on the other end of the line. “Can tell me herself.”

“You don't answer her calls.”

“Or she can come here. Which she hasn't done in seven years.”

“She has a new life out there, Sigyn. Is it really so bad to extend an olive branch after all this time?”

“She's the one that left, if you'll recall,” Sigyn argued. “Why should I play nice? And how do you plan to face Dad after spending all weekend indulging her and that asshole-”

“Marcus.”

“Marcus the asshole. What would Dad say, hmm?”

“Dad's in the Bahamas with Cynthia. They're probably sipping pina coladas out of coconuts as we speak.”

Sigyn's heart panged at the comment, but kept her tone firm. “Well, I don't have many nice things to say to them, so I'm staying put.”

“Well what are you going to do for Christmas?”

“Not go to Wyoming.”

“...you haven't got any plans, do you?”

“Don't worry about me,” Sigyn bristled. “Look, I'll see you after the holidays. Have a merry Christmas, okay?”

When she hung up, the washing machine rumbled to a halt. Outside, the street poles lit up with their decorated wreaths. Shoppers walked along the sidewalk, carrying full gift bags from this store and that. The radio at the back of the laundromat played some version of Winter Wonderland. Everywhere she looked, signs of seasonal merriment adorned her surroundings. The bright, cheery colors and treacly songs clashed with the emptiness in her gut.

Since the age of ten she, along with Idunn, spent her Christmases, Thanksgivings, long weekends, and birthdays passed back and forth from mother to father like another asset in their fractured household, always trying to make sure she was never too unhappy when arriving at one new home, but never too happy when returning from the other, lest it set off another round of custody hearings and passive-aggressive “messages.” She'd gotten used to it over time, but the memories of what she'd lost, what her family should have been, had always cast a shadow over any joy the family therapist claimed she should try to find in having two celebrations. Eventually, her mother and her new lover, aka her boss, aka the man she'd left Sigyn's father for, aka Marcus the Asshole, moved to Cheyenne, Wyoming for a “fresh start.” Sigyn never warmed to Marcus and the news that she no longer had to pretend he belonged in her family came as a breath of fresh air, and made Idunn's pleas for civility much easier to ignore.

Now that she was out of the house for good, her father and his new girlfriend decided to spend their Christmas in the Bahamas this year. They were getting old, it was time to get away for a bit, travel more. They'd been gentle when they broke the news, and Sigyn tried to accept it, to be happy that her dad found happiness after such a heartache. They were all adults, after all. Things changed. She wasn't a child anymore. Another fresh start. Everyone was making fresh starts, it seemed. Things were always changing.

Yet Sigyn longed for at least a few things to stay the same.

Once her clothes were washed, dried, and folded, and her supply of quarters depleted until the next washing, Sigyn lugged her laundry hamper down the block, the burden of fabric matching the heaviness of her heart. She trudged up to the third floor, pausing at a strange sound from coming from the inside of the apartment door.

A _jingle-jingle-jingle_ sounded from the inside, accompanied by stomps. Cautiously, Sigyn pushed the door open to reveal Darcy, clad in eye-wateringly bright green sweater and red and white striped leggings. A oversized with large felt pointed ears and dozens of bells completed her new outfit, along with a name tag that read FIGGY.

“Shit!” Darcy yelped, dashing down the hallway out of Sigyn's view, jingling the entire way. “You weren't supposed to be back yet!”

“Darcy!” Sigyn called suppressing a laugh, “Come back!” She followed down the hallway, stopping outside of Darcy's bedroom door. “Is...is that your work uniform?”

“Yes,” Darcy whimpered from behind the door. “You guys weren't supposed to see.”

“It's okay, you can come out,” Sigyn called. “Besides, you can't hide forever. Aren't you going to be late for work?”

A pause. “You promise not to laugh?”

“I promise.”

The creaked back open. Sigyn bit down the corners of her mouth. Darcy stepped back out, pouting, her costume no less ridiculous.

“So you're a Christmas elf?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Darcy sulked, leaning against the doorway. “I help the kids sit on Santa's lap and take pictures.”

“Well, that's delightful,” Sigyn said. “Helping the kids have a memorable Christmas.”

“Yesterday I had seven kickers and three biters.”

“_Biters?_”

“Biters, kickers, criers, droolers, ...and I swear to God if I have to hear Holly Jolly Christmas one more time...”

Sigyn smoothed her hand over her mouth before she spoke again. “And who is Figgy?”

“It's my elf name,” said Darcy. “You know, like Figgy pudding. It was the only name tag left.”

“How...festive.”

“You can say lame.”

“It's not lame,” Sigyn assured. “It's a job. And it'll be over before you know it. Christmas is just a few days away.”

Down the hall, the front door opened again. “Darcy?” Mantis called. “Can you give me a ride to the airport tonight? The Ubers are way too expensive-”

She stopped in front of Darcy and Sigyn, eyes on Darcy's costume, speechless.

Darcy's eyes widened, stricken. “Oh God.”

Mantis burst into peals of laughter.

*

Loki pulled the jaguar up to the curb, finding a free space along the parked cars on the side street outside of Sigyn's building. She lived in a large house that had been renovated into separate apartments, like many of the homes along this area of the city. His eyes wandered along the block, observing the surroundings. Sigyn's building was one of the few rental properties in the neighborhood that didn't have his father's Asgard Properties logo and phone number emblazoned on a sign in the front. The damn logo that dotted buildings all over the city, the symbol of Odin's empire. As though his surname weren't reminder of enough of impossible expectations.

The front door of the building opened. Sigyn stepped out, self-consciously tucking a tray curl behind her ear. Loki looked her over, wearing tights, skirt that ended just above her knee, ankle boots, and a soft sweater. The sharp cold wind rustled her hair, refusing to settle even when she smoothed it. His arms itched to take hold of her, pull her close, everything and everyone else be damned. There was a slight sadness to her eyes, and initially Loki worried she was not looking forward to the evening, but it vanished when she saw him. She blushed when she caught him staring. Loki rushed over to met her at the front stoop, offering his hand as he lead her to the car.

“Hello, my sweet,” he said before brushing his lips over hers. “You look ravishing.”

“Thank you,” Sigyn took hold of his arm, allowing him to lead her to the car. He pushed aside some of the little containers of cookies he'd accumulated from the holiday potlucks and luncheons from the office celebrations. As they drove down the streets in the setting sun, Loki couldn't resist glancing over at her from the corner of his eye. The downcast sadness returned as she looked out the window, and his worry returned. Perhaps she wasn't looking forward to this. Perhaps she wasn't looking forward to _him_.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She glanced at him, smiling. “I'm fine, really.”

Unconvinced, Loki tried again. “We don't have to go to the conservatory, if you'd rather not.”

“Oh, no, no,” Sigyn replied, shocked at his suggestion. “I've been looking forward to tonight all week.” She sighed. “It's the only thing I've been excited about, to be honest.”

Loki furrowed his brow. They'd reached the conservatory, pulling into the parking lot. Pockets of people wandered the lot to join the line in front of the greenhouse. Little flurries swayed in the air, visible from the street lamps but never making contact with the ground. The light displays glowed in the distance, promising a lovely stroll.

“Would you prefer to share what's distressing you, so that you can enjoy tonight?” he asked, placing a hand on her knee.

She hesitated. Clearly she desired to unburden her soul. Loki always had a knack for getting people to open up. It was an innate aspect of his psyche, one many of his colleagues tried to develop but never quite mastered as he. Yet something held her back. What, he did not know.

“Just...family stuff,” she admitted. “I'd rather just forget it for tonight.”

“Distraction, it is,” Loki traced her shoulder. “I'll have you forgetting you ever spent a day of your life in distress.”

The conservatory proved well worth the price of admission. Just enough snow covered the grass to provide a beautiful backdrop to the lights, with the walkway perfectly clear. The night air was just cold enough to provide a slight chill without making Sigyn want to flee back inside. Some displays, such as an archway of blue and gold lanterns, were so gorgeous Sigyn wanted to stop and admire the scene even longer before the guests coming up behind them compelled her to move along. At some point, Loki's hand took hers, interlocking their fingers. Sigyn did not know when it happened, exactly, but every now and then his thumb ran along her knuckles, sending a tingle up her arm. Most of all, she loved how the glow from the lights played along his features when she looked up at him. After the show, they reached the cafe and gift shop, conveniently located at the end of the walkway. They spent another hour chatting over hot chocolate, oblivious to the crowd. As promised, Loki swept away any lingering sadness she'd harbored over her talk with Idunn. For the first time in the season, she felt some of the excitement she used to feel growing up.

When they'd wrapped up, he drove her back to her apartment, walking her to the front door. Darcy's Beetle, usually right in front of the building, was nowhere in sight. Mantis had left earlier that day to spend Christmas with her family. Their window was dark. She studied the darkened building, searching for signs of life, finding none. On the front stoop, Sigyn turned to Loki, finding his eyes on the window as well. He'd noticed the lack of roommates, too.

“Well, my darling,” Loki began, sliding his arm around her waist. “Would you say this was a lovely evening?” Their breath formed little clouds in the cold night air between them.

“I would,” Sigyn replied, standing on her toes to reach his lips. When they kissed, he pulled her closer, lightly prying her lips apart and teasing her with the tip of his tongue. His free hand moved to her hair, smoothing it back from her forehead. Like putty in his hands, Sigyn melted into his embrace, swept up in his ardor.

He released her, an impish gleam in his eyes. “And is this where our evening shall end? Or are we wanting to extend it just a bit longer?”

Sigyn took a breath, knowing what he had in mind. The prospect both excited and filled her gut with butterflies. Thus far, they'd done little more than kissing and long embraces, though she'd never been completely alone in private with him. Now, with her apartment apparently empty, this was her first chance. She clasped his hand and unlocked the front door. “Why don't we extend things?”

As they'd suspected, the apartment was empty. Sigyn, seeing the tiny, cluttered space through Loki's eyes, with the pile of coats and scarves on the end of the futon in lieu of a coat rack, a pile of dishes waiting to be washed in the kitchen sink, and random stacks of paper and books everywhere. The sad little plastic tree they'd placed on the coffee table in an attempt to decorate. Their furniture just barely fit within the small floor plan, with narrow walkways in between. Nothing matched, the interior decorations a strange collection of Ikea bargains, unwanted appliances from various friends and relatives, bargains from yard sales and various origins from the three roommates. The rhythmic _drip drip drip _from the kitchen faucet persisted, as it has since they'd moved in, even though their landlord swore it would be fixed “very soon.”

“Sorry for the mess,” Sigyn commented sheepishly. “May I take your coat?”

“No need for apologies, love,” said Loki. He removed his coat and handed it over. Sigyn placed it gingerly on top of the pile on the futon. “It's...cozy.”

“Now you sound like the rental ad for this place,” Sigyn snorted. “We all know 'cozy' is just a nice way of saying it's a slightly bigger shoebox.”

“Ah yes,” said Loki. “Just as 'quaint' means there are four walls and nothing else, 'charming' means the building hasn't been up to code since the 1950's, and 'lively' means it's right next to a nightclub or bar. You'll never get a good night's sleep.”

“Don't forget 'great deal'” Sigyn added, laughing. “Which means there's something horribly, terribly wrong with it.”

“-But you won't discover exactly what it is until long after you've moved in.” Loki finished. “At which point the landlord has vanished under mysterious circumstances.”

“You know your apartment hunting lingo,” Sigyn teased. “A veritable expert in rental translation. I hope you didn't learn the hard way like I did.”

“I may have picked up a few things from the family business,” said Loki. “But sharing my expertise is not what I came up here for, was it?” He cupped Sigyn's chin. “Perhaps you can show me the most comfortable spot here?”

Though advertised as a three bedroom, the apartment was really designed with two full bedrooms and a walk-in closed refurbished into a strange little offshoot that _technically _could hold a twin-sized bed, but not much else. In an effort to start her living situation off on an agreeable note, Sigyn volunteered to take the smallest room as hers. It was decision she now came to regret.

“Here we are,” Sigyn gestured into the little room behind the door that never quite shut all the way. “My abode.” She pushed the door open further, revealing the tiny bed and small table, fairy lights strung up along the ceiling in place of a lamp. “It's not much...”

“Room for two,” said Loki, easing onto the bed. He pulled her down with him. “It will suffice.” He continued what they'd started at the front door, his arms sliding up and down her back. He pushed himself upward, moving on top of her. Beneath them, the springs from the mattress squeaked from their movements. Pressed between her pale purple sheets and the heat of his body, Sigyn found herself caught between staying in her physical comfort zone and pushing further. She wanted more, but something held her back.

Loki's hand grazed along the top of her leg, fingertips tugging along the hem of her skirt. His desire very evident, he removed his dress shirt, revealing the white undershirt beneath.

“Um, Loki?” Sigyn protested.

“Mmmph?” Loki's mouth released her skin, concern in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” She caught her breath. “It's just that I...I've never actually...done it before. The whole thing.”

Loki paused, incredulous. “Really?”

She nodded, looking at the ground. Embarrassed by the admission, she'd hoped he wouldn't think less of her. “Really.”

He sat up, freeing Sigyn from underneath him, yet still holding her close. “You? But you're so-”

She bit her lip, cheeks coloring. “It's not that I didn't want to, it's just...I'd wanted the first time to be with someone special. Someone who meant a lot to me, and I meant a lot to them. And that person just never came along.” She took a breath, taking Loki's hand. “Until now.”

His eyes widened, a vulnerable, awed look in his eyes. “Me?”

“You.” Sigyn grazed his cheek. “No one has ever made me feel like you do. Special. Cared about. I like you a lot.” She smiled shyly, hoping her admissions would not be met with a rebuff. “And I think you feel the same way about me. But, I just need a little more time, is all.”

“Well,” Loki spoke after a moment, easing his arm over her shoulders. “I'm glad you feel comfortable with me.” He caressed her upper arm. “And you may have noticed I've grown quite fond of you.” He kissed her forehead. “I very much look forward to when you are ready, but until then we will only go as far as you wish.”

Sigyn rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, her heart welling with tenderness. Loki stroked her hair, relaxing onto the bed with her in his arms, his mouth occasionally grazed against her skin. Her nerves vanished, knowing that he really did care for her. Just for tonight, she'd forgotten she'd ever been so worried.


	5. Blue Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas dinner with at the Odinson house leaves Loki in need of more...agreeable companionship.

“You're late.”

Loki rolled his eyes as he stepped into the opulent foyer of his parents' estate. Odin, not even bothering to turn around, kept his eyes fixed on the long driveway, as though his guest were still driving up and not right behind him.

“And a very Merry Christmas to you too, father,” Loki replied dryly, with a sardonic smile.

“You were to arrive at 3. It is now 3:30,” Odin went on, turning. Clearly, far more annoyed that Loki hadn't implored him for forgiveness like he wanted than by the actual transgression. “You're late.”

Dozens of retorts spun through Loki's head, clamoring for a chance to reach his lips. _I live on the other side of the city, you try dealing with holiday traffic you old fool. Oh dear. Perhaps the retirement home I choose for you to will be closer? What could I have possibly missed in my half hour absence? Another droning monologue about everything wrong with me? You would be late too if you had to deal with you. _

He smiled again. “Glad to see your clock-reading skills are still intact.”

Odin fixed Loki with a cold stare. “You were raised to respect others' time. I hope you haven't forgotten that it is rude to expect others to adhere to your schedule. If you are expected at 3, you are to arrive at 3.”

“Well, I am happy to see that you made it, regardless of what the time may be,” Frigga cut in as she walked into the foyer. She pecked Loki's cheek. “Hello, my son.”

“Hello, Mother.” Glad for the distraction, Loki proffered the bottle of Chardonnay he'd brought. “Will this suffice?”

“I'm sure it will be lovely,” Frigga accepted the bottle and lead Loki into the house. With Odin out of earshot, she leaned in. “He doesn't mean it,” she murmured. “It's the cold. You know how it affects his mood. It gets into his bones-”

It was all excuses he'd heard before, throughout his entire life. It did not ease the sting when he was a boy, and it only irritated him now. “I suspect a certain last minute guest didn't help matters.”

“Oh, he'll come around,” Frigga soothed. They'd reached the expansive kitchen, where nearly every appliance was turned on and heating some dish or another. “I just ran into her earlier this month and well...is it really so terrible to want the family together?”

“If the family is at each other's throats most of the time...”

“You don't exactly help,” Frigga countered. “You ought not to provoke him.”

“Yes!” a voice boomed from the living room, followed by several loud claps. Loki rolled his eyes again. He peered around the corner, confirming his suspicious. Thor, stretched across the entire sofa, transfixed by the football game on the television. On the coffee table in front of him, crumbs of spinach puffs and discarded shrimp tales lay scattered amid two empty beer bottles and a half-finished third. They hadn't spoken since Thor showed up at his office, and he'd never mentioned the invoice.

“Brother,” said Loki.

Eyes on the game, Thor held up a hand for a quick moment in Loki's general direction, then grabbed a few more spinach puffs. Loki held back eye-roll number three, and instead stalked away, eager to be somewhere his family wasn't.

All throughout the halls of the estate, framed news articles detailing the various milestones of Odin's career decorated the walls, starting with his earliest endeavor all the way to a few short years ago. All glowing with praise, if one looked closely enough one could see gaps in the articles' publication dates, times when perhaps flattering articles were harder to come by.

In one such article, a picture of Odin with a young Loki. “Real Estate Mogul Welcomes Adopts Orphan Into Family” the headline read. In the photo, taken in the orphanage, Odin and Loki stand facing the camera, Odin's hands over Loki's shoulders. Odin smiling proudly. Loki smiling, too, with a slight hesitation. As though even then, no more than two, he doubted Odin's intentions. It was the type of photo that, at first glance, demonstrated paternal love and pride. But upon a closer look, Odin's expression was little different there than in the other photos of his various accomplishments, as though Loki were just another acquisition to barter and control.

The 1980's and early 1990's were a rough time in Odin's empire. Bad business decisions and controversial projects lead to a non-stop spate of bad press, tarnishing his name. And so his team decided an image rehab was in order. Starting with the vision of Odin the Family Man. So fatherly, he'd even adopt a sad little orphan into his opulent home. And so Loki came to be his son.

He knew he'd never run the family business- clearly that prestige had always been designated first for Hela, then Thor, though the latter turned away after his disastrous second year of college. Early in his law school pursuits, Loki had the notion that he could contribute to his father's success perhaps as a legal advisor for real estate law. Those hopes vanished, though, when even the smallest attempts to assist Odin were met with hostility, as though such things as inconvenient zoning laws and city ordinances were Loki's doing rather than a fact of doing business. Odin, it seemed, had only one place for Loki: grovelling at his feet.

And so, Loki set about his own path, law school in New York, a few years as a junior associate, before returning to the city to join Laufey's firm. Odin was not pleased. But Odin was never pleased. So if Loki was going to be a disappointment, at least he'd do what he wanted.

Harsh voices erupted from the entrance, followed by another round of Frigga's soothing tones. Loki poked his head back into the living room. Hela had arrived.

His older sister strode into the living room as though she were the owner of the estate, not Odin. Thor turned surly at the sight of her. “Move.” She commanded, not stopping on her way to the sofa.

Thor glared, but immediately got up, just in time to Hela to claim the free space he left. She crossed one leg over the other, regarding her younger brother. “And how are you, little Thor?”

Thor huffed, cheeks crimson over Hela's preferred name for him. Hela smirked, and leaned back on the sofa. “How is running Asgard? Oh, wait...you aren't.”

“At least I'm not surrounded by corpses,” Thor grunted.

“What's wrong with that?” Hela studied her manicured fingernails. “New customers single every day, and they never complain...you'd think Dad would be on board.” She leaned towards the foyer. "Don't you think so, Dad?"

“You are the worst,” Thor groused.

“Dinner is ready!” Frigga announced, perfectly timed before the scene in the living room grew worse.

At first the dinner passed in palpably thick silence. The clinking of forks against salad bowls provided the only evidence that anyone was in the dining room. Loki pushed the little leafy greens around with his fork, studying his family from the corner of his eye. Thor pointedly avoided looking in Hela's direction. Hela's delighted at causing Thor such misery. Frigga smiled placidly. Odin regarded the four of them from the head of the table, his face inscrutable.

Finally, after the salads were cleared and the main dishes were brought out, Odin turned to Thor. “Are you still...involved...with that, that science girl?”

“Jane.” Thor grunted.

“Mmm,” said Odin. “I see you did not bring her.”

“She's a guest lecturer at Princeton,” Thor reluctantly explained, “She'll be busy for a new months.”

“Then you ought to be finding a direction for yourself,” Odin pounced, having found his angle. “Surely you can find some other way to occupy your time instead of wasting away on cranes and forklifts.”

“Jane has nothing to do with my choice of profession, father,” Thor snapped. “I like the work.”

“I did not send you to the finest private schools in the nation so you could turn your back on the business!” Odin snapped back, louder. “All that expense and you choose construction!”

“He just needs time to find himself” Frigga cut in. “Thor will take your place when he is ready.”

“I have found myself, mother,” Thor replied, exasperated. “I like construction. I like the projects. I like my team. I want to build places for people, not buy them.”

“And who do you think is responsible for those projects you work on, hmm?” Odin went on. “Who is buying that land and developing those buildings? And what assets will you have when you retire? You'd be wise to think long and hard, boy, about your future, not just Asgard Properties.”

“Hmm,” Hela commented between bites of goose. “I'm starting to wish _I_ were in Princeton right now.”

“No one asked you!” Thor boomed.

“It's Christmas,” implored Frigga, “Can't we just set this all aside?”

“There is nothing to set aside,” Thor blustered. “I am not giving up my job. I am not giving up Jane. I don't want to run the company!”

“I don't care,” Odin raised his voice louder, “What you _want_. This is about what you _need_. Stability. A future. You think your science girl has my insight? Or understands what you're wasting?”

“When you're quite finished, can you pass me a roll?” Loki, resting his head on his fist. He'd grown bored of the shouting match.

Odin glared at Loki. “Hrgggh!”

“Whose side are you on?” Thor demanded, grabbing roll and lobbing it at Loki's plate. “And if you think I'm paying that invoice-”

Frigga turned to Loki. “Why are you sending your brother invoices?”

“Payment for services rendered,” Loki said dryly. “I'm sure Thor would be delighted to tell you why he needed my assistance. Wouldn't you, brother?”

Hela pointed her fork at Loki. “Now this one has the right idea. _Professional_ arguing.”

“I'm making a fortune from all of you as we speak,” Loki replied, earning an appreciative smirk from Hela.

“This does not concern you,” Odin snapped.

Those words, more than anything else Odin said or did over the dinner, stung him. He kept the pain from reaching the surface. Instead he took a generous sip of wine. “And yet I'm stuck hearing about it.”

Later, driving home, Loki tried turning up the music to drown out the haunted, empty feeling that so often followed family visits. All the things he'd wished he'd said, what he'd wished they'd said. The nagging sense of failure. The cold indifference that never left Odin' face when it came to Loki. Harangued upon arrival. Pushed aside at dinner. The Rolex Loki gave him barely earning a thank you. He did not know what he was expecting, or why he'd hoped for anything different.

He bristled. He was an adult. He didn't need Odin's approval. Or anyone's. He knew he'd never have it, he told himself over and over it didn't matter. That he didn't care. That he was successful even if Odin would never see it that way.

He hated that some part of him wanted Odin to see it that way. That he still cared. Hated that he still needed the approval. Like a child. He hated that no matter how well he did, even if he made partner, started his own practice, won huge cases, his success would always shrivel in light of Odin's indifference. As though somehow he'd done it wrong.

As he drove along, he realized he had no desire to return to his silent condo. Not yet anyway. Not alone with his thoughts. There was only one person, one place in the entire city he wanted to be. And he found himself turning the car in the direction of her neighborhood, almost by instinct. But, surely she'd had plans of her own. What if she didn't have time for him?

He switched off the music and dialed.

Sigyn stirred her cup o'noodles, releasing the steam until it cooled. She returned to her spot on the couch, giggling at the cheesy sci-fi movie she'd been watching. Mantis and Darcy were away for the holiday, and so she'd had the entire apartment to herself for at least a day or two. She spent the day re-watching her favorite movies, snacking, and sipping tea. Outside the apartment, the city streets were remarkably quiet with so many students away. It hadn't been so bad, being alone on Christmas.

So long as she pretended it was just any other day, it wasn't so bad.

She paused the video when her phone rang.

“Loki?”

“Hi.”

Sigyn detected some reticence in his voice. “How are you?”

“Fine,” came the too-quick reply. “Are you busy?”

“Not at all.”

“Can I come over?”

Sigyn raised her eyebrows. She hadn't expected to see Loki until sometime after the holiday, but certainly welcomed seeing him again. “Yeah, I'll be here.”

Sigyn hung up, wondering if she ought to clean up a bit. The usual clutter was joined by various presents and cards, some not even fully opened. She looked down at her flannel pajamas and fuzzy socks and wondered if she ought to change. Or at least brush her hair before he showed up.

She didn't have much time to wonder, however, as the doorbell rang a few moments later.

She opened the door to find Loki, flecks of snow dotting his hair, cold and vulnerable and needing, his eyes fragile at the sight of her.

“Hey,” she began. “I'm go glad to see you.”

Cold air filled the front entrance. “I'm not interrupting your plans, am I?”

“No,” Sigyn took hold of his hand and lead him up the stairs and into her apartment. “I...I didn't really have any.”

Loki clasped her shoulder. “You were alone today?”

“It was no big deal,” Sigyn shrugged. “Family was out of town. All of them.”

“Was this the 'family stuff' you were upset about at the conservatory?”

Sigyn bit her lip. “Dad went to the Bahamas this year, with his girlfriend. My sister went to Wyoming. To see our mom. And the asshole she left my dad for.”

“Oh,” Loki stroked her arms. “I'm sorry.”

“I should be used to it,” Sigyn murmured. “I just never thought I'd be left out.”

“Sigyn, if I'd known-”

“It's alright. I didn't really want to tell anyone.” She motioned towards the futon. “Besides, it's not often I get the entire apartment to myself.”

Loki sat on the free cushion near her. “What were you up to?”

“Watching movies, mostly,” said Sigyn. She tapped her cup o' noodles. “Having dinner. Did you want anything? I've got...some cookies...water...”

“I don't want to impose,” Loki replied. “I just...I needed to be with you.”

Sigyn looked into his eyes. “I'm glad you're here.” She thought of continuing her movie, but his barely-concealed distress gave her pause. He needed her. She caressed his cheek. “How was your Christmas?”

“Same as always.” Loki ran a hand over his face, leaning back on the futon. The wetness in his eyes did not go unnoticed. Sigyn pulled her new fleece blanket over their laps, his body still cold against hers. Loki never spoke all that much about his family. She'd had no idea one visit could upset him so. She waited. He remained silent, leaning against her.

“Did she like her pin?”

“Mmm?”

“Your mother. Did she like the pin you bought her?”

“She did.” Loki smiled slightly, stroking her knee. “Credit due to the lovely young woman who assisted me, of course.”

“Of course.”

Loki closed his eyes. “Do you ever just...wish things were different?”

Sigyn nodded. “All the time.”

Loki reached over and squeezed her hand. “You never told me about your parents.”

“You never told me about yours.”

“I try not to talk about it,” said Loki. “I can't change how they are.”

“No, we can't.”

More silence. Sigyn watched the steam roll off her noodles, her stomach stirring. Yet she didn't want to let go of Loki. She thought of so many things she'd kept to herself. Not just about her Christmas plans, or the divorce, but other things. How she'd grown to despise marathons, triathalons, and cycling races after learning that Marcus had competed in such things. How shows and movies involving cheating subplots left her unmoored for days. How she immediately switched off songs about infidelity when she heard them on the radio. How she'd come to see Idunn morph from her ally, the one person who should have understood her, into her mother's little cheerleader, killing her trust.

Yet Loki had issues of his own. And though she knew little of his situation, she knew well how even the littlest slights, uncaring words, ill-timed gestures from one's family could cause deep pain.

Finally, Loki opened his eyes. “I'm adopted,” he said, so quietly Sigyn had to strain to hear.

“Oh,” Sigyn replied, her voice equally quiet. “And your siblings?”

“Are not. Only me.” A shuddering sigh pushed through Loki's chest. “It was a strategy for my father. Drum up some good will. Show off his new family. An acquisition.”

“They treated you differently?”

Loki laughed bitterly. “Father plays the part well, when it matters. When the press is around. But he doesn't love me. I doubt he even likes me. Mother is a seasoned peacekeeper.”

“I'm sorry,” Sigyn's words felt hollow, a little bandage on a gaping wound, but what else was there to say?

“Mmm.” Loki's eyes closed again. She wanted him to tell her more, to open up, but perhaps he'd said all he could bear for tonight.

But misery loved company. And if Loki trusted her enough to tell her as much as he did, perhaps she could do the same. “I guess you're familiar with the old 'boss running away with his secretary' cliché.”

“I am.”

“Then you know what happened to my parents,” Sigyn admitted. “Except, my mother was the secretary.”

Loki looked over at her, brow furrowed. “She left you.”

“Left all of us. My dad, sister, and me,” Sigyn explained. Her throat tightened. “When I was ten. You think you know your parents. You think no one else could be as good and moral and constant as they are and then...” For a moment she turned back into the shell-shocked little girl again, hearing an angry woman's voice screaming all kinds of awful names at her mother on the other end of the phone. The woman would turn out to be Marcus' wife.

“I used to ask myself, why,” Sigyn looked at the ground, fearing Loki might see her mother's logic, that he might find her lacking, too. “Why him, Marcus? What was so great about him that she would do that. Leave everything behind, the daughters who needed her.” She wiped her eyes. “Sometimes, I still do ask, but I never find an answer. I'm not sure I really want to know.”

“It was not your fault, Sigyn.”

“I know,” she replied. “Just as you are not at fault for your father's ill treatment of you.” She draped her arms over his shoulders. Her tears flowed, not from sorrow but from relief that someone understood and would not try to deny her pain. “We are not to blame for our parents' failings,” she whispered. “But knowing doesn't make it hurt less.”

“No, it doesn't,” said Loki. His fingers idly traced Sigyn's back. The vulnerable look in his eyes remained, and so Sigyn pulled him into a tight embrace. He collapsed into her, little wet dots absorbing into her shirt where his eyes pressed against her. Sigyn gently stroked his shoulders until he released her.

“Families are tough,” Sigyn remarked, brushing a few strands of Loki's hair back. Beneath the blanket, their bodies grew quite warm. Sigyn shifted the velveteen fabric out of the way while Loki slid her body over his. All day, she'd ached for company, fighting away the sting of rejection. It wasn't until Loki appeared in her doorway that she'd realized just how much she'd needed him.

Loki gestured to the paused screen. “Would you like to continue your movie?”

“It's...not very good,” Sigyn admitted. “I just have an affection for cheesy sci-fi movies. A guilty pleasure.”

“Never feel guilty about pleasures, sweetheart,” said Loki. “Shall we?”

Sigyn pressed the play button. The movie continued, its incomprehensible plot and terrible acting did nothing to help Loki understand what was happening, but it mattered little. She was glad Loki came to her, that he trusted her, and that he let her open up in kind. Loki's lips brushed against her temple.

“Feels like Christmas, doesn't it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this chapter posted on Christmas, but life got a little busy, so my planned updating schedule got a little messed up.


	6. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last night of the year is never too late for a new first.

New Year's Eve came upon the city in the blink of an eye. Loki picked Sigyn up just as the streets were beginning to fill with revelers and traffic began to swell into the city. He'd made reservations at his favorite sushi restaurant before they were to stop by a party hosted by a long-time client of Laufey. “Just a polite appearance,” Loki said. “It's mostly a show of goodwill for the firm.”

After much searching, they'd at last found a parking garage that wasn't at capacity on such a busy night downtown. Farther away than they'd wanted, they made their way through the loud crowds before finding the restaurant, tucked away in a quieter corner of the street. A thin coating of snow covered the ground from a series of flurries earlier that day, though the many footsteps cleared the sidewalks.

Sigyn had never liked New Year's Eve. The crowds, the high expectations, the implication that you MUST do something for the occasion always made the evening more trouble than it was worth. And the anticlimactic moments just after midnight left her strangely empty. But tonight, tucked away in a booth with Loki, a cup of green tea in her hands, and a table filled with little plates and bowls between them, contentment eased over her. She may not like crowds, or the fuss, but she did like him. He had a way of making everything else fade into the background.

“But I think the biggest challenge for me is staying awake until midnight,” Sigyn said now, between bites of the sushi platter they'd ordered. They'd been discussing their various pet peeves with New Years in the past. Loki, as it turned out, was not a huge fan, either. “I either drift off by 10:30 or I pass out right after.”

“Oh dear. I hope we're not in danger of you falling asleep in front of our host,” said Loki. He clicked his chopsticks together before reaching for another piece of red snapper.

“I'll do my best,” Sigyn teased. “But you may need to pinch me if you catch me drifting off.”

“May I pinch you even if you aren't drifting off?” Loki winked.

“Not in front of the host, I hope!”

“Ah, not to worry,” said Loki. “We'll have you back well before you're in danger of passing out."

Sigyn ran her thumb over the rim of her cup. Since their Christmas together, her bond with Loki deepened in ways she'd never expected. Her feelings for him surprised her with their intensity, the way his charisma, his impish charms hid a wounded soul that needed affection, that needed intimacy more than it let on. Though he'd been careful to be gentle with her, to not rush, to not push for more than she was prepared for, she sensed his holding back. Her curiosity blossomed into a desire that perhaps rivaled his. Her nerves buzzed at the possibility, but on the threshold of a new year, it was never too late for a new first.

“Well, I'd like to spend some alone time together before passing out.” Sigyn took a deep breath and leaned forward. “Because I'm ready. For everything. Tonight.”

Loki quirked an eye brow. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Sigyn nodded, blushing. “When we get back tonight, I'd like to go for it, the whole thing... After our polite appearance, of course.”

Loki cleared this throat, his eyes gone saucer-like. “I suddenly feel much less polite.”

Neither of them felt polite, and so they returned after dinner to Loki's condo on the west side of the city. Sigyn's breath hitched as Loki closed the door behind her, her nerves twitching at what was to come.

His condo was clean, well-furnished, and spacious. The large windows allowed the moonlight to flow inside, illuminating the living room even without the aid of a lamp. Loki flicked on the lights, keeping them dim. Her eyes wandered over the space, where Loki lived. His furnishings were mostly greens, blues, and black, with charming pops of color here and there. A few pieces of art decorated the high walls, some modern abstract, some city-scapes, others more surreal and colorful. Long, tall bookshelves filled with books, little figurines too dark to see, lined the walls. It felt royal, yet warm. A far cry from her cramped, crowded apartment, she thought now of how far away the rest of the world, caught up in celebration, seemed now that she and Loki were alone.

Behind her, Loki moved in close, his hands sliding up to her shoulders as she unbuttoned her coat. He lifted the heavy garment off her body, hands returning a moment later. This time, his fingers worked along her shoulder blades, massaging the tension away. She closed her eyes and let out her breath. Despite her nerves, Loki's gentle touch melted her in a way that made her want more. She dropped her head slightly as Loki brushed her hair over her shoulders.

“Mmm,” Loki's lips brushed against the back of her neck. “Does that feel good, love?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

Loki turned her around, tilting her chin up as they kissed. “Would you like to feel even better?” His hand slipped to the back of her dress, his fingers deftly grasping the zipper and sliding it down until it rested at her waist, the fabric loosening open around her.

Her heart skipped at beat at the wolf-like look in his eyes, the devilish smile on his lips as he looked at her. Pressed close against him, his hand against her exposed back, and the signs of his arousal firm against her thigh, she was nothing more than putty in his hands.

“Yes,” she whispered again, her throat gone dry.

“Good.” His hold tightened, sweeping Sigyn from the ground and into his arms. “Then let's find someplace comfortable.” He carried her into the bedroom, laying her back onto the large mattress with its silken sheets. He tugged at the hem of her dress, pushing the fabric up from her thighs and up her waist. Sigyn raised her arms, allowing Loki to pull offending garment all the way off. He dropped it onto the floor without a second thought. He pulled her into another kiss, slipping his hand beneath the waistband of her tights, tugging them down her legs. Sigyn kicked the tights away, giggling as Loki's lips explored her neck, lightly nipping the skins beneath her jawline. Before she knew it, he'd removed the rest of her undergarments, pausing as the last bits of fabric fell to the floor, leaving her exposed before him.

Loki looked her up and down, fingers lightly tracing down the length of her body. His eyes took her in as though she were a work of art and he wished to study each line and curve of her. She blushed, unused to such laser-like focus.

“You are exquisite,” Loki murmured.

“Thank you,” Sigyn replied, ignoring the throb in her chest.

“The pleasure is all mine, sweetheart.” Loki's hands turned now to his own clothing, furiously unbuckling his belt and pulling off his shirt. Seconds later, he was as nude as she. Before her, with his pale skin and dark hair shining against the moonlight, the full scope of his beauty revealed itself: the muscles contained within his long, lean frame, the little trail of hair leading down from his chest to his pelvis, how his eyes shone with anticipation.

“I'm so lucky to be with you,” she said softly.

Loki wrapped her in his arms as he lay beside her, no barriers between them. “I am the lucky one, Sigyn. That you trust me so.” He paused for a passionate kiss. “I promise I will be gentle. And if you are in pain, or want me to do something else, just say the word.” His lips returned to hers while his knee nudged her thighs apart.

She gasped when he entered her, unaccustomed to the sensation rather than in pain. Nevertheless, they re-positioned a few times before finding a compromise that allowed Sigyn comfort and Loki access. They found a rhythm, Sigyn offering a push in response to Loki's thrusts. Gooseflesh erupted over Sigyn's skin, caught in the contrast between the heat of Loki's body and the cool air around her. All over Loki's fingers explored her body, drawing more gasps, these ones of pleasure.

When he finished, his thrusts reaching a crescendo before he groaned like dying man, Loki dropped his head, pressing his forehead against hers, his mouth covering hers in a long, well-worn kiss. He rolled to his side, sliding out of her, but kept her wrapped in his arms.

“How was that?” He asked between pants.

Sigyn turned to face him. His chest pumping from the exertion, his eyes half-dazed but satisfied, fingers lightly tugging the ends of her hair. Open. exposed. Just for her. “All I wanted.”

“Are you alright?” He caressed her cheek. “I felt you shaking a bit.”

Her legs trembled from remaining in one place, at an unusual position, for so long, and even with the tension released, they trembled still. “Just getting used to things,” she said quietly.

“Ah,” said Loki, voice hoarse. His eyes twinkled despite his exhaustion. “If you'll give me some time, I'll have you far more than _used to _things.”

Sigyn laughed. “Oh?”

“Oh yes,” Loki grinned, his hand sliding down to her thigh. “I don't believe you've gotten your fair share of pleasure, my sweet.”

The hours passed in each other's arms, intermittent cries of pleasure and deep moans in the air. They paused at the sudden wave of cheers and distant booms of fireworks from outside. Midnight had arrived.

Loki nuzzled her sweat-dotted forehead. “Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to everyone who has read and enjoyed this fic so far. Happy New Year!


	7. New Year, New Worries, New Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new year brings new worries for Sigyn as a new semester approaches...luckily Loki always has ways of easing her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor spoilers for The Secret History if you haven't read it.

Sigyn woke the next morning to the smell of pancakes teasing her nose. She opened her eyes, still wrapped up on a large bed under impossibly soft sheets that weren't hers. It took her a moment to recall where she was, and how she'd come to spend the night in someone else's bed. And whose bed she occupied. Loki's.

She sighed fondly as she thought over the night before. He'd been quite gentle while exploring her, and left her eager to be explored again. Among other things, he'd discovered a ticklish spot on the inside of her thigh that he very much enjoyed exploiting. She blushed at the memory, the sensation of his skin on hers still fresh.

The warm aroma from the kitchen and her desire to be near him lured her from the bed. She glanced around the bedroom and found an old long-sleeved shirt of Loki's with a Columbia University logo embroidered across the front near the laundry hamper. Sigyn pulled it over her body. It was too long, but would do for now to cover her.

She stepped down the hallway and found Loki in the kitchen, dressed in a gray zip-up hoodie over a white t-shirt and jeans, a far cry from the sharp suits she'd seen him in before. His loose dark hair, free of any product, framed his face with little waves. Yet he looked relaxed, with a small smile that warmed the instant he saw her.

“Ooh,” he said, looking her over. “You are a vision to behold. Surely a sign that the new year will be fortuitous indeed.”

“I'd hoped to spend my first morning of the new year snuggling in bed with you next to me,” Sigyn stretched her arms and back. She padded over to Loki and kissed his cheek. He turned before she pulled away and kissed her lips. “But I'm sure we'll have plenty of time for that later.”

“I've always been an early riser,” Loki admitted, his attention back to the batter blobs on the skillet. “But you are just in time,” He pulling out a stool by the kitchen island for her.

Sigyn covered her yawn with her hand and took a seat, watching as Loki flipped the pancakes across from her. “And you cook, too? I'm impressed.”

“I may have picked up a few skills outside of law school,” Loki replied, sliding three pancakes onto a plate and setting them before her. He pecked the top of her head and ruffled her messy curls. “Some of which you're well acquainted with already.”

Sigyn blushed. She looked down at the pancakes he'd made. Banana and chocolate chip. The sweet, warm scent caused her stomach to rumble.

Loki joined her at the kitchen island, his own pancakes drenched in maple syrup. On the counter top beside the stove, a coffee pot hissed, the pot filled and fresh. “I've got coffee, too, if you'd like,” he added, handing her the bottle of syrup he'd been using.

“Coffee would be wonderful,” Sigyn replied, drizzling a bit of syrup over her plate.

Loki poured two mugs of coffee, placing them beside their plates, along with a bit of milk and sugar, which Sigyn stirred into her mug until it reached her preferred flavoring. The intense aroma alone dashed away any lingering morning drowsiness. She took a bite of pancake, the rich sweetness filled her mouth.

“These are delicious, Loki.”

“I don't often have occasion to make these,” Loki replied between bites. “Most mornings I'm far too preoccupied to be bothered.” A wistful look appeared in his eyes, one of fond memories tinged with regret. Sigyn wondered what thoughts crossed his mind, what lay behind his cool eyes.

Whatever his thoughts, they ate in comfortable silence. Sigyn sipped her coffee, now that it cooled just enough. The dark roast went down surprisingly smooth, with a complexity and warm nuttiness that made her instantly sip again. “This coffee is amazing. What kind is it?”

“Stuff I get from a specialty shop. House blend.”

“How do you find all these places?” Sigyn asked. “I've barely figured out the block outside my apartment.”

“Exploring, mostly. Wandering about. Word of mouth.” Loki checked an alert on his phone, grimaced, then swiped the notice off the screen. Sigyn wondered what caused the reaction, but did not pry. Loki would open up when he was ready. She looked over the condo. In the bright, cold, morning, she had a much better view of his home. A nearby bookshelf close to the kitchen island caught her attention. She looked over some of the titles: A recipe book of old-fashioned cocktails, a guide to herb gardens, a collection of Shakespeare's works, Poe's collected short stories and poems. The Goldfinch. And...

“The Secret History?”

“I like to re-read it every few years or so, to find new details,” said Loki. “You've read it?”

“It's one of my favorites,” Sigyn gushed. “I started reading it one night a few years ago and the next thing I knew it was daylight, it was so engrossing.”

“I may have encountered a few Julians in my day,” Loki remarked with a bitter chuckle. “Although they're hard to recognize until they've let you down.”

Sigyn patted his arm. “I think it gets easier as we get wiser. It's the Bunnys I cannot handle. There was one in my class last term. I never knew how to deal with him.”

“Well, don't push him off a ravine,” Loki teased. “We know that won't end well.”

Sigyn laughed, turning back to the table. She hadn't even been in his condo for 24 hours and already felt at home. It wasn't just the extra space, the luxuriant furniture, or the impressive view. It was Loki, and how he made her feel she belonged there with him.

“When do you head back to work?” He asked as they worked their way through the stacked pancakes.

“Tomorrow. Ten-thirty to seven.” And in two weeks, the spring semester would start. The winter break passed much more quickly than Sigyn ever expected. Then her university job. A new schedule.

“But you're free today? Excellent.” Loki finished his pancakes and concentrated on finishing his coffee.

“Then we can have the day together, if you'll have me.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Whatever you'd like.”

“Hmm,” Sigyn furrowed her brow, pondering the possibilities. At the moment her only real interest was crawling back into Loki's magnificent bed and curling up in his arms, but she supposed she ought to make good use of their time together. Once the semester started, their time together could be severely limited. On the other hand, the upcoming classes had her concerned that she'd been neglecting certain errands she ought to finish prior their start. Chores. Financials to sort out. Things to buy-

Food.

The first week of the month.

Sigyn dropped her fork and gasped.

“Darling?”

“I just remembered,” Sigyn's hand flew to her mouth. “It's my week to do the grocery shopping!” She'd meant to do it. She'd written down the list before Loki picked her up. And left it on her dresser back at the apartment.

“Ah,” said Loki, dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin. “That settles it.”

Luckily, the SuperSaveMart a few blocks from Loki's condo was already open for business. Sigyn hurried into the store, grabbing a cart with Loki not far behind. The sliding doors opened to reveal a cacophony of register beeps that nearly drowned out the twang of country music radio from the speaker above. Loki followed along as Sigyn selected items from the shopping list Mantis sent her and dropped them into the cart. She studied the prices on the shelves, selecting the cheapest option available. Coffee Friend creamer. Morning O's. Kruft macaroni and cheese. Jeff Extra Cronch peanut butter. Crandall's Soup.

She caught the crinkle of his nose as she picked up a tin of Forger's coffee.

“What?”

“Please don't tell me you actually prefer this sludge.” he remarked. “Or rather, _off-brand_ sludge?

“It's the same as the regular stuff,” Sigyn retorted, adding the tin to her items. “Besides, it's cheaper and I'm on a budget.”

“And what is the budget, may I ask?”

Sigyn ran her finger over the shopping cart handle, grimacing. “As close to free as possible.”

Loki's hand hovered above Sigyn's list. “May I?”

Reluctantly, Sigyn handed her the list displayed on her phone. Loki's eyes cast over the items, brow furrowed.

“Mmm.” Loki handed back Sigyn's phone. “Very well. Leave this cart of monstrosities. We can find much better for you and roommates.”

“These are fine,” Sigyn protested. “And I can't afford-”

“Do you actually enjoy consuming these? Do your roommates?”

Sigyn paused. “Well-”

Loki dismissively waved away the cart. “Let's go. I just the place.”

“I'm not just leaving this cart in the middle of the store,” Sigyn countered. Part of her hoped he'd let her just continue getting through the list. She feared he'd take her somewhere far too expensive and she'd be stuck with a too-high bill. “It's rude.”

Loki laughed slightly. “Fine. We will put these things back and then be on our way.”

Once they'd returned the items to their proper places and the cart back into the cart return at Sigyn's assistance, Loki drove them to an area of the city Sigyn had never seen before. Throngs of people milled about despite the January cold. As they came closer to a main road, outside vendors, food trucks, and lines of people outside various storefronts came into view.

Loki pulled into a public lot, finding a rare free space. Sigyn pulled her coat more tightly around her as they approached the crowds. Loki grasped her hand tightly as he wove around the busy market, so as not to lose her. Even in this crowd he moved like a king among his subjects. The stores, booths, and crowds were an eclectic mix, with decades-old establishments that were still cash-only to newer joints with window signs boasting of their cashless payment systems. One outdoor booth blasted song parodies about the local sports teams amid piles of sports memorabilia.

Finally they reached bare wooden door with a old placard the read “Well of Urd Coffee and Tea.” Unlike the other stores, this one did little to announce its presence, and until Loki stopped in front of it she would have missed it completely. A little bell chimed when they stepped inside. The powerful aroma of coffee beans hit Sigyn's nose. Large barrels filled with coffee beans dominated the little store, with glass jars of teas stacked on shelves along the walls.

As she came looked around, she noted the little labels on the barrels. Bold names with smaller descriptions underneath. On either side of the barrels, empty little paper bags along with steel scoopers sat, ready for use. A grinding machine stood at the far end of the barrels, near a counter with a lone register. Behind the register stood a lone, tiny, old woman who smiled warmly at them.

“Hello, Loki,” the woman greeted. “I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon.”

“A last minute need, Urd,” said Loki. “For my lady friend here.”

Urd took notice of Sigyn. “Hello, dear. How may I help?”

“Just here for some coffee,” Sigyn replied, eyeing the prices per pound above each barrel with concern. “A bagful?”

“Take a look around, dear. Ask me anything.”

Sigyn lifted the lid off one barrel. The powerful aroma rose to meet her. So many options, how to choose? How would Darcy and Mantis react?

“Loki, which of these do you recommend?”

“You've had the house blend, love,” he replied. “But you cannot go wrong here.”

Sigyn wandered along the barrels, finding flavored blends near the center. Eventually, she settled on a hazelnut blend that she knew would win her roommates' approval and wasn't too pricey. She scooped a generous amount into one of the bags before bringing it to the register.

Before she could reach for her purse, Loki had already paid for the coffee.

“Save your pennies, darling,” he said as Urd handed over a receipt.

As they left Well of Urd, Loki lead her further along the markets, now into a small, local grocery store where dozens of people lined up in front of the deli. “Now, what else are you needing?”

They moved along the busy shelves, squeezing between the other shoppers down the small asiles. Sigyn selected what she needed from the list. Loki did not crinkle his nose at her choices, even when she chose the least expensive items. The grocer did not have all the items she needed, but she crossed off most of what she needed. When they arrived at the checkout line, Sigyn inwardly braces herself for the grand total as the prices flashed with each beep from the register.

Once again, Loki paid before Sigyn even saw the total. They picked up the bags, and Sigyn followed Loki out, perturbed at a pattern that seemed to emerge.

“Loki, wait!” Sigyn called as they stepped outside. He was well on his way to the next destination, ready to strike the last few items from her list.

He paused and turned around. “What?”

“You're not...you're not seriously planning to pay for all of my stuff, are you?”

He blinked. “Do you not want these? Or would you rather have the sad knock-offs?”

“I prefer these but-”

“And your budget is as close to free as possible, yes?”

She sighed. “Yes.”

“Then why the discontent?”

“I'm not discontent,” Sigyn protested. “It's just that it's my list. My responsibility. I can handle it.” As the words left her mouth, so did others she never intended to express. “I've spent so long trying to prove I can survive on my own, that I'm not a child, that I don't need people doing things, paying for things for me and then you come along and just...you just won't let me...” Her throat tightened, along with her regret at her ire towards Loki. _Ungrateful. Childish_ she thought, cringing inwardly at her behavior. _He doesn't deserve me. _

Loki regarded her with incredulity, his brow furrowed. Her heart raced. She hadn't meant to offend him. She'd only wanted to pay for her own groceries. Yet here she was, having just defensively ranted at him after he tried to help. She cared for him so much. She feared he'd simply walk away and forget her.

“I never said I thought you were a child,” Loki said after a moment. “I just thought you'd like coming here, and I wanted to help. I never meant to upset you.”

Sigyn looked around, and then back at him. A new part of the city she'd never seen before. Showing her the sights, treating her to things she never had before. Trying to make her smile.

_It's not about who pays for what. It's not about money at all for him_ Sigyn realized. It was about spending more time with her. He brought her here to be with her. The realization sent another wave of affection mixed with guilt through her heart, sending mist to her eyes.

“Hey,” Loki moved closer, cupping her chin. “Why are you crying?”

“I just...I don't want you to think you need to take care of me,” Sigyn admitted. The tenderness of his touch send the tears down her face. “It's not why I'm with you.”

“I know I don't _need_ to, Sigyn,” Loki said, lightly stroking her face. “I just want you to have nice things. You deserve to have nice things.”

Sigyn leaned into his touch, comforted that he hadn't abandoned her as she feared. “Can I at least pay for the last few things? And maybe pick up lunch when we're finished?”

Loki tilted her chin up and kissed her. “Of course.”

Once they'd finished working through Sigyn's list, they found lunch at a nearby hole-in-the-wall called Taco the Town, located in the basement of one of the busier blocks at the market. The restaurant was not busy at all, in sharp contrast to the activity above. Once seated, they placed the bags beneath the table.

The menu limited to one page, offering a la carte tacos and a few other dishes. Once they ordered, Loki reached across the table and grasped her hand. “Any other errands for the day, sweetheart?”

“Not today,” Sigyn replied with an impish smile. “But you have been so accommodating, I think we ought to meet some of your needs later today.”

“Ooh,” Loki's eyes twinkled. “I hope you're up to the task. It's quite a list.”

The server arrived with their dishes. Loki released her hand, and Sigyn turned her attention to the plate of small tacos before her. They ate, Sigyn's mind wandering to the future. Her classes alone would take up most of her time on the weekdays. The university library hours included weekends and two evenings each week. Then her assignments. Group projects...

“Not enjoying your tacos, love?”

Sigyn snapped back to the present at Loki's voice. “No, they're very good.”

“You're looking a bit melancholy.”

“Just worried about the future. Our future.”

Now Loki's expression turned melancholy. “I do not like the sound of that.”

“I mean, when my classes start. My schedule will change a lot,” Sigyn explained. “Full time classes. My library job...we won't have as much time together. I don't want to lose what we have.”

“Sigyn,” Loki assured, relief crossing his face. “Even if we can only spare 5 minutes a week, it will be well worth the wait.”

“You don't think...it won't be enough to keep us together?” Sigyn asked. “You won't get frustrated waiting?”

His eyes softened. “Even if I were to spend 24 hours hours each day, every day with you it would not be enough for me. But if I must make do with only 5 minutes, it will be the finest 5 minutes I will treasure.” He squeezed her hand. “It's only a few months. We will manage.”


	8. Little Defender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sigyn head back to work after the holidays, but count down the days when they can meet again.

Most mornings, Loki woke promptly at five, made coffee, and went for a run or headed to the fitness center at the Jotunheim Centre before showering and arriving at the office. It wasn't uncommon for Loki to be the first to arrive at the firm, even though official business hours began at nine. He preferred the early start, when the office was silent, before his emails piled up, before the gossip, ringing phones, and distractions started.

This morning, however, he found himself reluctant to rise when the alarm chimed at the appointed time. Laufey and Associates closed from over the stretch between Christmas and New Year's, with only a few staff in during that time to handle any emergencies. But it wasn't just the return to reality that caused him to groan out loud in the cold pre-dawn.

Waking alone, after those nights with Sigyn beside him, a palpable loneliness settled over him. The warmth of her body, the little smile on her lips, the way she curled against his shoulder, her comforting weight on the other side of his bed, her pretty curls covering the pillows and sheets, the sound of her breathing, the flutter of her eyelids as she dreamed, the feel of her bare skin beneath his fingers, all missing. Only her faint, sweet scent of lavender lingered on her side of the bed.

He slammed the Dismiss button, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling her pillow over. He nuzzled the pillow, breathing in the scent. _I'll have her back soon enough_ he thought, dragging himself off the bed.

He made it into the office while most of the Jotunheim Centre building was still dark, nodding at the night security guard who was awaiting the shift change. He punched in the code for the Laufey and Associates main door, flicking on the lights.

His desk was spotless as he'd left it, as though waiting for his return. He pulled out his laptop, waiting for the system to boot up. It was then his desk lamp caught his attention, something not quite right about it, though to the untrained eye it would be easy to miss. He scoffed at the sight, suspicion confirmed.

The light bulb was gone.

Loki pursed his lips, annoyed less at the lack of light and more from the very notion that someone had interfered with his desk and absconded with something of his. Over the break, no less. Surely the work of someone nosy, intrusive, no sense of boundaries, who knew they could get away with it.

It could only be-

“Hel-_lo_!”

“Ylva,” Loki smiled at the saccharine sing-song voice. It's owner, a tiny, elderly woman wearing a cardigan with snowmen on the sides, grinned at him. “How nice to see you.”

Laufey's mother, Ylva, worked at the firm in some unknown capacity. As far as Loki could tell, it was some cross between office manager and mother hen. Mostly, she came and left as she pleased, obsessed over the break room, the printers, the supply closet, sent incessant emails, and removed bulbs from light fixtures she did not want colleagues to use. Now she stood in front of his office, carrying an armful of mini space heaters from colleagues' desks.

“Just couldn't resist getting the office ready for our big return!” She chirped. “Hope you're all rested and ready!”

“You bet I am.” Her shrill voice made his skin crawl. He'd had nowhere near enough caffeine yet to handle such a display of contrived cheer.

“Good!” Somehow Ylva managed to stretch her grin even wider. “And you checked your printer settings like in the email I sent?”

“Absolutely.” Loki had never checked his printer settings and did not plan to start. He placed his hand against the opened door, hoping Ylva would take the hint.

She did not.

“Good!” She kept grinning. “Oh! I saw your daddy again on that investing show!”

“Did you?” Loki inwardly bristled at the mention of Odin. In recent years he'd turned from real estate mogul to venture capitalist, yet another way of expanding his little empire and controlling as many entities as possible. Evidently he'd started appearing on a TV show as a way to find investing and increase his own bottom line. The prospect of watching desperate, wide-eyed business owners pleading for Odin to give them a chance as he sat back unmoved, motivated solely by his own benefited, hit far too close to home.

“I bet that was the talk of the family dinner!”

“We don't really talk business at the dinner table,” Loki said evenly. “We prefer to keep personal and professional matters separate.” It wasn't even remotely true, but he'd hoped she'd back off the sensitive topic.

“Oh I imagine it's probably much easier for you all,” said Ylva, undeterred. “Now that none of you kids are in the family business.”

Loki's smile thinned at the dig. “I suppose so.” He gripped the door, subtly pushing it forward. “Nevertheless, family business or not, I must catch up on my many emails.”

Ylva stepped back. “Well, tell your daddy I said Hi! I'm sure we'll see your brother soon!”

Ylva finally shuffling off, Loki closed his door and returned to his desk. He opened the upper right-hand drawer, pulled out a replacement light bulb, and screwed it into his desk lamp. He'd have to be more mindful of Ylva's prying eyes lest she take another light bulb.

His laptop booted up, he opened his inbox, watching as the message popped up. Dozens from Ylva alone:

_Hello Laufey and Associates Family!_

_Friendly reminder that all printers must be set to Save Toner and please print in black and white whenever possible! Let's make sure we keep our printing costs down so we can keep paying you for all your hard work!_

_Thx,_

_Ylva_

Delete.

_Hello Laufey and Associates Family!_

_Friendly reminder not to close the blinds in the conference rooms! Our blinds are very old and cannot handle being opened and closed! _

_Thx,_

_Ylva_

Loki considered replying back that blinds were readily available at Home Depot starting at $9.99, but deleted the message instead.

_Hello Work Family!_

_Friendly reminder that all food in the fridge must be labeled and dated! Otherwise, it will be thrown away. Let's keep our break room nice and clean!_

_Thx,_

_Ylva_

Delete.

And a ping as a new email popped up:

_Hello Work Family!_

_Effective immediately, no more space heaters are permitted as desks! Our heating and electricity bills are going up and up, so we must be careful not to use unnecessary power! I've taken the liberty of removing the space heaters from the office. You can find them in the supply closet and take them home at the end of March! Blankets are more than welcome of course if you need to stay warm!_

_Thx_

_Ylva_

Delete.

The last of Ylva's missives gone from the inbox, Loki took a look over his calendar: two conference calls, deposition prep, an upcoming meeting with Laufey. He settled in, coming up with a plan to get through everything for the day.

Promptly at 8:30, when the official business hours began, his phone rang.

“Yes, Lorelai?”

“I've got Mr; Gast on the line,” said Lorelai with palpable annoyance. “Wanting an update in the appeal.”

“Lorelai,” Loki replied, nerves already fraying. “What have I told you about calls from Mr. Gast? Straight to my voicemail. Do not even let him get a word-”

“I tried that,” said Lorelai. “And he said to tell you, and I quote 'The last time I checked I was paying Loki Odinson to handle my case, not Loki Odinson's voicemail so that is who I will be speaking with, so get him on the line pronto, toots.'”

Loki dropped his face into his palm. It seemed he's only just arrived and already completely bombarded from all angles. This would be a trying day.

“I'm just relaying his message, Loki,” Lorelai added.

“Fine,” he sighed, resigned. “Send him through.”

*

“Go home.”

Sigyn looked behind her, at the office door positioned behind the glass counter. Mr. Tivan poked his head out from his office. “There have only been three customers. No reason to stay.”

Business had slowed to a near halt not long after Christmas. Sigyn hoped to stay on at Infinity Gems until the semester began, but with dwindling sales and the slump until February, the odds looked less and less likely that she'd be working there another two weeks.

“Perhaps I can do some cleaning?”

Without even looking up, Mr. Tivan waved her away. “Go on. Enjoy this nice weather.”

Sigyn looked out the front windows. Gray clouds covered the sky and wet pellets of snow hit the ground on and off. Grabbing her coat and purse, she clocked out and headed back to her apartment. Not long ago, she'd welcome an early dismissal from work. But these days, Sigyn survived on a financial cocktail of student loans, the stipend from her university job, her own savings, and whatever work she could find between semesters. To go without hours meant going without money to live on. She hoped she could manage the next two weeks before her classes started.

When she returned to her apartment, she tossed her purse onto the futon. A sad whine emanated from the pile of coats at the impact.

Sigyn looked down at the futon, now noticing the striped legs and curled shoes sticking out from under the pile.

“Darcy?”

Darcy pulled the coats down, revealing a defeated face. “Just let me sit in the dark in peace.”

“You're still an elf? But Christmas is over.”

“Elves stick around after Christmas to bring the unwanted gifts back to Santa!” Darcy replied in a mock high-pitched elf voice. “I'm also in charge of telling the people where to go. So far I'm being nice about it.”

Sigyn took a seat on the ottoman while Darcy sat up. “You're back early.”

“Business was super slow. They sent me home.”

“Lucky.”

“My bank account begs differ,” Sigyn sighed. “I thought breaks were supposed to be relaxing, not more stressful than the actual semester.”

“Tell me about it,” Darcy groused. “This break can't end fast enough.”

They sat in silence, Darcy sunk back under the pile of laundry on the futon. Sigyn studied the coffee table, crowded with Christmas presents from all three of the roommates, just waiting to be brought to their permanent places in the apartment. She thought over the last few weeks since her first semester. She'd just expected to make a little extra money to tide herself over while the university closed. But something else, very much unexpected, had come her way.

Loki.

It hadn't been all that long since they'd met, yet it seemed as though they'd known each other much longer than just over a month. She though of him, walking into her store, his arms around her while he helped her into his car, their first kiss, how she'd barely slept that night, huddled in her bed, too giddy to sleep as she replayed that kiss over and over in her mind. And every time she saw him, how her heart skipped a beat. He'd taken her so many places, as promised, but it wasn't the various locations that made her winter break so special, it was him. He'd brightened her days and warmed her nights as no one else ever had.

“...so when do I get to meet this guy?”

“Mmm?”

Darcy peered at her from under the laundry. “You're not smiling like that over your class schedule.”

“I didn't know you wanted to.”

“Hell yes I want to!” said Darcy. “He hasn't passed the Lewis test.”

Sigyn laughed. “Well, I have to see him again first. It's been a long week for us.”

They met up at last on Friday, downtown near Loki's office for to see a sketch comedy show that, as far as Sigyn knew, sold out not along after it was announced. When Loki came down to the lobby of the Jotunheim Centre building, Sigyn had no idea how much she'd missed him. She couldn't resist rushing over to the bank of elevators, pausing when she remembered this was his place of business. She didn't want to embarrass him.

She didn't have to worry. Loki embraced her tightly. “Hello, sweetheart,” he whispered against her ear. She leaned into his arms, eager to spend the evening with him. All her worries of the future vanished the moment he touched her. He grasped her hand, leading her through the revolving door.

“So how was the first week back?” she asked as they walked the few blocks towards the theatre.

“In a word, trying.” Loki gave her a rueful smile. “But I'd prefer not to think of work matters at the moment.”

“Then we won't,” Sigyn replied. “But perhaps you can tell me how you manage to score such in-demand tickets. First the conservatory, now this? Do you know someone?”

“I've always been a supporter of the arts,” Loki explained. They joined the line outside of the theater, waiting for the lobby doors to open. “Mother used to take me to see shows all the time when my father and brother were off...elsewhere. It always took my mind off things for while. I'm now a member of the trust that funds most of the theater productions in the city, so I get access to tickets before they're on sale to the public. Choice seating, too.”

“Ah,” said Sigyn, wishing her finances allowed her to support more non-profits. And that her schedule allowed her to see more shows. She enjoyed shows, concerts, plays...but rarely found herself actually going to see any. “I bet you're down here all the time, then, since it's so close to your office.”

“Not so much these days,” Loki admitted. “Few of my associates care for theater, and I don't care to see shows alone. Not without someone with whom I can share the experience.” He squeezed her hand.

The doors opened. They reached the massive lobby, with its grand, winding stairways leading to the upper sections of the theater. The lines moved quickly as the busy ushers pointed the patrons in the direction of their seats.

“We're not in the very front row, are we?” Sigyn asked.

“Box seats in the center balcony,” Loki said. “Private enough, but a perfect view of the stage. The front row strains one's neck after a time.”

“It also makes me self-conscious, being right up front,” said Sigyn. They'd reached an usher who escorted them to their section, though Loki required no assistance finding the seats. They entered the box, which they had all to themselves, and Loki helped Sigyn out of her coat before she sat.

“Why should being in the front make you self-conscious?”

“I'm not sure I like knowing the actors can see me watching them. Like I'm on display and must make sure I'm looking entertained at all times so they do not feel bad.”

“Oh, the actors can see you, darling,” Loki replied with a wink. “On the stage, under those lights, they can see _everyone_.”

“Are you trying to make me nervous?”

“Why should being seen make you nervous? You are a sight to behold.” Loki kissed the back of her hand. “Enjoy the show.”

The lights dimmed. The show began. Loki placed his hand over hers on the armrest between their seats. As the show went on, Sigyn hadn't realized how much she needed a night of laughter. Loki seemed to need the escape, too, though he watched her almost as much as the show itself. When she laughed particularly hard, he gave her a quick glance and a hopeful smile, pleased that she was enjoying herself.

Much too soon, the curtain call arrived, marking the end of the show. Loki was one of the first to stand for the cast, before the rest of the audience rose in a wave.

As the lights came back on, they stood, gathered their coats but did not leave the box yet. They watched as the seats below emptied, the crowds flooding the lobby. “That was wonderful!” Sigyn gushed, her spirits lifted after a long, cold week. She stretched, stiff from sitting for so long.

“Indeed it was.” Loki's eyes looked lighter. She hoped the escape had lifted him, too. Now that the audience had nearly cleared out, they took their leave. “Shall we have a drink, my sweet? I'm not quite ready for this evening to end.”

Outside, the streets had grown busy as various shows began and ended throughout the city. Sigyn and Loki walked along, heading to a wine loft not far from the theater.

“I think the songs were my favorite part, though,” Sigyn remarked, still giggling at some of the jokes from the show.

“I will admit a certain apprehension came over me whenever the piano started,” Loki replied. “But I am glad to be proven wrong this time. Music and comedy can be are not always a match made in heaven.”

“But you must admit, those who can do both music and comedy very well are exceptionally talented, especially ones who can make a long career out of it,” Sigyn went on. “Since it requires having a lot of skill in two very hard areas to master.”

“Fair point,” said Loki, pulling her closer as a few flurries dotted the sky. “But you must admit the ones who are not so successful are quite dreadful.”

“Everyone is dreadful for a while, until they improve at something.”

“Very true,” said Loki. “But that does not mean I wish to be subjected to it.”

They passed by a tavern with a neon pegasus in the front window. 80's synth pop blared from the inside, along with loud laughter. Sigyn slowed, peering into the windows at the brightly colored décor and boisterous chatter.

Loki tensed as they neared the front door, his pace quickened and he kept his head head down. Sigyn wondered if he were avoiding someone or something about that bar.

She didn't have to wonder long as the door burst open just as they moved away from the entrance. A group of people, three men singing loudly and stumbling along the streets, another stoically corralling them down the street, his face fixed in a permanent frown, and an exhausted woman looking mortified.

Loki hurried away, pulling Sigyn with him.

“Brother!” Loki froze as a voice boomed behind them. Sigyn watched as Loki winced, then turned to face the crowd. The large, blond-haired man in the middle, who'd been leading the singing. He grinned drunkenly at Loki, laughing as though his presence were a source of great amusement.

“Thor.” Loki gave a perfunctory nod. Sigyn assumed this loud, drunk man must be Loki's brother. He'd said little about his family, but she knew the tensions were fraught between them. “Sif. Fandral. Volstagg. Hogun.”

The heavyset, bearded man's eyes widened. “He remembers us!” He threw his hands up in mock celebration. The others laughed among themselves, but Loki's jaw tightened.

“You're a hard man to forget, Volstagg,” Loki countered with a cavalier grin. “Believe me, I have tried.”

“I see the cesspool of lawyers hasn't dampened your humor, Loki,” said the third man, this one also blond, with a more lean build than Thor. He looked as though he were constantly posing for an invisible photo shoot.

“Good to see you crawled out from your office,” said Volstagg. “From whatever it is you do all day.”

Thor shrugged. “Some of us do real work, others just argue.”

“What makes you think Loki does not do real work?” Sigyn cut in, despite herself. Only now did the group notice her, as Loki had been partially blocking her from their view. She did not know these people, but their smug superiority over Loki annoyed her. “You can make your little jabs all you like but the moment you wind up in jail, or being sued, or someone sues you, you'll be begging for someone like him to help you.”

To her surprise, Thor and his companions laughed more. “Its seems the great defender now has his very own little defender!”

Loki reached around and took Sigyn's hand. “And now if you'll excuse us, dear, brother, my little defender and I must be on our way.”

A switch flipped in Thor, going from arrogant and boisterous to surly and indignant. “Ever since New York you think yourself above us!” He angrily slurred, though it seemed to Sigyn quite the opposite. “Leaving changed you!”

“Go home, brother. Sober up. Go to sleep,” Loki snapped. Vexed, he stormed away, taking Sigyn with him.

“We must go,” said the sober man, herding his companions away down the street. Sigyn glanced over her shoulder to see the group make its way in the opposite direction, though Thor required some coaxing, still angry over the confrontation. She wondered how often Thor acted like that. How often Loki endured his temper.

Loki and Sigyn resumed their walk in silence. As the bar faded into the distance, Loki's stride calmed, his jaw unclenched. Sigyn bit her lip, replaying the entire conversation, wondering why and how it turned so sour. Generally meeting your partner's family was not supposed to go like this. Perhaps she'd spoken out of turn. Perhaps she'd only made things worse by speaking up. Perhaps Loki was angry with her for getting involved. They reached the wine bar, though Sigyn's desire for a drink dampened.

Once they were alone, seated at a smaller table by the door, Loki's mood seemed to improve. He engaged the with the server, asking about recommendations, waiting patiently while Sigyn chose her wine. Once the server departed, Sigyn took a breath, feeling the tension that hung in the air.

“Loki, about what happened-”

“Yes,” said Loki, his voice heavy with weary exasperation. “That oaf is my brother, Thor. And those stumbling buffoons are his friends. Inseparable since childhood. Occasionally they'd deign to include me in their exploits. When mother made Thor invite me, of course.”

“Are they always...like that?”

“Always inebriated?” Loki replied. “No. Obnoxious? Irritating? Grossly overestimating their wit? Yes.”

“I'm sorry I embarrassed you,” Sigyn said as the server returned and filled their glasses.“I just hated seeing them pile up on you like that. All because...you were there.”

Loki had been staring off, his hand curled in front of his face in deep thought before she'd spoken. Her words pulled him back to reality.

“Sigyn, have you any idea how many such jabs I have endured at the mercy of those imbeciles?”

“A lot?”

“More than I could possibly count. It's been this way my entire life. I've learned to brush them aside, to not let them work me up.”

“I know you can handle them on your own, Loki,” Sigyn said, absently swirling her wine around in its glass. “And I know know I shouldn't have intervened and undermined you. But it just seemed to me, that you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to endure them in the first place.”

“You misunderstand,” said Loki. “Yes, I have dealt with them all my life. But do you know how many people have stood up for me, in front of my brother, defended me as you did tonight?”

“How many?”

“None.”

“No one? Not even your parents?”

Loki considered. “Not unless you count making excuses: Boys will be boys. That's just how he is. Have you tried fitting in more? Don't be so sensitive.”

“Oh, Loki,” Sigyn's heart wrenched. Each time she heard about his family, she saw more of the wounded soul underneath. She ached to think of how alone he must have been all those years, isolated even by those who were supposed to love him. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” said Loki. “No one has ever done for me what you did tonight.”

“It didn't work,” said Sigyn. “Thor just laughed.”

“You tried,” said Loki. He took a breath, reaching for her hand. “You were willing to try. For me.”

“He called me a little defender.”

“And I will gladly take a little defender over no defender,” Loki replied. “And you must not discount your ability to defend, Sigyn. I suspect if you were angry enough you'd be quite formidable.”

“If only,” Sigyn said with a rueful laugh. “I cry when I'm mad. Not exactly spine-chilling terror.”

“Well, every great defender starts somewhere.” Loki raised his glass, and gestured for Sigyn to do the same. They clinked the glasses together. “To all defenders, big, and little.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Loki turned from his position on his sofa, where he'd been reading while Sigyn settled in after they'd gone back to his place from the wine bar. She'd brought a little bag with a change of clothes and a few other items, and now unpacked, placing them along the stand on her side of his bed. It pleased Loki a great deal to see it, a sign she'd grown more comfortable staying with him. He watched her from the half-open door, on some level not quite believing that such an exquisite creature as she currently occupied his condo. That she'd chosen to be with him tonight, when she could have spent it with anyone.

“Yes, my sweet?”

She stepped out of the bedroom and joined him on the sofa. “What did your brother mean about New York? That it changed you?”

A question Loki feared she'd ask. Part of the reason he'd tried so hard to avoid seeing his brother and his merry band of fools. Thor, thinking he knew Loki so well, when he barely even looked at him during their entire childhood, convinced Loki was the cause of all the family dysfunction. That Loki leaving home was the problem, and not the inevitable outcome of a lifetime of alienation. Who was Thor to say what affected Loki, when he'd never even bothered to ask what he'd been through. It was the presumptuousness that annoyed him.

“Everyone changes,” he said, putting his tablet aside and shifted back to make room for Sigyn. “Though it would appear this information is new to my brother.”

“The comment seemed to upset you. More than the other things they said.” Sigyn sat beside him. “That's why I wanted to ask you in private, in case it's something hard to talk about.”

“Thor does not know as much of me as he imagines,” Loki replied. In truth, Thor was not incorrect. He had changed after New York, but not in the way Thor seemed to think. “It's his arrogance, his foolishness that irks me.”

“Did something happen in New York? Something that hurt you?”

So she had noticed. She looked at him now, concern in her eyes. Part of him desired to tell her more, as he'd done on Christmas. More about the pain, the unpleasant memories...yet a greater part of him held back, not wishing to burden her.

Again the words bubbled up, aching to be said. Names, words, threats, all things Loki struggled to put behind him. His attempt to flee his family name leading to his darkest moments, forcing him to swallow his pride and crawl back home, trying to find his own way however he could. But the words died on his tongue.

Some things he preferred to forget. Keeping the memories a secret, he hoped, made it easier to pretend they hadn't happened. And for the most part, since no one asked, it was easy. Not that he would have told them anything. But tonight, for the first time, he felt like he could talk open up about New York. Perhaps he could tell her.

Someday, perhaps.

Not today.

Tonight was not a night for reliving the past. Only to relish her presence.

“It was not an altogether pleasant time.” Loki said at last. He pulled her into his lap. “But that is in the past.” He swept her hair off her shoulders, lips grazing along her collarbone, drawing a delighted sigh from her. “Let us focus on the here and now.”

His hands moved down her neckline, ready to unbutton her blouse, yet it seemed she'd already removed it, sending the garment to the floor. Her hands worked along his back, her mouth exploring him. Much of her initial shyness faded since their first night together, and Loki enjoyed these hints of boldness from her.

“I have been looking forward to this night all week,” Sigyn breathed. She pressed her forehead against his, pausing for air. “Just to be alone with you, to have a whole night with you.”

“You won't be disappointed,” said Loki, sliding his hand under her skirt, lifting the hem up past her thighs. “Although you did over pack.”

She tilted her head. “Did I?”

“You brought along your pajamas,” Loki teased between kisses. “But you will not have need of them.”

“It gets cold at night,” Sigyn protested. She gasped while Loki nipped at her neck. “I...I was just going to change into them...after...”

“Very well,” said Loki, pulling away the last bits of clothing between them. He looked her over. Sigyn. His Sigyn. The one who stood up for him where he'd always stood alone. His feelings for her deepened each day, yet each time it surprised him. “Then I shall keep you like this as long as possible...”


	9. Right Here Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new semester brings challenges for Sigyn, and an interesting piece of news for Loki.

The semester started with little fanfare. Just a surge in emails on Sigyn's student account and a few financial forms to fill out. Her job at the university library resumed, along with student ALA meetings, classes, and studying. Most of her days were spent either learning about, working at, or talking about, libraries. Though she enjoyed the field, found her classes interesting, and liked being around most of her classmates and coworkers, the whole world felt at times like a bubble, an echo chamber of buzzwords and talking points in which everyone competed to see who was the most dedicated. It was easy to forget that there was another world out there, one where people had normal conversations.

Tuesday was her longest day of the week: Starting with her Information Ethics class at 8 in the morning, followed by Resources for Young Adults at noon, followed by work until 8 in the evening, with studying in between. Friday was her only true day off, and even then she had assignments to complete, errands to run, chores to do.

She and Loki settled into a routine that worked for now. On Thursdays, after her Storytelling & Programming for Children class, she'd make her way over to Loki's condo, her arrival more or less coinciding with Loki getting back from his office. They'd spend the evening together, rising early the next morning as Loki departed for work. Sigyn would spend the day on her own, doing whatever else she needed to do, before they met up again later that evening. Then they'd rise in the morning for Sigyn to depart for work, and Loki would spend his free day doing what he needed to do, and so on until they parted ways late Sunday morning when Sigyn left for her next shift, and returned to her apartment that evening. Always going to, or coming from, some commitment or another. But Sigyn loved those evenings, when Thursday came to a close, a welcome reprieve from her bubble, a pause from the hectic pace of the rest of her days.

One Thursday evening, Sigyn arrived in the lobby of Loki's condominium. The doorman nodded a greeting, and she took a seat near the bank of elevators, her overnight bag tucked behind her feet. It was not unusual for Sigyn to arrive before Loki, so she patiently waited for him to appear at the front entrance.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Around the half an hour mark, her phone buzzed. A message from Loki: _Running late. Terribly sorry. _

She replied with a quick _Okay. See you soon. _The sky darkened. Buses pulled in front of the street corner and pulled away again as commuters filed in and out. Each time the front door opened, her hopes spiked, only to be dashed as other tenants walked in and passed her. She idly poked around on her phone, glancing at the door in between. She considered going for a walk, instead of languishing in the lobby, but she didn't know any place nearby to visit. So she waited still, occasionally getting up to walk the length of the lobby and sit down again. The hour dragged on, leaving even less time for Sigyn to spend time with Loki before they would part again.

A strange sting of rejection hit her. She'd rushed over, so excited to see him, only to find the lobby her only company. She wondered what could be keeping him. He was a busy man, she knew, and the occasional lateness wasn't something to be upset over. Yet the image of him in his office, working late, staying there long after everyone had left, whatever task deemed far more important than her, while she sat around waiting, activated her self-doubt. Perhaps she wasn't as important to him as he was to her.

_Of course his work is more important_ she thought. _It's his career. I'm just his date._ She checked the time again. The longer she waited, the less time they'd have together before the alarm buzzed the next morning. There was always an invisible countdown when they were together, before one had to leave the other. Unseen, yet ever-present, it now lingered over her as she waited, the sting of rejection turning to frustration. Did Loki not realize just how much she missed him? Did he not care?

_Maybe it's true. This is his way of telling me I don't matter. _

The longer she waited, the more plausible the idea became. As the idea morphed into certainty, so did the sting. She stood. _It would serve him right if I did leave. _She paced the little area by the elevators, not quite bringing herself to walk out the door.

Finally, an hour and a half after she sat down, Loki appeared at the front door, snowflakes sprinkled over his hair and shoulders.

“Darling, I am so sorry,” he said as he met her at her chair by the elevators. The doubts she'd accumulated vanished at his fervent embrace. His body, chilled from the outside cold, sent shivers down her back as it met her warmth. “Laufey requires my assistance for a case going to trial. I've been working 12 hour days all week.” He nuzzled the top her head and took a deep breath. “You've no idea how much I've longed for you.”

Relief mixed with guilt replaced her insecurity, and he noticed her distress when he released her. “Oh sweetheart,” he said, running a hand down her arm. “I did not mean to upset you. I left the instant I was able.”

“I know,” Sigyn replied. She couldn't resists reaching up and brushing the un-melted snowflakes from his hair, little droplets sinking into his inky waves. “It's nothing.”

“Oh no, I know that look,” said Loki. He grasped her free hand. “Tell me.”

Convinced as she was, just moments ago, that Loki didn't care for her at all, the notion died away, along with the sting that came with it. As she looked him over, the signs of exhaustion became apparent: the bluish tint beneath his eyes, slightly pallid skin, heaviness in his eyelids. He'd been working 12 hour days, pushing himself, would have been perfectly justified in canceling. Yet he'd come, still as delighted to see her as ever. Another pang of guilt.

“I just got a little...worked up,” said Sigyn. “I thought...maybe you didn't want to see me after all.”

“Of course I want to see you,” Loki replied. “Believe it or not, other lawyers are not exactly delightful company.”

This drew a small smile from Sigyn. “It was the waiting that got to me, not you. My thoughts ran away. ”

“Then allow me to bring them back.” Loki cupped her chin, leaned down, and kissed her, coaxing her lips apart. Being near him again, her thoughts drifted back from worry and doubt and returned to the moment, to him.

When they parted, Loki's lips moved to her ear. “Please do not ever think that I don't want to see you. I may have many obligations, but you are my pleasure.”

He lead her to the elevators, and into the condo. Though behind schedule, Sigyn finally relaxed. They may not have as much time together tonight, but they could make the best of it. They settled in, Sigyn setting her bag in the bedroom and curling up on the couch. They no longer felt the need to go somewhere or do something special every time they met, sometimes perfectly content to be together for the night.

Loki emerged from the bedroom and joined her. He'd changed from his work clothes, down to his undershirt and a pair of flannel lounge pants. The moment he sat beside her, he seemed to switch off, the exhaustion overtaking his face. His body desperately needed rest, and there was no fighting off the fatigue now.

Sigyn picked up the TV controller and switched on the screen. “What would you like to watch?”

“Whatever you choose,” Loki murmured. His eyes closed for a long period of time. He forced them open long enough to stretch out, placing his head on her lap, then closed them again.

Sigyn flipped around the selections for a bit, not finding much that caught her interest. Below her, Loki's fingers wrapped around her hand. His breathing slowed and deepened. His dark eyelashes fluttered, but never quite opened.

She switched off the screen, set aside the controller in favor of caressing the top of Loki's head. Her fingertips disappeared into his hair, reappearing when they traveled the length of the strands, only to sink back in when she returned them to the top of his scalp and back down.

“Mmmph,” Loki groaned, stirring at her touch. She drew her hand back, not wishing to disturb him.

He peered at her through the corner of his eye. “I didn't say stop.”

His eyes closed again when Sigyn's fingers returned to his head, rubbing little circles along his scalp. He breathed in deep, exhaling long and slow. She kept up her ministrations, with long, deep strokes from his head to the ends of his hair, the splendid weight of the dark mass slipping through her fingers. It was rare to see him like this, vulnerable and drifting off. Usually she succumbed to sleep first and woke after him. He worked so hard. She wondered if he'd ever allow himself a break.

Once Loki fell fully asleep, Sigyn leaned over as far as she could manage, just barely reaching the nearby lamp and flicking it off. With Loki in her arms, she laid back and closed her eyes.

Her last thought before she, too, fell asleep: _This was well worth the wait_.

Much too soon, the alarm went off. Sigyn whined in protest while Loki sprang to his feet, moving almost as though on autopilot. Running a hand over her face, Sigyn contemplated how on earth Loki could wake at such an ungodly early hour. Not just once a week, but daily. Even on his days off he still rose much earlier than she, usually coaxing her out just in time before her shift.

Already planning to take a nap as soon as she got home, Sigyn laid back down on the couch, stretching out her stiff legs while Loki disappeared into the bathroom, the faint hum of the fan and water running filling the pre-dawn quiet.

The water shut off. Sigyn reluctantly dragged herself off the couch, lurching into the bedroom. She rifled through her bag, fishing out her comb and various bottles, ready for her turn.

Once she was ready to go, she found Loki waiting at the kitchen island, fidgeting with some small, metal object.

“Ready?” Sigyn asked, stifling a yawn.

“Yeah,” Loki cleared his throat. “But first, I have something for you.” He held up the small metal object, revealing a set of keys.

“My spare set,” Loki explained. “The silver key is for the main door, if the doorman isn't there. The gold is for the condo. I never had need of them.” He sheepishly handed them over to Sigyn. “Until now.”

Sigyn stepped back in disbelief. “For me?”

“For you.”

“Why?”

“Sigyn,” Loki began. He stepped forward, closing the space between them. “I cannot guarantee I will never again be late, but if I am you are more than welcome to let yourself in, get comfortable, enjoy my offerings. Better to wait up here than that little lobby chair, anyway.”

Tentatively, Sigyn took hold of the keys. That two little bits of metal could hold such significance, that this minor exchange could profoundly move her, the whole thing seemed almost unreal. “You trust me?”

“I do.”

“Enough to let me come in here? Without you?”

Loki chuckled. “At this point I am rather certain you are not aiming to come up here for nefarious purposes. And if you were...well, your fingerprints are now all over the place. Bit too late for a heist now, darling.”

Sigyn stared at the keys, and back at Loki. It wasn't the practical solution to last night's problem that threatened to overwhelm her. It was what those little keys meant: He cared about her. He trusted her. Enough to let her be in his space, allowing her access to parts of his life he hid from all others.

“Sigyn?” Loki raised his brow. “Is that alright?”

“Oh Loki, it's more than alright,” Sigyn said, pulling him into a long kiss. “Thank you.”

“Just no wild parties. Not without me, anyway,” he said with a wink before putting on his coat. “Shall we?”

*

Loki waited outside the closed door to Laufey's office. The meeting, scheduled at 9 am, should have started five minutes ago, yet Laufey's seething rant resonated from the walls. His form moved around his desk, circling the phone as he ranted.

“Your client is a thief and a murderer!” the tirade went on. Interest piqued, Loki forced his eyes away from the glass window panels that lined the walls to Laufey's office. Laufey hated when anyone peered into his office from the glass panels, as he pointedly told Loki on his first day with the firm. Ever since the warning, Loki thought of looking through one of the panels and giving a little wave at Laufey each time he passed the office, though he'd thus far avoided the temptation. 

Eventually, Laufey barked out a “Good day!” followed by the slap of a hand against a phone. Loki waited two beats, then knocked.

“Enter.”

Loki opened the door, finding Laufey standing with his hands on his hips, still glaring at the phone's speaker long after the call ended. His intimidating expression offset by the dozens of snowglobes that decorated his office, along with the skiing and snowboarding certifications framed on the walls amid his degrees and accolades. A sharp contrast from the stern, ruthless, calculating image he'd cultivated in the courtroom and in press interviews.

“Ah, Loki,” said Laufey as Loki took a seat in front of the desk. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“As I recall you told me to meet with you at 9 today,” said Loki. “For case updates.”

Laufey squinted in confusion for a moment. “Ah, yes. I will hear you.”

Loki recited the case updates, most of which Laufey already knew. As Loki spoke, Laufey nodded along, with the occasional grunt, or “I see” in between. After Loki finished, Laufey gave a final nod, then stood, looking out his office window.

“Have you any insight you'd care to offer?” Loki asked, stymied by Laufey's lack of reaction.

“You've done well,” Laufey replied after a moment, eyes still on the window. “I'm pleased.”

“Thank you.”

Laufey put his hands in his pockets, face inscrutable. “Remind me, what firm were you with in New York?”

Loki's chest tightened. “The Chitauri firm. Two years.”

“Mmm. I've a few contacts at Chitauri. I don't believe I've ever asked you in detail about your time there. Your cases.”

“I see,” said Loki, fighting off an impending dread. Surely he was not planning to ask him _now_.

“It was a chance, bringing you on,” Laufey went on. “Not much experience. A sudden departure from your last firm. To say nothing of your surname.”

Loki clenched his jaw. Odin again, casting his shadow over Loki's attempt to make a name for himself.

“But my instinct has never steered me wrong. Another chance worth taking,” Laufey finished. At last he faced Loki. “You are going to the ski retreat this year, yes?”

“I am.”

“Good,” said Laufey. “There will be an important announcement concerning the firm. You'll want to be there to hear it.” He gestured toward the office door. “Keep me informed on the Gast case.”

Loki returned to his office, his pace quickening along with his heartbeat. An announcement about the firm. That he would want to hear. Though he rarely allowed himself to indulge in hopeful fancies, he suspected he knew what Laufey meant.

Someone at the firm would be made partner.

Him.

It wasn't certain just yet, but Loki allowed himself a small inkling of excitement. The annual ski retreat, in which the entire firm went to a nearby ski resort for a long weekend, never interested him all that much, but he attended every year as was expected. Though Loki liked skiing well enough, spending the entire weekend among his colleagues, vying for Laufey's favor, drained him. But now, the anticipation threatened to drive him mad.

Partner.

All his hard work, the long days, the late nights, the years of schooling, the difficult clients, the impossible cases, the sacrifice, right on the cusp of paying off.

Just a little longer, Loki mused, returning to his work with renewed fervor despite the heavy caseload. Just a little longer, a little bit harder, and it will all have been worth it.


	10. The Ice Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A winter storm interferes with Loki and Sigyn's plans, but sometimes cancellations bring something even better.

The following Thursday, the weather took a turn for the worse after a mild spell. The reports poured in, each more dire than the next. First rain, then snow, then ice over the evening as temperatures dropped, followed by a record low in the morning with a windchill sending the air well into the double-negatives. A perfect, terrible mix of below freezing temperatures, and an ice storm on its way from the north. The bus driver stopped a few streets before Sigyn's usual stop, stuck in the standstill traffic. He spoke with another bus driver headed in the opposite direction before his voice sounded over the intercom:

“Folks, we're getting reports that entire street is a sheet of ice right now. We'll be waiting here for a bit. You can either hop out now or keep me company. Up to you. Stay safe.”

A wave of sighs and groans rippled over the passengers, but almost all of them stood, filing out as the driver opened the doors. Sigyn joined the other passengers, offering a quick “Thank you” to the driver as she stepped off, careful of her footing. Her usual stop wasn't far, and better to take her chances on foot instead of sitting on a bus waiting for the salt trucks. The blustering wind blew icy chips into her face, dozens of little daggers stinging her cheeks. The sidewalks were in no better shape than the streets, and the whipping wind blew fresh and old snowfall into the sky, clouding Sigyn's view from anything more than a few feet in front of her.

Sigyn arrived at Loki's building just as the remaining slush on the ground hardened into perilous ice. She stomped the chunks of ice from her boots on the lobby floor mat. She wiggled her toes, numb from the chill, shivering in the spot where cold air met warm.

When she reached Loki's condo, melting ice and slush soaking her hair and clothes, the door opened before she could even reach the knob.

“Hey,” said Loki, warm and dry and dressed in his casual attire. His eyes widened as he took in her shivering, wet, wind-whipped and snow-covered figure. “I was beginning to worry.”

“B-buses were late...” Sigyn stammered, shaking off the lingering chill. “Everything was stuck...H-had to walk...rest of the way...”

“Then let's get you warm, my poor thing,” said Loki, ushering her inside. A fragrant aroma from the stove top made her stomach rumble. Loki helped her out of her coat as she kicked off her boots. He wrapped his arms around her. “Welcome,” he said as he kissed the tip of her nose.

Eager to get out of her wet, cold clothing, Sigyn made her way into the bedroom, digging out her pajama pants and an old sweat-shirt of Loki's she loved to sleep in. Droplets dripped from her hair as the snowflakes kept melting.

“Would you like help? With your hair?” Loki asked. He'd emerged from the bathroom with a towel.

She tilted her head forward, allowing the soaked strands to fall in his direction. He wrapped the towel over her head and around the length of her hair, squeezing the water from her curls. His hands worked up and down along the towel, lightly rubbing here and there, far longer than was probably necessary, drawing a soft laugh from her.

“There,” said Loki, lifting the towel and releasing her hair. He dropped the damp towel in favor of the blanket folded over the foot of the bed and draped it over her shoulders. He caressed her back and kissed her. “Mmm, much better, much less like kissing a Popsicle. But I think we're not quite there yet. Come.”

Back in the kitchen, the savory aroma returned. Sigyn took a seat by the island as Loki filled two bowls with something from the stock pot. When he came closer she realized it was tomato soup, along with a little plate of crostini. The various dirtied dishes a clear sign it did not come from a can.

“Mmm, I am starving,” Sigyn remarked. She swirled her spoon around the red liquid, releasing some steam before she sampled. When she lifted the spoon to her lips, the sweet, slightly acidic heat reverberated through her body, further dispelling the chill from her body.

“How did you get so good at cooking?” Sigyn asked between spoonfuls. She took a slice of crostini from the plate and dipped it into the soup. “I can't imagine law school left much time for culinary pursuits.”

“I was alone a lot, especially in my teenage years,” said Loki. “Parents on business travel all the time. Thor running off with his friends. I was left behind.” A lost look overtook his features. He absently tapped his spoon against the edge of the bowl. “I started teaching myself to cook when I got sick of making peanut butter sandwiches all the time.”

Sigyn pictured a young Loki, all alone, waiting for a family dinner that wasn't going to come, scraping together food for himself just to not go to bed hungry. Growing up so much faster than a child ever should, adults so busy praising his maturity that they didn't see how much he needed them. Little wonder he'd always seemed so hungry, searching for something he'd never quite found. She'd hoped he'd find it.

“Well, this is very satisfying, Loki,” Sigyn said. “Thank you.”

“Ah, I am delighted to know my efforts have already satisfied you, my sweet,” said Loki with a sly grin. “But the night is still young. I hope you are prepared for more satisfaction.”

They'd had plans to see a movie that night. A local cinema showed classic films on Thursday evenings at a discount, and Sigyn wanted to treat Loki occasionally whenever she could. But as the ice came down in full, and the streets below filled with the headlights of stopped cars, Sigyn lost all desire to leave the warmth.

“Speaking of which, mind if we stay in?” Sigyn asked. “I don't think I can go out there again. Not for awhile. It's bad.”

“Judging by the view out there, I doubt we'd get much further than the front door,” said Loki. “Staying in, it is.”

They'd emptied their bowls, finished off the crostini, and now faced the pile of dishes. “You cooked. I'll clean,” Sigyn offered as they cleared the plates. She located a pair of rubber gloves and scrub brush by the sink. “Go relax.”

Instead, Loki picked up a dish towel while hot bubbles filled the sink. “And sit all alone on my couch while you're stuck with my mess? You wash, I will dry.”

They tackled the stack of dishes, with Sigyn scrubbing and Loki drying, placing the cleaned items back into the cabinets until the sink and counter cleared.

“What shall we do now?” Sigyn asked, sliding off the gloves.

Loki responded by sliding his arms around her waist. He ducked his head and nipped the skin at the base of her neck, drawing a quiet moan from Sigyn. “I've a few ideas.”

“Ooh,” Sigyn breathed, tilting her head back. She clung to his shoulders as her knees weakened. “I love your ideas.”

Loki's powerful embrace lifted her from her feet. He returned to the bedroom, resting her on the bed while he sat above her. He slid a hand down her cheek. “You've no idea, do you? How very alluring you look tonight.”

Sigyn laughed. “Like this? In pajama pants and one of your old shirts? My hair a mess?”

“From the moment I saw you shivering in my doorway, I have wanted nothing more than this.” He caressed her side, from her shoulder down to her hip. “You. Relaxed. Unadorned. Tender and warm. Just for me.”

Sigyn met his eyes. His lost look from dinner replaced by a thoughtful, amorous one. As though she were his greatest discovery. As though he needed something only she could provide.

That thing he'd always searched for.

Could it have been her?

She pulled his head down into a deep kiss. He made a small yelp of surprise, but wasted no time in running his hands up and down her body, pushing fabric up and away to expose her skin. Moments like this held a surreal quality for Sigyn. That someone as elegant, charming, possessed of an ethereal beauty as Loki could be with her. To be as intimate as this with anyone, much less him, remained a foreign concept to her. A dream-like quality surrounded their coupling, though every touch, sigh, moan, and laugh was completely real.

“Oh Loki,” she breathed. “I never though a twisted ankle could bring so much happiness.”

Loki quirked an eyebrow at her, suppressing an incredulous chuckle. “I beg your pardon?”

“If I hadn't slipped and fallen on the ice, you would not have stopped for me. You would have just been another customer I wouldn't have seen again.” She caressed his shoulders, admiring how his eyes shifted from green to a pale blue in the dark moonlight. “I never thought an accident could lead to the best part of my life. You.”

“_Me_?” Loki's eyes filled with incredulity and awe. “I am the best part of your life?”

“You are,” Sigyn whispered. “No one has ever made me feel like you do. Desired. Special. Worth loving. When I'm with you, I truly believe I am exquisite and ravishing and all those other things you say.”

“You should believe it,” said Loki. “Because it's true.” His hands grasped her calves, pulling them apart as he slid her body forward until her hips reached his. She wrapped her legs around his waist, savoring his nearness.

Several vibrations from Loki's phone disrupted the mood. Loki rolled his eyes and dismissively resumed his attentions on Sigyn. Seconds later, the vibrations resumed, sending the phone rumbling across the bedside table. Loki glared at the phone, spying the Laufey and Associates contact name. He dropped his head in annoyance.

“I should get that,” Loki groused. “It could be urgent.”

“It's alright,” said Sigyn. “Go ahead.”

Loki snatched the phone off the table. “Loki Odinson.”

Sigyn watched from the bed. His tone remained professional and even despite his irritation just a moment ago. He flipped from personal to business in an instant. It was then Sigyn noticed several alerts on her own phone next to his. She reached over to pick it up, but Loki handed it over so she didn't have to stretch far. She discovered several texts from the university alert system and local news, all of which more or less stated the same thing:

Effectively, the city was shut down for the night and much of tomorrow until the ice storm passed.

Only emergency vehicles permitted on the roads.

The University closed.

The libraries closed.

The courts closed.

“I see. Thank you.” Loki hung up. “Mmm. It seems my office is closed tomorrow. Ice storms will do that.”

“The ice storm shut down the university, too.”

“Ah,” said Loki as he said the phones aside. “It seems you're booked for an extended stay, my dear.” He crawled back over her, his mouth back on her collarbone and working its way down her body.

“Then why don't we make the best of-” her words cut off by her gasp as Loki's lips reached that little spot on the inside of her thigh.

A mischievous chuckle emanated from Loki's throat. “Oh believe me, my sweet little Sigyn, we will.”

*

Loki's eyes opened just after 5am, like clockwork even though he had nowhere to be. He rested his head back on the pillow, brushing his lips over the head full of strawberry blonde hair nestled against his shoulder. The owner of said hair sighed and snuggled closer, her arm draped over his torso. He'd always been a light sleeper, though he woke far less and dreamed more on the nights spent with Sigyn beside him. Her sleeping form, wrapped in his arms, was a balm, an anchor securing him away from darker thoughts and memories.

Now fully awake, his curiosity turned to the window. The ice storm raged on all night, and the single-digit temperature and heavy winds left the city at its mercy. In the dark morning, the sky calmed, but Loki wondered what how the streets looked in the storm's wake. He eased himself out of Sigyn's grasp, untangled his legs from hers, gently placing her arm on the pillow where his head had been. She moaned a bit, but her eyes did not open, nor did her breathing change.

Outside, the streets were coated with ice, the grass and trees hardened with snow and frost, and icicles nearly two feet long dripped from every building in sight. Not a soul or vehicle dared venture onto the concrete, lending the usually busy neighborhood an eerie silence.

Fascinated, Loki watched the scene from the window, but another sight, one further away, drew his curiosity. He turned back to the bed.

“Sigyn?” He sat on the corner, brushing her errant curls away from her face. She did not stir.

“Darling,” Loki tried again, nudging her shoulder. “It's time to wake.”

“Mmmph...” Sigyn whined, burying her face into the pillows. “...comfortable...”

Loki frowned. He may have been a light sleeper but nothing short of a sonic boom could rouse Sigyn before she was good and ready.

_I suppose I'll have to...encourage her then_ Loki thought. He lifted the sheet, exposing her side. He traced her arm, drawing a slight giggle from her.

His fingers reached her waist, and he tickled her soft skin, drawing another giggle. She swatted lazily in his direction, attempting to burrow back under the sheets. Loki pulled the corners away from her grasp, then ticked the other side of her waist. She squealed, squirming away from Loki's tickling fingers only to find herself scooped up in his arms.

“Good morning, my dove,” said Loki, grinning as her eyes opened. “It's good to see you awake.”

“You woke me!” Sigyn protested, still giggling. “On our snow day, no less!”

“Yes, that I did.” Loki kissed her. “For there is something you must see. And you can only see it on mornings like this.”

“But everything is closed. What could possibly be out there?” Sigyn asked. “Especially this early.”

“Get dressed,” said Loki, rising. “Trust me.”

Half an hour later, while the sky remained dark, Sigyn and Loki were clad in their warmest clothing. Sigyn blinked the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes, still yearning to be back in bed. But Loki's eagerness to explore the icy city proved infectious. The child-like excitement in his eyes revealed a new side of him, and a very welcome one.

They left the condominium, finding no trace of last night's traffic jam at the front entrance. The sharp blast of cold pushed the breath from Sigyn's body. As she breathed the cold are seeped into her lungs, leaving her rigid as she moved. Loki draped his arm over her, guiding her and keeping the chill at bay as they walked. They avoided the sidewalks, sticking to the snow wherever possible. The icy white crunched on their boots, leaving the very first footprints of the day. A few blocks later, they came to the base of a hill with a metal stairway leading to the top. It was one of many such city stairways, originally built over the centuries to allow blue collar workers better access to the factories and urban hubs at the heart of downtown before public transit systems came to be.

“Where does this lead?” she asked.

Loki tested the stairs, finding them slick, but manageable with use of the railing. “To the park above the hill. And one of the best views in the city.”

His foot slipped on an icy step, yet he corrected so quickly and kept moving, barely even reacting to the stumble and recovering with such style that Sigyn half-wondered if he'd meant to do it. After he climbed a few steps, Sigyn tentatively took hold of the railing and followed. Overhead, the sky gradually lightened.

When she reached the final step, she found Loki standing at the crest of the hill, the entire city sprawling out below. But the real sight was the rivers that ran throughout the landscape. Usually robust and flowing, the cold left them frozen solid. The winter storm really had left the entire city frozen. And beautiful.

“Ah,” said Loki, eyes on the sky. “There it is.”

Sigyn looked up. The sun rose over the horizon, casting away the dark. As it brightened the sky over the city, the light met the crystalline ice and shimmered over the snow. She'd never seen an entire city sparkle like this.

“Oh,” she breathed. “Oh wow.”

“And to think this would be rush hour on any other day,” Loki mused. “All those commuters, all that technology, all those busy lives, brought to a screeching halt by nature. We pretend we've conquered it all, but then something like this demonstrates how little power we truly have over the elements. How very wrong we are.”

Sigyn turned to him. He surveyed the view, a slight smile on his lips, as though admiring the storm's work, when most were likely annoyed at the inconvenience. Yet another example of how different he was from anyone she knew.

“I must say,” Sigyn began. “When I found out you were an attorney, I was a bit taken aback.”

He glanced over at her. “Oh?”

“Not in a bad way,” she went on. “It's just...you're not really the kind of person I pictured when I think of lawyer types. My past experiences with them weren't so positive.”

“Ah,” Loki replied. “You are not alone in that assumption. Greedy scumbag, amoral leech...I've heard it all before.”

“I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,” said Sigyn.

“You didn't.”

“It's just...” Sigyn sighed. She didn't know why, but she needed to explain to Loki why she'd held such a negative view of his profession before he came along. “When my parents split up, things got ugly. Family court and everything. The custody battle....every little thing each of my parents ever said or did dragged through the mud. And their lawyers brought it all out.” She took a deep breath, struggling not to turn into the lost, confused child she'd been when her life fell apart. “I remember I was on the stand, and my mother's lawyer questioned me. There was something about him. I knew he was aiming at something, and I didn't want him to get it, but I didn't know what or how to stop him. And I answered his questions, I was honest like my parents and the judge said I should be but I...I did it wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

Sigyn scraped some frost off the ground with her boot. “I don't know. The questions seemed innocent enough. About school. My friends. My hobbies...but when it was over, I knew he won, somehow. And it was true. The judge gave my mother joint custody and full child support even though she was the one who cheated.” She shook her head, recalling the defeated look on her father's face, the unsettling realization that she'd let him down. “And that lawyer...he got what he wanted. Our family was split apart for good, and he didn't even care.”

“He _couldn't_ care.”

Sigyn looked over at Loki, who'd been silent during her story. “What?”

“That lawyer,” Loki explained. “He couldn't care. He did what he needed to serve his client. It's the mantra of every lawyer, regardless of their specialty. You do what you must for the client. You get the result. Anything else is merely a means to an end.”

Now Sigyn saw the side of Loki that came out in the court room- a determined, calculating, performance. But one that sounded less like his true thoughts but rather the ideals of his field. “Even if people get hurt?”

Loki licked his lips, considering his words. When he spoke, his tone was gentle. “Sigyn, I don't expect you to understand, but in my profession, you have to leave your emotions in the parking lot. You can't feel. You can't survive if you do. So many smart, capable law student don't grasp this and leave within their first few years of practice. All that debt and nothing to show for it.”

“You prefer being callous?”

“I prefer accepting the role I must play for my client,” Loki said after a moment, eyes on the view. “In order to succeed, in order to get up and do this every day...you have to accept that you will always be someone's bad guy. The reason someone walks about of court without having their day. Defense, prosecutor...it doesn't matter what side, one side will lose and sometimes it means someone will be unhappy with you. You have to to be willing to be the bad guy. You have to be okay with being the villain.”

His words were strong, but the vulnerable, uncertain look in his eyes told Sigyn his convictions didn't quite align with what he'd said.

“Are you?” Sigyn asked quietly. “Are you okay with being the bad guy?”

Loki closed his eyes and turned away. “_Please_ don't ask me that.”

Sigyn stepped closer, running her hand down the back of Loki's arm. She though she heard a soft sniffle, but couldn't see his face. She pressed her body against his back, hugging him from behind, resting her head against the back of his coat. His gloved hand covered hers, and for a long while they remained in place, the shimmering city showing slight signs of life below them.

“It's quite cold out here, huh?” Sigyn remarked after awhile. Her toes and tip of her nose numbed in the chill. She released Loki, but kept her hand entwined with his. “Let's find some coffee.”


	11. Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sigyn's plans for Valentine's Day don't go quite as planned.

“So you're like...a real lawyer?”

Loki tilted his head at the brunette woman sitting on the ottoman across from him. It was Valentine's Day, and he was taking Sigyn to Valhalla, one of the finest restaurants in the area, located about an hour's drive outside of the city. Formal dining, formal attire. Reservations only, he'd booked the table further in advance than he cared for Sigyn to know. He wore his finest suit, the one usually reserved just for trial appearances, and was eager to see Sigyn's finery. He'd been waiting outside her apartment building when Darcy, her roommate, spotted him and invited him up. “Come say hi instead of creepin out here like a weirdo,” she'd said. He'd taken a seat on the futon, and now awaited for Sigyn to emerge from her bedroom. Over by the little dining table, Mantis sat, watching Loki with wide, intent eyes.

“Do I not look like one?”

“I mean, you put people in jail and stuff?” Darcy idly flipped through a Sutur's delivery menu, the _Fiery Heat, Giant Flavor_ slogan emblazoned over the pamphlet.

“Ah, well in my practice we try to keep people out of jail.”

“Do you know any serial killers?” asked Mantis.

“Client-attorney privileged information,” said Loki with a cheeky smirk. Mantis' mouth dropped open.

Sigyn's bedroom door opened slightly. Loki stood and watched her step into the hallway, his heart stopped at the sight of her. Clad in a knee-length velvet green dress with a gold metal belt, black tights, and black ankle boots, with her hair pulled back into a braided bun, a few loose, shorter ringlets framing the front of her face, exposing her delicate neck. A thin, gold necklace graced her collarbone. Her eyes were lined, eyelashes thick with mascara, her lips a glossed, peachy color. Though she was always beautiful, he'd never seen her quite so dolled up. The sight of her like this caught his breath.

“Hi,” she said, a sheepish smile on her lips. She glanced down, suddenly shy. Closer, Loki now saw the pale touches of green coloring on her eyelids.

“Hey,” Loki grasped her hand. “You're stunning.”

“Thank you,” Sigyn stood on her toes and gave Loki a very light peck on the cheek, so as to not smudge her lip color, and keep the gloss off his face, for now. Her restraint filled Loki's mind with thoughts of stripping away the fanciful dress, pulling the pins from her meticulously styled hair until it all came spilling down, and covering her mouth with his until the sheen and peach smeared away. But it could wait until tonight. “Shall we?”

He glanced over his shoulder, back at the roommates who watched them both. “Can we have a moment alone?”

Back in her bedroom, they sat beside one another on Sigyn's tiny bed. Loki reached into his coat pocket and cleared his throat. “Now I know we agreed no gift but, I'd be delighted if you were to wear this tonight.” He pulled the little jewelry box from his pocket, and presented it before her.

“Oh?” Sigyn's brow creased. She opened the velveteen box, squeaking at the gift inside.

“You remembered!” She lifted the little gold snake brooch they'd bonded over when he first came to her jewelry shop. She'd pointed it out as her favorite, and Loki had never forgotten. He'd purchased the day after Sigyn's last shift at Infinity Gems, determined to get it before someone else could buy it.

“I hope I didn't overstep in getting this,” said Loki. “But I wanted you to have it.”

“No, I love it,” Sigyn gushed. She removed the snake and fastened it to her dress. It's emerald eyes sparkled from the deep green velvet. “It's like seeing an old friend.”

She kissed him again, this time a little more firm. “Thank you.” She stood, rifling through her purse before pulling out a small red gift bag. “Besides, you are not the only rule-breaker around here.” She handed over the gift bag. “For you.”

Loki opened the bag, lifting away the tissue. Inside, he found a checkered green and black scarf, long enough to drape over his neck with a bit of fringe on the ends. A delicate, clean pattern, it would coordinate with almost every shirt and suit he owned. It was exactly the type of scarf he would have picked for himself. He could hardly recall the last time someone had understood him to well to pinpoint his taste.

“I know it's not even close to what you spent on me,” Sigyn said. “But you've been so good to me and I just wanted to find something nice for you. Do you like it?”

“It's perfect, my sweet.” Loki unfolded the scarf, draping it over his dress shirt and under his suit, pleased with the way it added a bit of color to his clothing. “Magnificent.” He straightened. “But now that we are appropriately attired, I think we ought to be on our way.”

“Later, lovebirds,” Darcy called as they left the building.

Set in an old Victorian-style manor house designated as a historical landmark, Valhalla sat on top of a hill overlooking a small farming town where it sourced most of its local fare. The estate also offered private tours when the kitchen was closed, and boasted a collection of fine art. Loki first came there for a wedding, one of Frigga's cousins when he and Thor were still very young. Thor had whined about the lack of pizza and nothing to do, and Loki had snuck off while the adults were too busy clinking their glasses, looking to explore. Frigga caught him just as he was unhooking the velvet rope to go up the stairs to the rest of the estate, and dragged him back to his spot at the kids' table. His palate had grown considerably since then, and now he anticipated the rare wine flights Sigyn's face as she took in the history of the place, and the staff treated her like a princess.

The road leading to Valhalla twisted and wound up the side of the steep hill, but first they'd have to cross through a winding road in a wooded area to reach it. The light from the restaurant shone at the peak, yet as the Jaguar steered this way and that, the thin guide rails provided little coverage against the steep drops. Loki drove with care, but nevertheless Sigyn clutched the corner of her seat more than once.

“By the way, do you ski?” Loki asked, as the road reached a more even stretch of road.

Sigyn shook her head. “I've never skied before. The closest I've come is ice skating. Even then I mostly cling to the side of the rink.”

“Perhaps I can be the one to teach you.”

Sigyn furrowed her brow. “When?”

“I'm expected to attend the firm's annual ski retreat later this month,” Loki explained. “Three days. Lots of long speeches and boring dinner guests. But, if you were to accompany me, I suspect the weekend may be much more enjoyable.”

“Is that allowed?”

“Of course,” said Loki. “All attendees are permitted one guest. But I've not had occasion to bring someone. Until now.”

Sigyn thought over Loki's offer. Her busy schedule would be a challenge to clear. And she'd be surrounded by Loki's colleagues. She'd never attended a work retreat before, much less at a place she did not work at. The chances that she'd ruin something for him, or embarrass him, were very high. Still, it was an offer she knew she'd regret if she turned it down, passing up a long weekend at a resort, learning to ski for the first time, and seeing someplace new, while she stayed home and studied.

“I understand if you can't make it,” said Loki. “But you're more than welcome to join me. I think you'd enjoy it.”

“I haven't said no,” said Sigyn. “I'm just thinking over my schedule. I'd have to rearrange my hours at work to make up my time, but I could catch up on class on CourseWeb...”

“Look, I know you're busy,” said Loki. “You don't have to.”

“But what if I want to?” Sigyn retorted. “Maybe I'd like a little break.”

“So you'll come?”

“Why not?” said Sigyn. “Sounds fun, and I've never skied before. Might as well try, right?”

Loki smiled at her. “Good.” He reached over and patted her upper leg. “Very good. I'll need you.”

“Why?”

“Laufey tells me there will be announcement at the retreat,” Loki said, with a sheepish smile. “I've a very strong reason to suspect a new partner will be selected. And I may be a contender.”

Sigyn clapped her hands. “Loki! That's wonderful! I hope you're chosen.”

“Well, it's not an absolute certainty,” Loki admitted. “But regardless, I would very much like to have you with me. Hopefully to celebrate.”

“I will be there, Loki,” Sigyn promised. “I will absolutely be there.”

Loki took his eye from the road for just a split second. “Excellent.”

From the corner of the windshield, a beige blur leaped into view. Loki yelped, swerving to avoid impact, slamming the brakes as the deer panicked and kicked at the car door. The deer sprang away, but the front tire caught on a slick of black ice, sending the jaguar into a swerve towards the steep dropoff. Loki yanked the steering wheel in the opposite direction, sending the car's bulk to the other side around a sharp bend. It spun, the brakes useless, sliding off the roadway before coming to an abrupt halt when it hit heavy brush at the bottom of the hill with a horrifying crunch of metal. Sigyn clutched the side of her seat, unable to suppress her scream. Her body jerked back on the impact.

Silence. Sigyn, limbs shaking, surveyed the mess. The shattered windshield. The needled bushes covering the car. The mess of the interior wreck. And Loki, slumped over the steering wheel, face covered by the slowly deflating airbag, a trail of blood seeping from his temple.

“Oh, Loki, no!”

Alone, far from home, helpless in a wrecked car, panic seized Sigyn's chest. Time froze. Her mind drew a blank at what to do. Surely she'd learned what to do in the event of an accident, but what first? Help Loki? But what if she only made hurt him further?

_Phone phone phone _She thought, scrambling though her purse with shaking hands. She'd nearly dropped her phone twice before she managed dialing 911. As the call connected, she looked back over at Loki. Little clouds of air visible near his mouth told her he was breathing, certainly a good sign.

“911, what's your emergency?” the dispatcher connected at last.

“Yes...car accident...a-a deer...my-my boyfriend's really hurt- his-his head...” Sigyn stammered, struggling to find her words as her heart raced and her breathing grew rapid. Tears picked at her eyes. “I don't...I don't know.,.”

“Miss, miss, stay with me, okay? Let me figure out your location and we'll send help.” The dispatcher's calm tone calmed Sigyn enough for her to take a few slow breaths. “Now tell me where you were headed...”

The hour grew late in the hospital waiting room. Sigyn watched the door, hoping for some sign of Loki. The last hour flew by in a terrifying blur. Somehow, she'd managed to call 911, report on the accident, listen to and follow operator's instructions, in tears with relief when the flashing lights arrived. They'd cleared the wreckage, pulled Loki from the driver's seat and into the ambulance, with her by his side along the way. When they arrived at the hospital, they'd rushed Loki through the double doors as a nurse lead her into a separate examination room. So caught up in her worries of Loki, it never occurred to Sigyn that she might be injured, too. Her heart throbbed so much that it obscured any other sensation. Luckily, aside from several major bruises from the impact, she'd sustained no serious damage. Now she waited to hear about Loki's prognosis.

The Jaguar would not be repaired any time soon, leaving them in the small town at the bottom of Valhalla for tonight. Assuming Loki would be leaving the hospital... She clutched at her necklace in worry.

At last, the waiting room door opened. A nurse walked out, approaching her. “He's in pain, some soft tissue damage, a nasty head scrape. CAT scan looks normal. But we'll be keeping him overnight for observation to monitor for signs of head injury.”

“May I see him?”

The nurse took her back through the hallway, showing her into Loki's room. Loki lay on the small bed, his sharp suit replaced by a pale blue gown, hair mussed, a deep purple bruise over his eye where he'd hit the steering wheel, the gash on his forehead closed with a few stitches. His eyes were half closed, but he looked away when he saw her, ashamed.

“Loki,” Sigyn smiled. “I was so worried.” She took the empty seat by the bed, gingerly kissing his cheek. “How are you holding up?”

“Well enough,” Loki said, still not looking at her. “You're hurt.”

“Just some bruising, that's all,” Sigyn replied, obscuring the angry red mark across her collarbone where the seat belt had dug into her skin. “I'm fine.”

“You might not have been.”

“Hey,” Sigyn scooted as close as the chair and the barrier along the bed would allow. “This wasn't your fault. That deer came out of nowhere. They're everywhere this far out. And the ice...”

“Just one second...just one second I looked away...it's ruined,” Loki murmured. “I should have been more careful.”

“You did your best. And thanks to that, we're going to be fine.” She rubbed Loki's forearm, careful not to disturb his pulse oximeter. “If you're worried about the car, the expense, we can sort it out. Just rest.”

“It's not the car.” Loki squeezed his eyes shut, and a tear came out of one.

“It's alright, Loki, it's alright,” Sigyn soothed. “You're in pain. Take it easy.”

“I _deserve_ this,” Loki hissed. “I should be in pain...but you don't.”

“No, you don't deserve the pain, Loki. Do you need the nurse? We can get you-”

“I could have killed you!”

Sigyn bit her lip, watching as Loki wiped at his un-bruised eye, the guilt evident all over his face. It wasn't his fault, he'd never intended to her hurt her, but still the terrible outcomes, though avoided, weighed on him.

“Loki?” Sigyn began. “Loki, look at me.” To emphasize her point, she lightly cupped his chin and tilted his head towards her. He opened his eyes and faced her.

“You've been crying,” he remarked.

“Yes.” Sigyn placed a self-conscious hand over her mascara-smeared cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. “It's been a harrowing night. I was so scared when I saw you, I felt so lost...” her voice hitched again. She cleared her throat. “But listen, I'm going to be fine. You're going to be fine. And I know you would never hurt me. This was not your fault, surely you know that.”

Loki gazed at her, a soft smile gracing his face at last. He reached up and caressed her cheek. “You looked so beautiful tonight.”

Sigyn clasped her hand over his. “Tonight may not have gone as we wanted, but there will always be tomorrow. Besides, we came for dinner, yes? Perhaps I can find something here for us.” She stood. “I'll be back soon.”

Sigyn wandered, looking for a hospital directory. After much searching, she found the hospital cafeteria closed for the night. The only food source at this late hour appeared to be the row of vending machines in the hall. She pushed all the leftover coins and dollar bills into the slots, with just enough for a few snacks and a drink for the two of them. After much careful deliberation, she made her selections and brought the little feast back to Loki's room.

“I know it's not Valhalla quality,” Sigyn said as she placed her offerings on the fold-out tray attached to Loki's bed. “But it's better than nothing.” She held up the Snickers bar. “And of course, it's Valentine's Day, so chocolate is a must.” She found two small plastic cups in the hospital room, and poured a little bit of the bottled iced tea she'd brought up into each one.

“You think of everything, my sweet,” Loki remarked with a rueful smile. “If only I hadn't spoiled our plans...”

“We're together, sharing a meal...of sorts...and looking after each other,” Sigyn replied, offering one of the small cups to Loki. “That was the real plan after all, wasn't it?”

“I suppose.”

“Besides, tonight was much more...exciting than how I'd typically spend Valentine's Day.”

“Which is?”

“Well, I sort of like to...” Sigyn replied sheepishly, “have some wine...and watch Dirty Dancing... It's a bit of a guilty pleasure.”

“Never feel guilty about pleasures, love,” said Loki. “Unabashedly enjoy what makes you happy.”

Sigyn lifted her plastic cup. “Then I will unabashedly enjoy my Valentine's Day with you, hospital or Valhalla.”

They tapped their plastic cups together and sipped the iced tea. When they'd finished the little feast of snacks, Sigyn tossed the wrappers into the trash bin. She'd lost sense of time over the long night, but as her adrenaline settled, her body compelled her to rest. She sunk back into the chair, unable to summon much more energy to move.

“Sigyn?” Loki asked. “Are you going to go? There's a small motel nearby.”

Sigyn cracked an eye open. She didn't even realize she'd started to doze. “No, Loki. I don't want to leave you. Not all alone like this. On our special night. I'll stay with you.”

“That chair will hardly be comfortable,” said Loki. “And as gorgeous as you look, I imagine you'd prefer not to sleep in your lovely dress.”

“Loki, I can't...I can't undress in a hospital like that,” Sigyn protested, though he had a point. “It's indecent!”

“It's a hospital, love. They have seen far more of the anatomy than one ever cared to,” Loki replied. “And we'll keep you covered before anyone sees you, if you wish to be modest.”

The door to Loki's room was closed. No one had come by since the nurse had dropped her off. If she moved quickly...

“Can you lift that sheet?” Sigyn asked, kicking off her boots. She pointed to the extra linen folded at the end of Loki's bed. “So that it's like a curtain?”

“Oh yes, we mustn't let that _lecherous_ EKG machine see you undress,” Loki chuckled, wincing slightly from lingering pain, but complied. He unfolded the sheet, spreading it as high as his spot on the bed would allow, and held it like a small curtain. Sigyn ducked under, wiggled off her dress and tights, down to her slip. Loki released the sheet. Sigyn tugged the pins from her hair, allowing Loki to assist, until it fell in a wavy mess down her back. She was about to return to the chair when Loki took her hand. “Ah, ah, in the bed.”

“Is there room?”

“We will make room.” Loki pulled her closer. “We did not get this far to not share a bed.” He pointedly shifted over to the edge, raising his eyebrows at her.

Sigyn gingerly climbed in, taking up the space Loki left for her. If she thought her twin-sized bed was small, this one was positively microscopic. Complicating matters were the various cords and wires attached to Loki, which she tried not to disturb. “I'm not hurting you, am I?” she asked, attempting to settle in.

“Your lovely body can hardly inflict much more damage than the crash did,” Loki nuzzled her forehead. “You were very brave tonight.”

“When?”

“When I needed you,” Loki replied. “Calling for help when I could not.”

“I only did what anyone would do.”

“You did what everyone thinks they would do,” Loki went on. “But panic clouds the mind, overrides the logic of one's brain. But you prevailed just in time.”

“It was terrifying,” Sigyn sighed. “The crash...seeing you unconscious...bleeding...”

“I know, sweetheart,” Loki soothed, kissing her forehead. “But I may have heard your voice...something you said...”

“When I was calling 911?”

“You called me your boyfriend.”

Sigyn looked up. “Is that alright? It just came out when I was-”

“Sigyn,” Loki laughed. “It's more than alright. In fact, I'd like for you to refer to me as such much more often.”

“Does that mean I'm your girlfriend?”

“I don't typically make elaborate Valentine's Day plans for work colleagues,” Loki replied. “So I'd say yes, you qualify as a girlfriend. My girlfriend.” Loki ran a thumb over her cheekbone. "My beautiful, brave, smart, sweet, loyal girlfriend." 


	12. Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the car crash leaves Loki with more than a few headaches.

Loki woke the next morning with a throb in his head, and sore in places he hadn't even realized were injured in the crash. Whole sections of his skin were blue and purple, but the swelling had quelled over the night. The doctors had looked him over one more time that morning, and released him with a bag of painkillers and instructions to take it easy for the next few days, seek help if headaches persist or worsen, etc. etc...But the real headache was yet to come: Dealing with the insurance company.

After leaving the hospital, they'd found a little diner at the center of town. He and Sigyn sat across from each other in the little red booth, awaiting the middle-aged waitress who called them both “hon” to return with coffee.

“So how are we getting home?” Loki asked, tapping a sugar packet against the table. He loathed to think of the state of the Jaguar at the moment.

“It's...taken care of,” Sigyn said, too quickly.

“Oh?” Loki paused his tapping. “And may I ask what our mode of transport will be?”

“Hey, lovebirds!” Darcy chirped as she burst through the diner door, Mantis in tow. “Rough night? You both look like shit.”

“And a lovely morning to you too, Darcy,” Loki replied, raising an eyebrow at Sigyn.

“I texted her this morning,” Sigyn explained under her breath, a look of vague guilt on her face. “And I...sort of told her we'd treat her to breakfast if she came and got us.” Darcy and Mantis nodded eagerly.

“Ah, spending the better part of an hour and a half in a car, using up precious gas money just so you can not have to pay for one meal...makes perfect sense,” Loki mused.

“We're grad students, never underestimate the allure of free food.” Darcy slid into the booth next to Sigyn while Mantis took the free space beside Loki. She grabbed two menus from the table stand. “What's good here? Milkshakes?”

Loki pursed his lips at Sigyn. “What was that about seeking medical attention immediately?”

“...if your headache worsens?”

“Precisely.”

“You shoulda stayed home with us,” Darcy went on. “We hung out in our pajamas, watched Chopped...drank wine, ate brownies...didn't hit any deer...”

The waitress returned with more coffee. “Two more cups for you girls?”

“Hell yeah, fill us up!” said Darcy.

When the waitress brought out the additional coffees, Mantis lifted her mug, inhaled deeply with a satisfied smile, but did not actually drink. A few seconds later, she did it again, breathing in the coffee, but not sipping it. “Very good,” she said.

Loki watched from the corner of his eye. “Should you not drink it before forming an opinion?”

“The taste ruins it,” said Mantis. “I only enjoy the smell.”

“At least she's huffing her own coffee. At home it gets weird,” said Darcy.

“I haven't sampled your coffee in months!” Mantis protested. “I only smell the grounds now!”

“...while I'm still filling the coffee pot.”

“They are best when they are fresh.”

Loki turned to Sigyn. “Are they always like this?”

“Worse.”

“It's your fault, you know,” Darcy pointed a spoon at Loki. “You stole our peacekeeper.”

Several more coffees, two milkshakes, several slices of toast, eggs, pancakes, french toast and plenty of maple syrup later, they wrapped up at the diner. Overall, the final bill wasn't even a quarter of what Loki had planned to spend at Valhalla the night before, and so he couldn't really complain about upholding his end of the offer. Now Darcy upheld hers as they all piled into the WV Beetle, Loki's knees practically up to his chest in the tiny backseat.

“Haven't you got work today?” Loki asked Sigyn. “We've not made you late?”

“As sore as I am, I doubt I'd be of much use,” Sigyn replied. “Can't really carry shelve books when my shoulders are so stiff. My boss is understanding.”

“Mmm, mine less so,” Loki remarked. “I suppose today will be a day of recovery.”

“I hope you'll take things as easy as possible until you're better,” said Sigyn. “I'd hate for you to miss on our ski retreat because you pushed too much.”

“Perhaps you can recover with me, then,” Loki said with a sly wink. “Otherwise I may be tempted to push myself without you to stop me.”

“I promise you if I see you pushing I will push back.” Sigyn squeezed his hand.

“Is that supposed to quell me?” Loki chuckled. “I happen to enjoy your push back, my sweet.”

“Oh my god,” Darcy groaned from the driver's seat. “I swear if you two don't stop being so cutesy I will take you right back to the hospital.”

Several phone calls to his insurance agent and at least two headaches that had nothing to do with his head injuries later, Loki finally sorted out the collision and coverage. The Jaguar wasn't totaled, but would require extensive repairs to the front end. His rental, a boring little Honda Civic, would have to do. Reluctantly, he had to admit the Civic handled sharp turns, and proved much more responsive than the Jaguar. Even the stereo and GPS worked better when paired with his phone. Still, it looked to plain in the Laufey and Associates parking lot, flanked by Laufey's Maybach and Byleistr's Porshe. He needed the Jaguar back. And so the first day he had available, he drove over to Car-Lord Auto Body and Repair the service station where the Jaguar had been taken for repairs.

He pulled up to the service station, finding parking on the outskirts of the tiny lot. Uptown Girl blared from the garage as he approached the customer service area. The front desk was empty, save for a bell to ring for service. From the open garage door, he heard the hum of engines over the radio.

“_And when she's walkin' she's lookin' so fi-yi-yi-yiine!” _one mechanic in the service area sang along, using a wrench as pretend microphone. “_And when she's talkin' she'll say that she's mi-yi-yi-yine!” _

Loki rang the bell at the desk, picturing Sigyn beside him cringing in mortification. The off-key singing stopped. The mechanic strode up to the service desk.

“Hey,” said the mechanic. “I'm Peter Quill, chief mechanic...but most people call me Car Lord.”

“I am not going to call you Car Lord.”

“Alright, fine,” said Quill, visibly disappointed. “Anyway, what can I do for ya?”

“I am here about the Jaguar that was brought here the other night...” said Loki. “Probably brought over on Valentine's Day or shortly after.”

Quill whistled. “Oh man, that Jag took a beating,” Quill wiped grease from his hands with a cleansing wipe. A powerful citrus scent filled the air. “You hit a pole? Tree?”

“Run in with a deer,” Loki groused. “I assume you've got a repair estimate?”

“Yeah, so here's the thing,” Quill looked over the estimate costs, scratching his head. “That deer did a number on the front end, lotta frame damage and dings along the exterior. See, the things about newer models these days is they're gonna crumple on impact, instead, ya know, being a steel death trap like they used to be.”

“And?”

“Well, the problem is we gotta order some new parts to fix it,” Quill went on. “Jags aren't exactly common models around here...it could take a little while to get what we need. Gotta special order them from a dealership or the manufacturer in Europe.”

“And how long is a 'little while'?”

Quill shrugged. “Dunno. Two, three weeks, maybe? Lotta demand for the luxury brands. Great to drive but when ya need 'em fixed...nothin' but a headache.” He signed a few pages on the estimate before handing it over to Loki. “Good luck with the insurance, dude. We'll be in touch when it's fixed.”

As Quill disappeared back into the garage, singing along to the next song. _“Anything you want, you got it... baaaaaaby!” _his voice reverberated through the half-opened door.

Loki perused the itemized list, clenching his jaw at the list of damages and expenses. Between his own lingering injuries, his increased case load, and right on the precipice of what may be a major promotion, the added wrench of fighting this out with the insurance company hit at him like a final straw. Tears stung at his eyes, and it took some effort to blink them back. Instead of letting them fall, he clutched the estimate and took his leave, one step after the next, as it would be until it was all over.

*****

Sif took her usual spot at the counter at Valkyrie's, the dive bar where she and her friends met up each Friday after their various jobs wrapped up for the week. The bar's neon Pegasus sign flashed in bright, ever-changing colors along with the 80's pop that blared from the speakers. On a warm night, the front doors would be propped open with chalk signed that announced various specials, but in the cold mid-winter they remained firmly shut save for when the regulars drifted in. Beside her, Hogun nodded briefly.

“Good to see you, Sif.” Valkyrie, bartender and eponymous owner of the bar, came over to Sif's spot. “Wanna try our new stout? This one's a bittersweet coffee brew.”

“Much as it pains me,” Sif replied. “I must decline.”

“Driving tonight?” Valkyrie asked, readily offering iced tea.

“It's my turn this week,” said Sif. “Herding the warriors.”

“Do me a favor, keep an eye on him,” Valkyrie pointed to the far end of the bar, where Fandral was currently wooing a table of ladies having a girls' night.

“Well, I've got those two-” Sif gestured at Fandral and Hogun- “Under control at the moment. Now for the other two...”

“And here we are!” Thor announced, bursting through the doors with Volstagg, holding a box of Sutur's takeout under one arm. “And we are here with a challenge daunting enough to rattle even the bravest of men!”

The Valkyrie was a small dive bar and did not serve food, beyond the little bowls of pretzels that dotted the counter. But Valkyrie found that she and the Sutur's Pizza and Wings next door shared a lot of customers who dropped in and out of both places throughout the course of an evening, and so she permitted takeout from Sutur's at the bar, such as the box carried now. It also kept patrons sober longer, yet still thirsty. Overall, great for business.

“Thor, you're not seriously going to do it?” Sif's eyes widened at the box.

“Indeed we are!” Volstagg chimed in. “Tonight Thor and I dine on wings as most haven't the courage to order!”

“I'm sorry,” said Valkyrie. “Since when are eating chicken wings a daunting challenge for anyone?”

“These are no mere chicken wings, my friends,” Thor proclaimed. “These are a test of mettle.”

“Muspel X spice rub,” said Volstagg. “Hottest wings in the city. Ghost peppers, carolina reapers, Scotch bonnets, ancho chilies, and just a hint of paprika ready to destroy us. Free breadsticks for a year at Sutur's if we finish the box. Valkyrie, get two pitchers of your cheapest draft ready.”

“Two pitchers of Bud Light coming right up.”

Thor and Volstagg exchanged glances. “Alright, a pitcher of your _second _cheapest draft.”

Valkyrie nodded. “That's what I thought.”

Thor popped open the box, revealing the dark red wings. “That which does not kill us will only makes us stronger.”

“Or obliterate your taste buds,” Sif shrugged.

“Too much capsaicin can kill you,” said Hogun over his Guinness. “In high doses, it is a deadly neurotoxin.”

“Yes, a threat of death, just what everyone wants to hear when sitting down to dinner.” Fandral rolled his eyes.

Valkyrie set the draft pitchers down between Thor and Volstagg. “Good luck.”

They each held a wing in their hands, counted to three, and nodded. No sooner did their lips make contact with the wing than they both instantly dropped, coughing. With much more concerted effort, they tried again, doubling over.

“Exquisite,” Volstagg managed, sniffling.

“There's a nice...smoky hint,” Thor squeaked, fighting back tears.

“Maybe...the rest...won't be so...painful?” Volstagg panted, though beads of sweat already dotted his forehead. “Free breadsticks...free breadsticks...”

They made it through two more wings before draining both pitchers of beer. Openly weeping, Thor and Volstagg emptied the napkin dispenser on their table, needing Fandral and his table of ladies to hand over theirs.

As they'd paused for a break, the door burst open again.

“Sup, bitches!” A trio of college-aged boys no one had ever seen before, all wearing identical dark blue polo shits and jackets with frat symbols emblazoned across the back. The leader, the one in the middle, threw his arms up, as though the entire bar had been waiting for them. “Where's the Bud-light?” Behind him, the others whooped.

“I'll need some ID's first,” said Valkyrie, a first line of defense against having to serve these the newcomers.

“_Ba-Bam_!” The leader slapped his driver's license against the counter. Other others followed suit. Valkyrie thoroughly inspected all three cards before reluctantly handing them back and preparing a pitcher.

The trio plopped themselves into the table next to Thor and Volstagg. All four regulars tried to resume enjoying themselves, but the raucous laughter and loud conversation from the newcomers dominated the entire bar. At one point, one snapped his fingers to get Valkyrie's attention for more beer. She paid him no heed. He snapped again. Still no response from Valkyrie, who focused instead on preparing another round of sours for Fandral and the ladies.

“This bitch deaf or what?” the leader scoffed. He jumped to his feet, stumbling back into Volstagg's chair and toppling his glass. Beer spilled all over the table, into the chicken wings despite Volstagg's attempt to save them, and onto the floor.

Thor grabbed the leader's shoulder. “Excuse me, but you've spilled my friend's drink.”

The leader snorted. “Sucks for him.”

“You owe him an apology, do you not?” Thor persisted, tightening his grip.

“And a replacement, perhaps?” Added Volstagg while Sif came over with more napkins to help clean up.

“Aw, relax, dude,” the leader scoffed. “It's beer.” With that, he grabbed a chicken wing from the box and bit into it with a smirk.

The smirk changed to horror as the Muspel X did its work. The leader screeched in pain, spitting out the wing onto the floor, amid barely suppressed laughter.

“Dude, what the fuck?” The leader cried when his voice came back. “Was that supposed to be funny?”

“It's not funny at all,” said Volstagg. “It's a chicken wing.”

Just then, a man in a pineapple printed shirt stepped in between Thor and the leader. “Hey man,” he said, placing a hand on the leader's shoulder. “My name's Korg, I'm kinda like, the bouncer here. I see you're getting a little worked up. So why don't we all calm down, relax, and enjoy the music, yeah?”

“Hey man,” said the leader, mockingly imitating Korg's accent. “Why don't you, like, get your hand off me, yeah?”

“Do not mock my friends!” Thor boomed, knocking Korg out of the way, looming over the leader.

The leader sneered. “Well, what are you gonna do about it, princess?”

The bar silenced. Sif, Hogun, Fandral and Volstagg dropped their heads in resignation. Korg attempted to get back in place between them to no avail. And Valkyrie, fed up with the whole scene, waited for what they all knew was to come.

Thor grinned.

*

In the very early morning hours, Loki's phone vibrated on the nightstand. His eyes popped open and he grimaced at the rude awakening. He glared at the phone but cast his hand over to pick it up, furrowing his brow at the unknown number. Though he was loathe to answer, years at with law firms taught him that no hour of the day was off-limits for business, and most of his contacts frowned upon not picking up.

Beside him, Sigyn groaned and burrowed further into the sheets. He patted her head as he brought the phone to his ear. “Loki Odinson.”

“...What?” Loki rubbed at his eyes as the caller, a police officer, spoke, piecing together the story: Thor, picked up on a drunk and disorderly charge. A bar fight. At the Zone 6 station. Loki was his emergency contact. Could he come pick him up?

Loki sighed heavily and hung up. No, this was not his problem. No, he did not owe Thor any favors. A night in jail might do him some good. No, he would not bail him out, he would go right back to bed.

He sunk back into the bed, annoyed. Thor hadn't spoken to him since the night of the play, yet of course he expected Loki to come to the rescue. And he'd probably insult him, too. If anything, Loki should go down there, tell Thor he wasn't going to help, and then leave. Never again would Thor call him, disrupt him, drag him down with his various crises. Never again would be demand Loki's help.

Never again.

Loki snarled, both in irritation with Thor and with himself for what he was about do to. He rose, threw on the clothes he'd discarded by bed, and picked up his wallet and keys.

Sigyn's eyes opened. “Everything okay?”

“Little family snafu,” Loki murmured. “Terribly sorry, love.”

“Need me to come, too?”

“No, no, you rest. I will try my best to return before you leave for work.” He kissed her forehead. “Otherwise I'll see you this evening.”

“Mmm-hmm...Hope it's all okay...” Sigyn curled back under the sheets. Loki couldn't resist placing one more kiss on her cheek before leaving her.

They'd gone to an indoor artist festival the night before, set up in an old, former Byzantine church that had since been turned into a community meeting space. Loki expected they'd peruse the various floors, perhaps Sigyn would find a few things to her liking, and be on their way. Little did he realize, Sigyn's idea of perusing the festival meant thoroughly investigating each and every booth, chatting with every artist, and listening to every musician who performed. Only when she'd scoured the offerings of every single booth would she then decide on what she would like to purchase. By the time the first night of the festival ended, they'd only covered the first floor of the market. Tonight they'd explore the rest. But first, Loki had to deal with Thor.

At the Zone 6 station, Loki spotted Thor sulking near the back of the lock-up area, his clothes muddied and torn.

“Started out as a spat at bar called Valkyrie's,” the officer explained, looking over the report. “Guess it escalated when they got outside. Him and some college kids. They ran off when our guys showed up.”

“Not interested in details,” Loki hand-waved away the officer's words. “Just bring him out.”

Mountain of paperwork completed, Thor came stumbling out of the lockup, still quite hungover and exhausted. “Loki!” he called. “What took so long?”

“You mean apart from the fact that I was sleeping? And had to drive across town to drag you out of this sorry state?” Loki snapped.

Thor blinked. “You were sleeping?”

“I frequently am at 3 in the morning these days,” Loki replied. “Filthy habit from the lawyers.”

“It's wasn't my fault!” Thor protested. “Those little punks insulted me!”

“Let's go.” Loki stormed out of the police station and back towards the parking lot, not caring if Thor was still behind him or not. Thor was, puzzled at the sight of the Civic.

“This isn't your car, brother! Did you steal it?”

“It is for now,” Loki unlocked the doors and opened the backseat. “Get in.”

“In the backseat? But I want up front.”

“Get. In. The. Car.”

“What's that?” Thor asked, poking at the bruised side of Loki's head. “How'd you get this?”

Loki smacked Thor's arm away, wincing in pain. “Immaterial.”

“Immaterial? Enough lawyer talk!” Thor laughed. “You fought, didn't you? Who was it?”

“None of your concern, brother.”

Thor clapped Loki's arm. “Yes! I knew you had it in you! We're not so different after all!”

“You and I are nothing alike,” Loki hissed, yanking the driver door open. “Now, I am getting in this car and I am driving away from this damned police station. Whether come with me or not.” He got in, slammed the door and started the engine. Behind him, Thor slumped into the backseat.

“Sif never makes me sit in the back,” Thor pouted.

“Speaking of which, where exactly is your merry band of sycophants?” Loki asked. _And why aren't they dealing with you?_

“Off..elsewhere...” Thor shrugged. “I got picked up when the little hooligans ran off...Thought they were so tough, I was happy to prove them wrong.”

“I see.” Loki continued driving. Over the speakers, a cheery pop song streamed through the car:

_When I start to sing the blues  
You pull out my dancing shoes  
I think you could be so good for me  
You get brave when I get shy  
Just another reason why  
I think you could be so good for me   
  
_“What the hell is this?” Thor asked.

“Nothing,” Loki snapped, pausing the song. In truth, it came from a playlist of Sigyn's he'd come across when she'd shared another playlist with him in the car. As it happened she'd inadvertently given him access to all of her carefully curated music. He hadn't intended to look before switching account back over, but one recent playlist of hers caught his eye, simply called _Loki <3. _

Curiosity piqued, he couldn't resist taking a listen to the songs she evidently associated with him. Mostly ebullient and bordering on twee, they weren't the kind of music Loki would usually listen to. Yet the idea that he evoked such feelings in her made him want to hear more. A little glimpse into how she saw him, so unlike the perception of anyone else.

But none of this he would explain to Thor. Instead, he flipped back to the radio, the local NPR station in the midst of weather, traffic, and new updates.

“Now this is just boring,” Thor sulked, restless in the back of the Civic. “Put something exciting on.”

“Your apartment is five minutes away, brother,” said Loki, patience tested. “And in case you've not noticed, I've got control over the radio.”

“Well I want to hear the game!” Thor demanded, reaching from the back seat, attempting to change the station. Loki swatted Thor's arm away from the radio dial. He elbowed at the space between the front seats, though his brother still tried to reach the radio, leaning forward as far as the back seat would allow.

Loki pulled over and slammed the breaks.

“Thor. Sit. Down. Now!”

Thor slunk back down into the backseat. He'd calmed, but a certain grayness to his face and frown on his mouth told Loki it wasn't because he'd suddenly decided to cooperate.

“No,” Loki pleaded. “No no no. I know that look. Stop right there.” He jumped out of the front seat, yanking the back door open. “Not in the car!”

Thor leaned out of the car and retched, just barely missing the seat. Loki jumped out of the way, silently fuming over his wasted morning attending to his oaf of a brother. _I should have stayed in bed. Why did I even bother to answer? _

Thor finished, sinking back into the seat. They drove along in silence, Loki only vaguely recalling the turns to Thor's apartment in the southern end of the city.

The news updates continued: _And in other news, the Bifrost bridge is closed indefinitely for repairs starting this spring..._

Thor laughed. “Indefinitely...that's how long Jane will be in Princeton for...”

Loki caught Thor's eye in the rear-view mirror. “Not that it's my business, nor do I particularly care, but at Christmas you said Jane was in Princeton for only a few months, yes?”

“It is now an indefinite amount of months. They like her very much at Princeton...and she likes them too.”

“Ah.” Loki had met Jane Foster exactly once, at an awkward, ill-advised family dinner. Years ago, after Thor had nearly run one of Odin's favorite luxury apartment complexes into the ground, he'd seized control of Thor's trust fund, evicted him from his own apartment, and fired him. Loki supposed the whole thing was supposed to teach Thor a lesson, but ultimately was too cruel, too late. But if Odin expected Thor to come crawling back, pleading for a second chance at Asgard Properties, he was in for a disappointment. Thor had found a job at a construction firm, and discovered he preferred working outdoors, with his hands, among his comrades far more than lording over a real estate empire. He'd met Jane working on one such project, just outside the coffee shop she frequented. Grudgingly, Loki had to admit Thor's temper quelled, his patience strengthened, his arrogance humbled, the longer he was with her and away from Odin. It hurt, to know Thor would listen to a random woman he'd just met, finally strive to be better for her, when Loki had been trying his whole life to get through to Thor to no avail. He supposed Jane's absence, combined with a lack of construction work for the winter, in some way fueled this new surge of rash behavior.

By now they'd reached Thor's building. Loki parked in a free spot next to Thor's beat up red pickup truck. Loki had only planned to deposit Thor in front of his building and be on his way. Yet something about the admission gave Loki pause. He pulled Thor out of the backseat. Thor groaned, grasping at his head as Loki followed him through the front entrance, into the lobby, up the elevator to the third floor of the building, and finally to the apartment at the end of the hall. Thor rifled his key out of his back pocket, and stumbled through the door. Loki steadied him, helping Thor onto the couch as the sun started to rise from the front window. Loki flicked on the light, but turned it off again when Thor groaned.

With Thor laying back on the couch, Loki rifled through the kitchenette, eventually finding a glass that didn't seem too dirtied and filled it with tap water. In the freezer, he took out an ice pack and wrapped it in a clean-enough dish towel. Onto the tiny bathroom, and a sink littered with beard trimmings, Loki picked through the medicine cabinet until he found a bottle of ibuprofin that wasn't expired, and brought it out.

As he set the glass and pills down on the coffee table, and handed Thor the ice pack. Thor stared up at the ceiling. “Tell me, brother, that...that old place where we used to get pumpkins in the fall? What was it called?”

“Now why would I remember that?”

“Well, you, you remember everything, don't you?” said Thor. “Of course you do. You're still mad over things that happened when you were...three...”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I'm leaving now brother. Sleep it off.” He stood, heading towards the door.

“Be kind to each other,” Thor murmured, closing his eyes.

“What?”

“You and your little defender,” Thor rambled. Loki grimaced, hoping Thor had forgotten about seeing Sigyn. The last thing Loki felt like dealing with was a million questions about her from Thor of all people.

“Be...be kind to each other...don't let...other things make you forget...” Thor sniffled. “Don't forget...don't forget what you mean to each other.”

Loki turned and gently clapped Thor's shoulder. “I am sorry about Jane, brother.”

“Where is your little defender?”

“I don't know what you are talking about.”

“The little defender,” Thor insisted. “The tiny woman who yelled at me that time outside Valkyrie's.”

Loki turned his back to Thor. He glanced at his phone. Sigyn was probably up and readying herself for work. If he left now, he'd be back in time to drop her off and spare her having to wait for the bus with its weekend schedule.

“...just don't do what I did,” Thor said softly, drifting off. “Don't...”

Loki sighed and Thor's snores began to fill the apartment. An exhaustion set over him, one coming from more than the lack of sleep, rather a weariness that left him empty and desperate to be anywhere else, particularly wherever Sigyn was at the moment. He opened the apartment door. As he'd said, he and Thor were not alike. 

Just before he left, he address the unconscious Thor over his shoulder.

“It was Freyr's Farm, at the fall festival, where we got the pumpkins.”


	13. Welcome to the Ski Resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sigyn head to the ski retreat, and Loki finally opens up about his past.

The Civic made its way up the long, winding mountainous road leading to Ironwood Mountain, the ski resort, a two hour drive from the city. The hotel, the various chalets, lodge, shops, ski lifts, and slopes came into view. Sigyn watched from the window as distant skiers zipped down the mountainside. Most crowded around the smaller slopes near the heart of the resort, and braver souls tackled the steep, complex trails on the far side of the mountain.

“Where do the beginners usually start?” she asked, rubbing her ears as they popped in the rising altitude.

Loki glanced over at her as the car neared the final hill to the resort. “Close to the rental area. The trails to your left have the lowest gradient, few obstacles and twists.”

Sigyn looked to her left, catching the lowest slopes. Even they seemed far more steep and daunting for her liking. “Those are bunny slopes?”

“The official term is green circle,” said Loki. “Also known as bunny slopes.”

Sigyn bit her lip, imaging careening down the slope with planks strapped on her feet. “Is there anything lower than that? Mouse slopes? Teal...triangle?”

“You don't _have_ to ski.” Loki patted her knee. “You may spend the whole weekend beside the fireplace with champagne if you wish. I'd be very envious.”

“No, I will try at least,” Sigyn replied. Despite her nerves, she'd never had a chance to ski before, and the prospect intrigued her. “Besides, champagne tastes sweeter and fireplaces are warmer when you're next to me.”

Loki smiled to himself, and Sigyn spotted a faint color to his cheeks. His head injury healed up, leaving only a faint red mark where the stitches had been removed, but little trace otherwise. Earlier that day, he'd cut his hair in preparation for the trip, and the big announcement. The longest ends now reached just above the base of his neck in the back, and the shorter length added a youthfulness that further enhanced his handsome features. Combined with his newfound eagerness for the trip, and Sigyn found a new, puppy-like side to him that proved infectious.

They'd reached the entrance of the spacious hotel at the heart of the resort, parking the Civic at the front curb. Loki got out, popping the trunk as two assistants came over to unpack the bags. The high altitude caught Sigyn's breath as she stepped out of the car, leaving her head light for a few moments.

“Sweetheart?” Loki hand was on her back in an instant. “Are you alright?”

Sigyn squeezed her eyes shut. A few deep breaths later, her head cleared. “I'm okay,” she replied, straightening.

Bags collected, they walked past the wide glass doors into the lobby. Sigyn paused at the entrance, gazing at the high, wooden walls and warm, golden lighting above the second floor balcony, were she spotted the bar. The hotel's design had the rustic, cozy log cabin style of a ski lodge combined with the elegance and luxuriant amenities that rivaled even the finest hotels in the city.

Her attention turned to the front desk, where Loki was checking in. Watching him interact with the staff, as though he knew them personally. As though he belonged here and the surroundings perfectly routine for him. Again she thought of how different their worlds were. She hung back, moving to one of the plush leather chairs near the center of the lobby, stretching out as the heat from the central fireplace warmed her legs. A nearby glass wall fountain bubbled quietly behind her, nearly drowned out by the other guests moving to and fro. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, pushing away the word _impostor_ that crept into her mind when she thought of her presence in this place.

The sound of Loki's voice pried her eyes open. “We're checked in, sweetheart,” he said, proffering his hand. “I think the bed will prove much more comfortable if you'd like to rest.”

As they moved through the lobby towards the elevators, an older, balding man with a tall, lean build strode down the steps from the second floor bar. “Loki,” he said. “You've made it.” He clapped Loki's shoulder. “Ready for the slopes, I trust?”

“Can't wait, Laufey,” Loki replied. His eyes and smile were cordial, yet there was a tightness to his features that belied his friendly words.

_He's nervous_ Sigyn thought, watching the small talk with the newcomer, Laufey. She noted Loki's deference, Laufey's confident enthusiasm. So this was the Laufey from which the law firm got its name. So this was the man Loki hoped to impress enough to make him partner.

She heard her name, and their eyes were on her. “And this is Sigyn. My guest.” Loki placed his arm around her, nudging her forward. Her throat went dry. If Loki needed to impress Laufey, surely she needed to make a good impression, too. Or at minimum not embarrass him and ruin his chances. And with a long weekend surrounded by Loki's colleagues, there would be far too many chances for things to go wrong.

But surely she could not mess up a simple introduction.

Laufey extended his hand. “Welcome, dear.”

She grinned and shook Laufey's hand. “It's nice to meet you.”

The instant their hands parted, Laufey's attention returned to Loki. “Well. I leave you to get settled. You'll be joining us for dinner at 7, I trust?”

They parted, Loki and Sigyn following the corridor to the elevators. “So, that was Laufey?” Sigyn asked once the man was out of earshot. “He seems...nice.”

“Absolutely ruthless in the courtroom,” said Loki. They'd boarded the elevator and the lift carried them to their floor. “Something of a legend. But he can be generous if you're on his side.”

“You admire him.”

“I respect his knowledge and experience. And I appreciate what I've learned under his guidance.” A vulnerable look flashed across his face, and Sigyn suspected the title of partner wasn't exactly what Loki craved, but the recognition and validation from an esteemed attorney like Laufey would provide.

The elevator opened at the third floor, opening to an expansive carpeted hallway, with dimly lit scones adorning the walls. They hauled their bags down the hall and around the corner until they reached their room.

Loki opened the door to reveal two king-sized beds, two desks, closets, more leather chairs, an electric fireplace, a flatscreen TV, and plenty more furnishings that dwarfed Sigyn's apartment. The curtains opened to reveal a balcony overlooking the slopes. On the bed closest to the door sat a gift basket filled with two bottles of wine poking out. Their remaining luggage awaited them in the corner by the door.

Sigyn surveyed the room, eyes wide. She could spend the entire weekend just in here, enjoying the view, the wine, and working at the desks. The quiet, the privacy, the solitude...

“Will this suffice?” asked Loki, drawing his arms around her waist.

“It's...perfect,” Sigyn replied, clasping her hands over his. “I can get so much work done while you're busy.”

“Not too much work, I hope,” said Loki. “Surely you plan to enjoy yourself a bit.”

“I always enjoy myself when you're with me,” Sigyn said, resting her head against his shoulder.

Loki ran a threaded his hands through her hair. “Oh we'll have plenty of time to enjoy each other,” he said. He released her. “But let's sort out these bags first.”

Sigyn set her suitcase on the bench in front of one of the beds. She'd started to unpack when the welcome basket caught her attention. She took a closer look at it, finding chocolates, nuts, coffee samples, tea, two mugs, wine glasses, maps, brochures, and gift certificates to the spa, restaurants, and stores around the resort.

“Is the spa here...nice?” Sigyn asked, studying the cards.

“Ah, I knew you'd find something to enjoy here,” Loki teased. “But I've no idea.”

“You haven't been there?”

“Strangers touching me?” Loki shook his head. “Hardly relaxing.”

“Then you won't mind if I make use of this?” Sigyn tucked the spa certificate into her purse.

“It's yours,” Loki said, rifling through his suitcase. He carefully arranged his clothing just so inside the closet nearby. “We still have a few hours before dinner, what would you like to do first?”

“Mmm,” Sigyn glanced over the brochures inside the welcome basket and its list of activities and shops. Skiing. Snow tubing. Bowling. Indoor Pool. A bookstore. Far more than they'd have time for over the long weekend. “Well, if we're going to be so busy over the next few days, why don't we get a little bit of rest first?”

Suitcase emptied, Loki wrapped an arm around her waist. “Ah, I like your thinking, darling.” He tilted her chin up and kissed her. “Now the question is, which of these massive beds will we use?”

Before Sigyn could choose, Loki's phone pinged. He grimaced at the message. “It seems Laufey is summoning all of the attorneys downstairs for a welcome happy hour. I suppose I'll have to forgo rest for now.”

“Is it required?” asked Sigyn. She knew he'd have plenty of obligations this weekend, but hoped they'd at least get some rest first.

“_Technically_ no,” Loki explained. “But in the name of the networking, team-building spirit this retreat is intended to foster...”

Sigyn nodded. “Should I come too?”

“No, no, just the employees for now,” said Loki. “I'll return for you when it's time to be ready for dinner.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Enjoy your cat nap, little kitten.”

A few minutes before 7, Loki knocked softly on the hotel room door. “Darling?”

Sigyn blinked her eyes open. She'd dozed off not long after Loki departed for the happy hour, the resort activity guide still in her hand. “Come in.”

The door creaked open. “Hey.” Loki entered, making his way over to the bed. “Is my little kitten well-rested?”

“Mmm,” Sigyn yawned, stretching her arms. Loki knelt beside the bed near her. “Very much so.”

“And is she ready to join me downstairs?”

“I think so.”

“And is she feeling _frisky_?”

Sigyn laughed. “Frisky? That just makes me think of cat food!”

Loki chuckled. “Then I suppose my little kitten must be fed.” He stood, offering his hand. “Shall we?”

The welcome dinner was hosted at the hotel restaurant, in a private room off toward the back of the dining area. The other guests milled about, cocktails in hand, chatting around the large table before the dinner began. In the corner, a private bartender offered drinks as the guests filed in. Sigyn followed Loki as the hostess showed them in. Loki instantly flipped into his “Attorney” role, all charismatic smile and firm handshakes, and appreciative laughs at stupid jokes. Here, the entire firm and their guests gathered together, and Sigyn couldn't quite tell who worked for Laufey and who a plus one, like her. Most of them all seemed to know each other, and were absorbed in catching up. She didn't spot anyone who looked as out of place as she felt.

One of the attorneys looked past Loki at her. “And who is this beautiful girl?”

“Sigyn,” she spoke up. “I'm with Loki.”

“Ah,” said the other attorney. “And how long has Loki been hiding you from us?”

The others laughed, Loki included, though the slight jaw clench told her he wasn't quite so amused. Rather than snap back, Loki placed his hand at the small of Sigyn's back, gently pushing her forward.

Loki and the attorneys resumed their conversation, something involving so much legal jargon that Sigyn could not follow. As her attention wandered, she spotted a lone woman, just a bit younger than she, standing in the corner. The other woman watched the other pockets of guests, as though uncertain if she should join one or stay put, fidgeting with her glass and occasionally poking at her phone. Almost as out of place as Sigyn standing on the outskirt of the attorney circle.

Sigyn stepped away and came over to the other woman. “Hi,” she said, smiling. “I'm Sigyn.”

The other woman looked up, startled. “Oh, hi. I'm Gerd.”

“Are you here with anyone?” Sigyn asked. “This is my first time here. Not sure who is who.”

“No, I'm an administrative assistant at the firm,” Gerd explained shyly. “This is my first time, too. I just started a few months ago. I take it you're with somebody?”

“Yes, I'm here with Loki,” Sigyn chirped, indicating the gaggle of attorneys. Loki glanced over his shoulder at her, watching for a moment.

“Oh, Loki's my favorite attorney,” Gerd smiled. “He's...not like the other ones.”

“Really? He's my favorite attorney too!” Sigyn laughed. “Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's never been here before. Everyone else seems so...”

“Sophisticated?” Gerd offered.

“Well yes,” Sigyn replied with a laugh. “This is kind of a surreal place, right?”

“Yeah, but it's not bad. I'm just not used to all this, a paid ski retreat,” Gerd took a sip of wine. “I just got out of retail not that long ago. They acted like they did us a favor by closing on Christmas.”

“So is this your first full time job?”

“I graduated from college last spring,” said Gerd. “Just took a while for something to pop up.”

“Oh, what did you study?”

“Art history,” said Gerd. “And a minor in creative writing, not exactly law firm material.”

“Well, what's wrong with that?” Sigyn smiled. “I love art galleries. Have you ever been to the National Gallery of Art? I could get lost in there for hours.”

“Oh yes, it was one of my dream jobs,” said Gerd, with a slight wistful sigh. “Tough to get into, though. So here I am.”

“Was a dream job?” Sigyn's heart broke a little to hear Gerd speak in the past tense. “Surely you haven't given up on art history entirely?”

“Well, it's not exactly in high demand, but I do miss it sometimes.”

“Perhaps you can still pursue your interests,” Sigyn suggested. “I think art is wonderful even if it employers don't.”

“You think so?”

Before Sigyn could reply, a hush fell over the room as Laufey entered. “Ah, so nice to see all your lovely faces,” he said, standing at the head of the table. “My team behind my success. We have made it another year. And this weekend I am delighted to reward your hard work with this retreat. And at the end of the fine weekend, I'll have some exciting news.” The guests clapped. “But enough of that, be seated and let's begin our festivities.”

The guests flocked to their seats, as though they intrinsically knew their place in the hierarchy. Sigyn caught Loki motioning for her to take the spot beside him, near where the other attorneys and their plus ones arrayed around Laufey at the head. She went over to her spot, motioning for Gerd to follow.

“Come sit with us!” Sigyn offered.

Gerd paused, surveying the quickly filling table. A red-haired woman pointedly stared at her, indicating a seat with the other admins at the firm as a warning.

“Gerd, honey,” an older woman, older even than Laufey, shuffled up to Sigyn's new friend. “Are you maybe a little confused where to sit?” she asked, smiling through clenched teeth. “I think Lorelei would like you to sit her with her, don't you think?”

Crestfallen, Gerd followed the older woman down to the other end of the table, taking the seat by Lorelei. “Good girl,” said the older woman, before returning to her own seat at the opposite side of the table. The exchange went unnoticed by all except for Sigyn, who busied themselves looking over the menu and refilling their drinks.

Sigyn turned her attention back to her dining companions, hyper-aware of how out-of-place she was compared to those around her. The sharp, dynamic, sophisticated attorneys and their equally elegant, charismatic partners, all familiar with one another almost like old friends, and Sigyn knew none of their names and was a good few years younger than most. A child at the grown-ups table. Further down the table, she noticed Gerd studying her plate while her companions made no effort to include her, even though they'd been so insistent she sit by them.

The servers flitted up and down the tables, harried with orders, refills, and replacing empty plates with full ones, while Laufey overlooked the retreat attendees like a king over his fiefdom. Mostly he watched the dinner unfold, but when he did speak, all eyes and ears were on him, and his words were met with adoration. Lost among the chatter, Sigyn mostly kept her eyes fixed on her plate. Only Loki affectionately squeezing her knee under the table from time to time. Then her eyes met his, a shared small smile, reminding her why she'd come here, and suddenly she wasn't so lost.

After dinner, which went on far later than Sigyn expected, they retired back to the hotel room. Sigyn changed into her sleep shirt and the knitted thigh-high socks Idunn had sent her for Christmas, then leaned back on the bed, half-watching some silly movie on the huge tv screen while the electric fireplace radiated heat through the room. Unused to cable, she muted the speaker whenever another interminable round of commercials began and gazed out the windows at the activity outside the hotel. Under the moonlit sky the skiers made their way back down the mountain. The chairlifts in the distance carried more people down the slopes than upwards. The lights from the heart of the resort glowed below them, people gathered in little pockets, laughing over drinks, or in search of warmth.

“This really is a lovely place,” Sigyn remarked, switching off the TV in favor of admiring the view. “I'm not such a fan of winter but this is like a wonderland of sorts.”

From the bathroom, a soft whir of Loki's electric toothbrush clicked off as he finished brushing.

“Terribly sorry about the awful conversation tonight,” he said from half-opened bathroom door. “Lawyers tend to be in their own little bubble.”

“It's alright. You should hear a group of library students get together,” said Sigyn, switching off the TV in favor of the view and Loki's voice. “There is one thing that did bother me, though.”

Loki met her eyes in the mirror. “What?”

“Why couldn't Gerd sit with us? There wasn't any assigned seating, right?”

“Not officially,” said Loki, splashing his face over his sink. “It's an unspoken rule of firm dinners that the attorneys join Laufey at the head of the table while the _office_ _support _sits further down, in order of position. For Gerd, a new hire no less, to sit with the attorneys, it would...unsettle the more stringent of my colleagues.”

“But isn't the point of the retreat to bond and boost morale and all that?” Sigyn asked. She slid to the edge of the bed, closer to the bathroom. “Letting people sit where they want would help.”

“Firm hierarchies are hard to dismantle,” said Loki. He'd finished washing his face and patted his skin with a towel. “No one wants to make waves, however small.”

“None of the other admin people even talked to her,” said Sigyn. “It just seemed unfair when I invited her to join us. I hope I didn't cause her any trouble.”

“It's alright, you didn't know. But Ylva is not someone to trifle with, whether one is about to be promoted or not.”

“Gerd only joined you all a few months ago,” Sigyn huffed. “Why not give her room to learn all the unwritten rules? Or better yet, write them down?”

“Ylva is Laufey's mother,” Loki explained. “She needs not concern herself with other's opinions, or feelings, or personal boundaries.” He sighed, flicking off the bathroom light. “But if all goes to plan she will concern me no longer.”

He lifted the covers on the bed, sliding in across from Sigyn. He picked up his tablet and perused a few of his many open tabs. On any other bed, they'd be right beside each other. But on this king bed, he was so far away from her that he might as have been in a different room.

Preoccupied with the vast expanse between them, Sigyn stretched out on her side of the bed, first pushing herself away from the edge, still finding plenty of room. Then, she extended her arms and legs, further and further as she lay back, still nowhere near Loki's side. Finally, she reached stretched all the way open, spreading her arms and legs until her toes and fingertips only just reached the center of the mattress.

Loki cast a sidelong glance at her. “What are you doing?”

“There's so much space,” Sigyn replied, arching her back. “It's so strange.”

Loki set his tablet aside on the night stand, rolling over to her. “Well if you wanted to close all this strange space between us, you only had to ask.”

Sigyn snuggled into his arms. “This is much better.”

“Good,” Loki nuzzled her forehead. “May I now ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did Gerd elaborate on what she meant when she told you I wasn't like the others?”

“Well, no,” Sigyn replied after a moment of reflection. “But after meeting your colleagues, I think I see what she means.”

Loki tilted his head. “What is that?”

“Those others...they seem so satisfied with themselves. Overly satisfied. Like they're so accustomed to having everything their way and fully expected. They're so used to Yes that they can't handle a No,” Sigyn mused. “But you, you're not satisfied. You never have been. You're searching for something. You need to hear a Yes.”

“I see.” Loki furrowed his brow, shifting his eyes to the window, lost in thought, eyes inscrutable. Sigyn worried her observations had upset him, and she leaned over to reassure him. When she reached her arm over his shoulder, he took her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. She rested her head against his shoulder blades.

“Will you be satisfied?” She asked softly. “After the promotion?”

After a long moment, Loki turned to her. “This was never about satisfaction.”

“Then what is it about?”

Loki took a breath. He regarded his beloved, with her open, comforting eyes. Her desire to know him, to understand him as no one else did. As no one else ever wanted to. She'd listened to him, about his family, did not turn away when he told her about the reality of his profession. Did not pry him to reveal more than he was ready to tell. And she'd been by his side, even accompanying him on the cusp of one of his greatest accomplishments. He'd never told anyone about New York before, the truth. He'd held it inside him for years, certain no one would care enough to ask. But she had.

“Sigyn,” he began. “Do you remember when I told you succeeding in my line of work meant being comfortable being the bad guy?”

She nodded.

“It's something we always tell ourselves, that we have to do it, that there are multiple versions of the truth, that we're on the right side.” He closed his eyes. “But I have always known it's a pack of lies so we can sleep at night. As I discovered in New York.”

His words evaded him. This first time he'd ever told another living soul about his worst moments, and right on the precipice, his nerve wavered.

“Loki?” She caressed his back, supporting him, letting him know she was with him, and memories were far away.

“When I first came to New York, for college, I could not wait to escape my family,” Loki continued. “I wanted nothing more than to get away, cast off their shadows. Go someplace where Odinson was just another surname. I wanted people to think of me when they heard my name, not my father. New York seemed like just the city, where I could make a name for myself, do what I wanted, not shackled by a legacy I never asked for.

“And for a while, it was,” Loki went on, smiling sadly at the happier memories of those early years. “I excelled at Columbia. For the first time I was starting to befriend people, and people seemed to like me and did not regard me as a nuisance, although I suppose some part of me couldn't help but question it. Old habits and all.”

“Oh Loki...”

“It's alright. I suppose that's where I found my drive. I needed to prove that I belonged there. That it was no accident or fluke that I had a place among them. Even the graduate school rigors did not phase me. It was just another chance to show I'd earned my accolades. And it worked. I was hired as a junior associate with a prestigious firm right after graduating. The Chitauri Firm.”

Here the pleasant memories vanished. Here his nerve wavered again. And here Sigyn stroked his back again, reminding him she was still there.

“For awhile I loved it,” Loki admitted. “But two years after I came on board, a notorious crime lord was busted by the NYPD, along with a number of his associates. The stories of the horrors they committed were something of legend in a justice community. Murder, torture, trafficking, abuse...I don't believe there was a single crime out there he hasn't committed. His arrest made headlines. Evidence from the DA poured in. And so when Thanos hired our firm as his defense counsel, my superiors were delighted to take on such a huge case.”

“Thanos?” Sigyn had heard the name before, years ago, mostly in brief news clips and sound bites. She knew few details of his crimes, other than that he was brutal, torturing and killing many people. When the headlines faded, so did her memory of the name. Life went on.

“Yes,” said Loki, with a trembling sigh. “The Black Order trial. My particular role was to research the prosecution's planned witnesses, the victims, their families...try to find something to use to discredit each one of them. Cast doubt in the minds of a jury, make their testimony falter. And yet...as I did my research, something changed in me. I couldn't do it. Their stories, the evidence, everything he did them...I couldn't stomach being the reason they were further harmed by him on the stand. The more I found, I knew Thanos could not go free. And I couldn't be the reason he did. I couldn't be the villain I needed to be to do what they'd asked of me.”

“So what did you do?”

“I threw the case, my part of it, anyway,” Loki admitted. “I can't explain how, precisely, but essentially I cast an illusion of sorts, appearing to give the senior counsel what they needed, but I knew it wouldn't work. But the trial-” Loki shook his head. “Sitting there, with the fellow defense team, clearly aligned with Thanos, I could barely last one day, much less the entire trial. I still don't know how I managed to get through it.”

“But he was convicted. You didn't let him go free. I remember hearing about it.”

Loki gave a rueful chuckle. “His conviction was the start of my hell.”

“What happened?”

“After the jury read their verdict, guilty on all charges, life in prison, Thanos was not pleased,” Loki explained. “And though no one ever discovered that I was the traitor in their midst, somehow he _knew_.

The look on my face, my demeanor...something tipped him off that I was never on his side. He didn't out me, but the way he looked at me...the threat was clear. And if it wasn't the words he whispered in my ear as he was lead away in handcuffs certainly were.”

“What did he say?”

“7_5 Myrtle Ridge Plaza, Apartment 26”_

“What's that?”

“My address at the time.”

Sigyn's hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my god...”

Loki shook his head. “The letters came in not long after. Threats, sometimes with photos of my building, the trains I took, the places I frequented after work...friends of mine. Thanos had many more associates, the bust surely did not catch them all, we knew that. But I never told anyone, not even law enforcement, what was happening. I couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't help, that it was my fault for defending him. And I suppose I believed it, too.”

“But you didn't deserve it, Loki. Surely the police would know that.”

Loki shook his head. “The relationship between police officers and attorneys is a complicated one. No one is without their biases, not even those tasked with upholding the law. I had no reason to believe they'd be of any help, no matter what the evidence.”

“Eventually, the letters turned to phone calls, to my personal phone,” Loki went on. “First just breathing. Then the facts. About me. Where I'd gone that day. What I was doing at the moment. Names of people I knew...facts from my childhood...for all my diligence, I never knew who was watching, nor how they found me.” He shuddered. “In time I was so terrified I stopped leaving my apartment. I stopped going to work, shut out all those friends I'd made. I shut my phone off, closed my blinds, kept the door locked, yet I knew I wasn't safe even then.

“Things reached a breaking point one afternoon, my fourth day of isolation. I was afraid to eat, in case my food was tainted, afraid to sleep, afraid to bathe...just sat on my couch, lights off, obsessing over the slightest potential threat. Then I heard footsteps in front of my door, followed by a soft rustling, then silence. I did everything in my power not to scream, but retreated into my bedroom with a knife, and waited.”

Loki's heart raced at the memory, bringing back those horrid hours when he was certain his life would end at the hand of Thanos' cronies. “Hours passed, nothing happened. But something in me snapped. Maybe it was exhaustion, the fear, maybe on some level I felt I deserved what was happening. But in that moment, I felt certain death was imminent, and I could not stop it. But I did not want to die by Thanos' hand. And so...the only solution was...was to die by my own.”

“Oh, Loki...you mean you...”

“Yes,” Loki admitted. “This, cold, almost robotic sensation overtook me. As though I were watching myself do it. I found a bottle of pills, and I took them all, down to the very last. And waited for the pain to end.” His strength left, and he choked out a soft sob. He collapsed into Sigyn's arms.

“It's okay, Loki” Sigyn said softly. “You don't have to finish if you're not ready.”

Loki buried his face in her hair for a long while, letting the tears come. The fear, the paranoia, the isolation, flooded back, pushing up from that secret space within where he'd locked them away. With the box now open, there was no more holding them back. Yet with each broken cry, something in him lightened, a burden lifted. The long-dormant pain released in a torrent of tears, leaving him raw and vulnerable.

Through it all, Sigyn held him. “It's alright, it's alright,” she soothed, her hands steady and firm as he trembled. She sniffled, and a drop of wet fell onto Loki's head. She'd been crying, too. She pressed her lips against his forehead. “I'm here.”

When the tears subsided, Loki rested against Sigyn, burrowing further into her. Exposed, raw, and tender as he was, the shame he'd feared never emerged. He did not regret letting her see him like this. Even in his current state, she received him, cared for him, made him feel safe. And for that, he found his voice.

“What happened after is something of a blur. I only recall waking up in the hospital with mother watching over me. But I'm told I was found when some electricians came in to do some maintenance on our building the next morning.” He gave a bitter laugh. “The noise I'd heard was just the property manager posting the notices on our doors that they were coming.”

“Thank god they found you,” Sigyn murmured, stroking his hair.

“Mmm. I hadn't changed my emergency contacts, and so the hospital called my mother. Thor came, too. Packed up my belongings while Mother stayed with me. The oaf wound up breaking a few things, never did respect my possessions. They dragged me home as soon as I was released.

“At least you were safe,” Sigyn remarked. “And you got some help?”

Loki shook his head. “I was confined to my old room, on suicide watch per the doctor's instructions. But no one ever asked why I did it, or what I'd been through. I'll never forget the look on Odin's face when I came through the door. The disappointment, the disgust. He never said a word, just turned away.

“Mother just wanted to bury away the whole thing,” Loki went on. “And when I tried to talk about it, she seemed to think I was ultimately to blame for it all. For disturbing the family. And Thor, well, he'd written me off the moment he'd heard I was defending Thanos. As far as he was concerned, it meant I was just as bad as he.”

“They didn't believe you?”

“They never asked to begin with,” Loki shrugged. “And I suspect they wouldn't understand if they had. They'd already decided I'd turned into nothing but a trouble-maker, gleefully defending a mass murderer for fun and profit, and I'd tried to take my life as a bid for attention. Nothing I had to say would sway them. So I've just let them think that. At any rate, the calls, the letters, everything stopped after I left New York.”

“You don't want them to know.”

“Know that I was weak? Scared? That I'd failed? That my desperate bid to get away only invited misery? I imagine my father's reaction were I to admit such a thing. I need him to believe what he wishes than confirm I'm even weaker than he always thought.”

“Hey,” said Sigyn. “That was not weakness in New York. That was you being strong for as long as you could on your own. You were scared for your life, Loki.”

“That's kind of you, Sigyn,” Loki replied ruefully. “But I am not telling you this because I want your pity. I only want you to understand why I need to make partner. It's taken years of striving to regain my confidence and restore my dignity. I need to know it wasn't all in vain. That I haven't failed.”

“Loki...” Sigyn's voice soothed Loki as he shuddered away the lingering memories, the haunted spectre of Thanos that still clung to the air around him. He rocked himself back and forth in her arms, breathing deep, until her sweet embrace was the only thing that was real. Him. Her. And the hotel high on the mountain. “

For tonight, it was all that mattered.


	14. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn has her first ski lesson, and she and Loki both learn a few more things about each other.

Sigyn's eyes opened the next morning just before the light rose over the mountain after a night of fitful sleep. Between the unfamiliar bed, the whole new world of the resort, and her worries for Loki, rest came in spurts with vivid, strange dreams, and checking on Loki's sleeping form, just to be certain she still had him.

And there he was, curled up around her, his head on her shoulder, one arm over her torso and the other tucked under his chin. Faint tear tracks stained the delicate skin under his eyes, and he looked pale and fragile in the early light. Usually up and about well before Sigyn woke, seeing him sound asleep was a rare sight indeed. And a welcome one.

She thought back to his words the night before, all he'd told her. She ached to know he'd been through so much, that he'd suffered alone...nearly died by his own hand. It was a miracle that he was here, with her. She traced little circles along his back, smiling as she listening to the sound of his breathing, timed with the rise and fall of his chest.

He shifted beneath her, eyelids fluttering. “Morning already?” he murmured into her skin.

“It is,” Sigyn replied. “Though what is the point of a retreat if you can't sleep in a little?”

“Ah, but the point of this retreat is appeasing Laufey,” Loki wiped at his face. “And he likes his people up and ready first thing.”

“How are you feeling?” Sigyn smoothed the errant strands of hair from his forehead. “You went through a lot last night, telling me your past. Are you okay now?”

Loki stretched, his long form extending the length of the bed. “Better, actually. Much. I suppose I needed to talk about it. With someone who wished to listen.” He clasped the back of her head and kissed her.

“I'm glad you told me.” Sigyn looked Loki over, finding a lightness in his eyes, a softness he kept so hidden from others. Indeed, she saw him, now, in a way she hadn't before. Understood him in a deeper way than she had before. She caressed his cheek, so grateful that she'd met him, that they'd crossed paths. That he came into her life.

“The past is in the past,” Loki said, his hand over hers. “Today is for skiing.”

Sigyn's nerves twinged at the reminder. Her first time skiing. Her eyes drifted over to the view of the mountain from the window. In the early morning, the first few intrepid skiers made their way up the chairlift. She'd be joining them soon.

Sensing her trepidation, Loki chuckled softly. “I'll be right beside you, sweetheart. I won't let you get hurt.” He straightened, smoothing the sheets. “But first, breakfast and some business matters this morning. Shall we get down there before the coffee vanishes?”

The hotel served a small continental breakfast buffet until 11 each morning in the seating area across from the second floor bar. As Sigyn selected an orange and a blueberry muffin to go along with her coffee, she noticed very few of the other guests from the firm dinner. As the morning drew on, more guests from the hotel filed in, creating more lines for the offerings. Sigyn joined Loki at the table by the window, amused at his collection of pastries, evidence of his sweet tooth on display.

After breakfast, Loki departed for his round of meetings with Laufey and the other attorneys, leaving Sigyn back in the hotel room to work on her class assignments. Tired of searching for a strong WiFi signal in the room, Sigyn packed up her laptop and supplies and headed back down to the common area by the lobby. She found the big leather chair by the fireplace unoccupied, and settled in, placing her laptop on the end table in front of her, and plugged in her ear buds. She pulled up the recording of her missed class lecture, listening to her professor's tinny voice while she took notes.

Once her attention began to drift and her legs stiffened, she paused the lecture and stood, stretching out as she walked over to the big bay windows along the far end of the common area. In the distance, the mountains and ski trails loomed over the hotel and resort shops. The ski lifts towed skiers up and down the slopes, and even more skiers zipped down the slopes. It wouldn't be long before it was her turn, and the thought made her jittery, but not fearful. Not unlike the way her nerves buzzed just before she gave a class presentation, or when she went on job interviews. At least skiing promised some fun.

After she helped herself to some of the complementary lemon tea from the refreshment counter in the lobby, she finished the lecture and queued up her studying playlist, a collection of soft instrumentals. She moved on to working on some of her assignments for other classes, her part of the Information Ethics group project, and a few emails for the ALA chapter. Other guests from the hotel milled about in the spacious seating area, but mostly she had the spot by the fireplace to herself. From time to time she spied the mountain view from the window, little flurries in the sky adding to the copious snow on the slopes.

Eventually, Loki, along with his fellow attorneys, emerged from the hall where the conference spaces were housed. Sigyn waved him down, and he nodded a quick goodbye to his companions and came to join her and her big leather chair.

“Oof, I thought that would never end,” he confessed, pecking her cheek. “And how was your morning?”

“Productive!” Sigyn replied. “But I could really use a break.”

“Well, you are in luck,” Loki grinned. “It is almost noon, so I'd say we find lunch, and then your ski lesson will begin.”

After the cozy warmth of the hotel nook, the first breath of cold mountain air startled Sigyn's system as it filled her lungs. It wasn't painful, or unpleasant, but rather invigorating. A blast of chill that kick-started her adrenaline and woke her up. Prepared her for a whole new lesson.

“How did skiing start, I wonder? I mean, what possessed that first person to strap planks to their feet and slide down a hill very fast?” Sigyn mused as the ski lift ushered them up the hill to the smallest of the bunny slopes. She idly swung her legs in the air, still adjusting to the strange boots on her feet from the rental shop and cumbersome gear in her arms. In the distance, between the tree lines, the hardest slopes loomed, with only a few intrepid skiers brave enough to tackle the unforgiving terrain. Sigyn guessed that was probably where Laufey was at the moment. She hoped Loki wasn't losing out on anything by sticking to the novice area with her.

“Probably had it's humble origin as a way for people to get down a snow-covered mountain very quickly. Very practical,” said Loki, geared up and ready for the mountain. He looked so strange, in goggles that shielded most of his face. She could not see his eyes at all, only her own reflection staring back at her. Head to toe in a snow jacket and pants, a tight-fitting cap over his head that left only the ends of his dark hair poking out. Yet the mere fact that such bulky, heavy garments adorned _his_ body elevated them, conferring an elegance and stateliness upon them that no one else at the resort could emulate.

“And then I suppose one early human said to another '_I bet I can get to the bottom of this mountain faster than you can_.' And the second human said '_No, I can get there faster._' Then the first said '_Wanna bet?_' And so they raced. Of course, then they needed to prove themselves with even bigger obstacles,” Sigyn added. The ski lift neared the top of their slope, and her stomach flipped at the thought of reaching the top, and then journeying to the bottom on her own.

“And the next thing you know, we have this,” Loki waved his hand across the expanse of the resort as the lift came to a stop. Loki hopped off the lift first, then helped Sigyn down. So here it was, the first slope.

“This is the bunny...green circle?” From their vantage point, even this simple trail looked steep, imposing, and impossible brave with just her skis and poles.

“Easiest trail on the mountain,” said Loki. “Very novice-friendly. But you may not like the name.”

“Why? What's it called?”

Loki chuckled. “The Nursery trail.”

“It is not called the Nursery trail!” Sigyn protested, though Loki pointed to the trail map posted near the lift, confirming the name. Sigyn bit her lip. “Well, as good a place to start as any I suppose.”

Loki went over the basics: posture, stance, the poles, balancing on the skis, turns, slowing, stopping. Sigyn adapted to his words, allowed him to adjust her arms, her legs, her grip here and there, until it was time for the moment of truth, the push down the slope.

Sigyn looked down the trail. “Here we go.”

He tugged one of Sigyn's braids. “You've got this.”

It was time. Either push forward, down the the trail, or stay back, down the chairlift. Right on the precipice, with Loki beside her. Take the leap, or turn back. At the crest of the trail, a part of her nerve faltered, and for a moment turning back seemed the safest option. Only when she saw Loki's encouraging grin, followed by a comforting pat on her shoulder, did she recover from the doubt, ready to take the leap. The final push.

She positioned her skis, steadied herself with her poles, took a breath, and pushed.

She went down, biting back a yelp at the strange feeling of sliding over snow. The fear of the downward trajectory, so much out of her control. Loki's tips and advice flashed through her mind: Posture. Stance. Positions, all too much to hold in her mind as the she went down.

Her left ski turned slightly toward the right, and she pulled it back, only to find herself pointed in the wrong direction. She over-corrected with her right ski, trying to get back on course.

Then she went down, a mess of ski, poles, arms and legs.

Loki was beside her in an instant. “Are you alright?”

The snow, dense but soft, cushioned her, protecting her from injury. She sat up. “Just my pride, mostly.” A group of adolescent boys whizzed right past them.

Loki extended his hand, helping her up from her tangle of skis, poles, and limbs. “Remember, lean forward on the skis, you'll get more control.”

She tried again, adjusting her stance and leaning forward, unused to the strange sensation of tilting so far over her feet. This time, she pushed far more gently. She had more control over the skis, a slower speed, which seemed perfect.

Until she came to a complete stop. Not even a fourth of the way down.

Higher up on the trail, Loki watched. “Getting better,” he called. “Just a little more force, darling.”

Sigyn nodded, got into position, and gave another push. The slope took over, sending her sliding down. Her peripheral vision turned to a blur of green and white as she steadied her self against the wind whipping at her face and gasped for air. Her heart raced. She bit back a yelp as she picked up speed over the sharper drop along the treeline, just barely balancing on her skis.

At last, the skis slid to a halt once she regained control at the end of the slope, slowing down on the even ground. Breathless, she slid to the side, out of the path of other skiers. Clutching her poles for dear life, heart racing, adrenaline shooting all through her body even though she'd stopped. The entire trail. She'd done it. All the way down.

It was terrifying.

It was exhilarating.

It was too much to handle.

And she could not wait to do it again.

Seconds later, Loki slid glided down the slope, elegantly slowing and coming to a smooth stop when he reached her.

“You made it,” Sigyn said between pants. Her arms shook in spite of her tight grip on the poles.

“How was that?” Loki asked. “I see you remained upright all the way down.”

“Phew...” Sigyn gasped. “I made it. How'd I do?”

“I believe a snail passed you by,” Loki teased. “But come, you know the slope now, so the next rounds should be much smoother. And more fun.”

As the hours passed on the mountain, Sigyn completed two more full runs without faltering or falling. Each attempt polished her technique, sharpened her coordination, and grew her familiarity with the trail, yet she still wiped out a few times, covering her with more and more snow. Each time, Loki was not far, ensuring she got back on her feet. But she wanted to end on a high note, gliding from the top to the end without stalling or falling. By the time the sun vanished over the mountain, she'd done it.

“Much better, my darling,” said Loki when he joined her at the bottom of the slope. “Perhaps we will make a chionophile out of you yet.”

“Chio-what?”

“A person who is very fond of snow.”

“Perhaps not that far,” said Sigyn, catching her breath. “But the less I tumble, the more I'm enjoying it.” Overhead, large lights switched on all throughout the mountains, illuminating the slopes for the twilight skiers.

“It's growing late,” said Loki. “Shall we call it a day?”

Sigyn hadn't realized how long they'd been out on the mountain. The afternoon passed so quickly, and only now was she aware of the rumble in her stomach and the ache in her feet and legs.

“I could do with a rest,” Sigyn admitted, shuffling along the snow. “But this was fun, if a little nerve-wracking.”

Loki took her hand. Their bulky gloves made it difficult to interlock their fingers, but they stayed connected anyway. “Ah, but now we'll get to the best part of skiing.”

Sigyn tilted her head. “Which is?”

Loki winked. “_Apres-ski._ Warming each other up afterwards.”

After returning Sigyn's rental gear, they stopped at a casual Irish pub-style restaurant close to the rental shop for dinner. After the long hours in the bright white snow, her vision took a while to adjust to the dim lights of the tavern. She blinked away strange splotches of color until her eyes cleared. Her stomach rumbled as they climbed into a booth, and Sigyn desired nearly everything on the menu.

“You're very pink,” Loki remarked. He'd given the menu a very quick glance and set it aside. Evidently he'd been here a few times over the years.

Sigyn, still mulling over her options, glanced up. “Pink?”

“Your cheeks,” Loki replied. “Your nose, your freckles, all pink.”

“You're looking a bit rosy yourself,” Sigyn giggled. Despite their precautions, the snow and wind left their marks on their exposed skin. “Now, this _apres-ski _stuff, what does it involve?”

“Typically it refers to engaging in social activity after a long day of skiing, with alcohol of some variety involved more often than not,” Loki explained. “Although I had something more...private in mind for us.”

“Sounds promising,” said Sigyn, perusing the drink list. “Are there any kinds of drinks you're supposed to have after?”

“There are many options,” Loki leaned over and looked over the list. “But anything warm is what you're after. That hot liquid after being in the cold all day? Perfection.”

The server soon came over to greet them. In the end, Sigyn selected a hot toddy. She'd never tried one before, but the picture and description looked appealing.

When the server returned with her hot toddy and Loki's Irish coffee, they clinked the warm glasses and drank. As promised, the heat of whiskey honey and lemon chased away the chill from the snow. She slowed her sipping, already feeling the heady effects of the cocktail.

“Easy to indulge too much, too soon, is it not,” said Loki, between sips of the Irish coffee. He swirled the frothy cream around his glass.

“Mmm, but who cares? The day is over and you said it was time to get warm,” Sigyn said, tapping the cinnamon stick garnish against her own glass.

“Ah, that I did,” said Loki. “Well, indulge away, my sweet.”

The server returned a few minutes later, setting down Sigyn's fish and chips and Loki's shepherd's pie.

Sigyn took a packet of mayo from the little condiment stand on their table and emptied on top of her pool of ketchup, blending the two together with a small chip.

Loki's amused chuckle distracted her from her work.

“What?”

“I've not seen you do that before,” Loki replied, a bemused look in his eyes.

“Oh,” Sigyn bit her lips. She'd immediately started her mixing, forgetting that Loki was nearby. “I just...I like to mix ketchup and mayo together with my chips. But I don't really do it in front of people.” She pushed aside the empty packet. “I didn't mean to gross you out.”

“You didn't,” said Loki. “It's charming.”

Condiments mixed to Sigyn's satisfaction, she dug in.

“So, may I ask what was going through your mind today?” Loki asked.

“What do you mean?”

“As I watched you on the slope today,” said Loki. “I had the distinct impression that you were working through something, beyond just the burden of skis and poles. Something shifted in you today. What was it?”

Sigyn sipped her toddy, brow furrowed. Loki had pinpointed something about her she hadn't even noticed, and though he was right, she couldn't quite find the words to explain.

“...I've always played things very safe,” Sigyn began after a moment. “I like my things the way they are. I'm not fond of change, or risks. But...I've missed out on things before. I've let things pass me by.”

“Tell me.”

“Many times,” Sigyn replied. “My choice of schools, my choice of studies...so many of my friends were going across the country for school, but I...I couldn't shake the feeling that moving so far away was something other people did, not me. Internships, semesters abroad, those things weren't meant for me. So I stayed close by.

“What do you mean, they weren't for you?”

“It's what I told myself,” said Sigyn. “But deep down, it's because I've been afraid to be away from home. I was worried I couldn't navigate a new town, a new state, on my own. I couldn't conceive how I'd do it, so I just...didn't. I'd hear about these things, and they'd sound so exciting at first but then, I'd think more, and suddenly they were just too daunting for me.” Sigyn sighed, giving voice to so many insecurities at once shook her. But Loki still listened, letting her know it was okay to continue.

“After I finished undergrad, I'd applied for a copywriting job at a publishing company in Boston,” Sigyn went on. “On a whim, mostly. I hadn't heard back from so many other jobs, so I figured this would be no different. But...they contacted me. I did a phone interview and then...they wanted me to fly up for a real interview.”

“And you didn't get the job?”

“I never even got on the plane,” Sigyn confessed, with a heavy sigh. “After the interview was all set up, the doubts crept in. What if I hated the job? What if I got fired? What if I hated Boston? How could I even survive in Boston when Possum Pines was all I'd known? Where to live, commuting, and what if something bad happened and all my family was several states away?” She shook her head. “I talked myself out of it. I told myself the plane tickets were too much of an expense for a job I may not get and it would be more practical to stick to local places for my search and save my money. So I canceled. Three years later, I'm stuck at a dead-end call center job, screamed at every day, going home to my dad's house at night, kicking myself for not trying. For all I know I wouldn't have been hired, but I would just think...what if?”

“I see,” Loki said gently. “You feel you let yourself down.”

“I _did_ let myself down,” Sigyn corrected. “I was so certain I would fail that I killed my chances of success. I've always done this. And I it's because...because I'm so afraid I'm not good enough. But I never wanted to find out for sure.”

“Sigyn,” said Loki. “You are far more capable than you realize. Your fears should not rule you.”

“You're right. I don't want to be that way anymore. I don't want give up on something great because I'm afraid to try,” Sigyn finished. “And so when you invited me to try skiing, I couldn't let the chance come and go without getting up there, even though I almost talked myself out of it. It's a new chapter for me.”

“Good,” said Loki. “And what is driving your new chapter?”

“You have a lot to do with it,” Sigyn replied, squeezing Loki's hand. “From the moment you asked me to get a drink, I realized there was something wonderful standing right before me, and I didn't want to miss it, so I said yes. You remind me just how much more excitement is out there, beyond my little corner. The places I can see, the things to do. But I want to have you there, too. You make my world exciting.”

Loki bit his lip, caught off-guard by her words. It amazed Sigyn, how each time she expressed how much he meant to her, it seemed to astound him. In an instant, he leaned across the table and kissed her.

“I hope to make your life even more exciting, my sweet,” he murmured when they parted, a hand cupping her chin.

“Well, good,” said Sigyn. “I like having you with me.” She kissed him once more, eager to get back to the hotel.

“And Loki?”

“Yes, love?”

“If you wanted some of my chips, you only had to ask.” She caught his other hand, two surreptitiously pilfered chips in his fingers.

Back in their hotel room, Loki adjusted his bathrobe as he checked a few emails from his tablet. His legs tingled still from the hours of skiing. Even on a simple slope like the Nursery trail took proved tiring. Though he typically favored the more complex trails, spending time with Sigyn on the simple slope proved far more enjoyable than the Double-Black-Diamond course favored by Laufey. The pure delight in her eyes as she tried something new reminded him of his first time on that slope, on a family vacation long ago.

Finding nothing of interest on his tablet, Loki's attention turned to the bathroom. Sigyn had discovered the Jacuzzi setting on the hotel tub, and now the whir of hot water jets hummed from the half-open door. And since a naked Sigyn was far more interesting than a work email, he set the tablet aside and opened the bathroom door, stepping inside.

Sigyn lay back in the tub, eyes closed, jets of water flowing over her submerged body, braided hair up and away from the water. The tub was not being enough to accommodate both of them, but Loki was content to sit beside her on the floor, dipping his hand into the hot stream.

“Feels so good...” Sigyn murmured. “Didn't realize how sore my legs were.”

“It creeps up on you,” said Loki. He pinched the tip of Sigyn's foot that poked above the water. “The ache.”

“What about your aches?” Sigyn asked. “Care for a turn?”

“Worry not about me,” said Loki, sliding his hands up and down her shoulders. He stopped at the little knot between her shoulder blades, digging his fingers in. “I am free of aches at the moment. You have such an effect on me.”

Sigyn moaned as Loki kissed her exposed neck, giving extra attention to the spot below her jawline, drawing more soft moans from her.

“I'm finding it very hard to leave this tub,” Sigyn breathed. “But you are making a _very_ good case for the bed.”

“I am known for being very persuasive,” Loki whispered, hand sliding down her collarbone, beneath the water, stopping right below her navel, teasing her with what he had in mind.

Sigyn needed little more persuasion to switch off the Jacuzzi setting. As the water drained, Loki helped her to her feet, quick with a towel to drape around her, rubbing the cloth against her wet skin. Ever accommodating, Sigyn lifted her arms, allowing him access.

Loki tossed the towel onto the floor, looking her over. “One more finishing touch, I think.” His hands moved to her hair, loosening the two braids from the back of her head. They fell over her shoulders. Loki lifted the first, unwinding the silky curls that slipped between his fingers until the first side was free, then moved to the other, working until her hair fell loose down her back.

“Perfection.” Loki lifted her from the tub, carrying her to the bed. Gooseflesh popped up on her arms in the mix of warm and cooler air, until he set her down near the electric fireplace.

Sigyn tugged the label of his robe, pulling him down to her level. She kissed him with an unexpected fervor, her usual shyness absent. “I need you out of those clothes,” she said when she released him.

“Then I shall discard them,” Loki murmured against her skin, sliding his shoulders free of the robe. “And you, lie back and relax.”

A little gleam caught Sigyn's eyes. Instead of laying back, she sat up, placing a hand on his shoulder. “_You _lie back and relax.”

Puzzled, he nevertheless obeyed, allowing the pressure of her hand to guide him down on his back against the mattress. Her hands found their way to his pants, tugging them down, with a little assistance from Loki's legs. Once she cast the last of his garments aside, she did not slide to her usual position under him, but instead climbed over his torso, straddling his hips. Here was Sigyn, burgeoning risk-taker, letting her desires guide her. That alone nearly sent him over the edge. He bit back a grunt, just to keep himself under control.

She paused, the gleam replaced by concern. “Is this alright?”

Even in his most intimate moments, Loki always needed a degree of control, the one calling the shots. A way to never concede to another, to never have to trust, he could never quite submit, no matter how fond of his partner he may be. It was a barrier, he knew now, a way to protect himself from being vulnerable. Giving up control left him teetering on some ledge, unsure what would happen if he were to fall.

“Hey,” she said, caressing his cheek. “You're safe. I'll take care of you.”

He believed her.

“Yes,” he breathed.

Her hand moved up to his scalp, small fingers working into his hair, rubbing small, deep circles over his head. Loki moaned softly. He loved when she did this, both soothing his nerves and exciting him. Her fingers worked along his scalp down to the base of his neck, burrowing into the pillows. He lifted his chin up to allowed her more access, the tension in his muscles dissolving at her touch. His raised his knees, provided support for her back as she undulated on top of her hips grinding against his.

She reached a hand down below his pelvis and guided him into her. Loki's head fell back against the pillow, helpless to stop the groan in his throat. His hand grasped her hip, stroking her side up and down the curve of her body. As promised, she took care of him. They found their rhythm, Sigyn driving the pace, Loki supporting her as she leaned back onto his raised knees, his arm steady on her side. His free hand slipped between her thighs, giving her a little added stimulation. From his vantage point below her, she came into full view. She moved with more force, her eyes closed, a light pant to her breathing, loose hair surrounding her bare back and shoulders. He watched her climax over him, and the sight finally sent him over the edge, joining her not long after.

She fell against him. He caught her, mouth against hers, and set her back onto the bed next to him. She settled against his shoulder, looking up at him with wide, eager eyes. “Was that...okay?”

“Glorious,” Loki murmured. “You nearly destroyed me.”

“...is that a good thing?”

Loki chuckled, lost in the euphoric exhaustion that followed release. “A splendid thing.”

Much later, while the pale full moon rose over the mountain and the resort came to a close, Loki watched Sigyn's sleeping figure as they lay tangled together. Sigyn's breathing slowed, growing deep and even. Her body limp as she rested her head on his shoulder, a little smile on her lips. Loki threaded his hands through her hair, looking her over, waiting just a little longer, until he was certain she was fully asleep. Then he leaned in, summoning the three words he'd said to her every night since New Year's Eve, but only long after her eyes closed.

“I love you, Sigyn,” he whispered, kissing her temple.

“...You do?”

Loki gaped. “I thought you were asleep!”

She shifted, gazing up at him. “I was...I thought I was dreaming.”

“I...” Loki rarely found himself speechless, yet her knowledge of his confession left him vulnerable.

Fully awake, Sigyn's wide eyes almost shined in the dark room. “But it's true? You really said it? Those other times, too? They weren't dreams?”

Unprepared to contend with her reaction, Loki turned away, laying back down with his back to her. _Too soon, _he thought. _Much too soon. _He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping Sigyn would leave him be. Hoping this whole absurd exchange would be forgotten in the morning.

Behind him, Sigyn's weight shifted, lifting herself to that she looked down at him. “Loki?”

_Leave it, just leave it. _Loki did not want to hear her polite rejection tonight. He couldn't bear her guilty, regretful eyes, her sad smile as she told him she did not feel the same. Perhaps it would sting less in the morning.

Her hand caressed his shoulder. She pulled in close, pressing against his back. “It's okay, Loki.”

He sighed. At least she'd be gentle with him. _I like you. You're a great guy. But...._

“Because I love you, too.”

He turned back, facing her. “Really? Truthfully?”

“Yeah.”

“You're not just saying that because I said it?”

“No.” Sigyn's emphatic tone was matched by her firm hand over his. “I don't know when I realized it, exactly, but it's true. I love you.”

“You,” Loki said softly. “You love me.”

“I do.”

Loki's eyes misted over, a small smile on lips. He'd never thought he'd hear those words said to him, much less from someone as exquisite as she. And hearing it just once was not enough.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“With my name.”

Sigyn laughed. “I love you, _Loki_.”

“Yes,” Loki grinned, caressing her in his arms. “And I love you, too.”


	15. A New Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final day of the ski retreat brings some big news for Loki.

Hot breath on her shoulder.

Lips pressed against her neck.

Pressed against her cheek.

Against her temple.

A light nip on her earlobe.

These sensations lured Sigyn out of her slumber, coaxing her eyes open. She woke under a cocoon of sheets, limbs entangled with Loki's, who'd managed to free himself enough for the ministrations he currently bestowed upon her.

“Well, good morning to you too, my love,” Sigyn cooed, turning to Loki's side of the bed. She tilted her head back to allow Loki better access to her neck, and Loki took full advantage.

“My, aren't we accommodating.” Loki's voice came out husky and ragged. He pressed his body flush with hers, fingers tracing down her front, stopping right at the end of her abdomen. His eyes glinted in the early light, and his hand dipped lower, between her thighs. “For someone claims not to be a morning person, you are most agreeable.”

Sigyn moaned softly, parting her legs. “Doesn't Laufey need you up and about?”

“Laufey can wait a moment or two,” said Loki, tickling her sensitive spot. “When Byleistr's embarrassingly blatant hero worship wears thin, I will make a most welcome appearance.”

“I am finding your appearance very welcome,” Sigyn giggled as Loki's teeth grazed along her neck. “Does Laufey have more than a few moments to spare? I'm not ready to hand you over.”

“All in good time, love,” Loki whispered. “Consider this a sneak preview for tonight, if all goes according to plan.”

Tonight. There was to be the closing banquet for the firm, and there Laufey would announce his exciting news. The words Loki was hoping to hear. She could see the anticipation in his eyes, his frenetic energy. She couldn't wait to be there, to watch his big moment. But there were still many hours between now and then.

“Oh, please don't leave me with just a preview,” Sigyn pleaded as Loki's head dipped below her navel. Her breaths soon gave way to heavy panting. “It's...not fair...need...whole...show...”

Loki looked up at her. “I suppose a little matinee wouldn't hurt...but brace yourself for opening night, my love.”

They parted ways after breakfast. Loki was due for another round of meetings, and an unspoken obligation to join Laufey on the Black Diamond slopes, a bit too advanced for Sigyn, but she insisted Loki indulge Laufey, even if it meant being without her. It was the last full day at the resort, and Sigyn found herself wanting to explore instead of hovering over her laptop. And with plenty more to do besides just skiing, there was no shortage of ways to occupy her time until the big dinner, and the announcement. As Loki set off in the direction of the conference rooms, Sigyn left the hotel and set out to see the heart of the resort, stack of gift cards from the welcome basket in hand.

At a little boutique gift shop, Sigyn scoured the shelves up and down until she found a coffee-scented candle for Mantis, a disappearing civil liberties mug for Darcy, apple-scented hand lotion for Idunn, and a set of calligraphy pens for Loki. For herself, she found a little teacup with small blue snowflakes.

As she left the shop, gift bag in hand, she spotted Gerd just outside the main lodge, looking over a resort map. Sigyn waved, catching Gerd's attention before bounding over the snow to meet her.

“Enjoying the retreat?” Sigyn asked.

“Oh, yeah, but we've been busy,” said Gerd. “Just got some time to myself, trying to figure out where everything is.”

“Well, I'm taking a look around myself, if you want to come along,” said Sigyn. “Might as well explore a bit this afternoon.”

“Alright,” said Gerd, falling into step beside Sigyn. “I've been stuck with the other admins, it's nice to get out with someone else.”

Sigyn bit her lip, thinking back to the first dinner. “By the way, if I caused you any problems by inviting you to sit with me and Loki at dinner, I am sorry. I didn't know there were rules.”

Gerd shook her head. “Not your fault. I didn't know, either. Until Ylva...” she sighed. “Legal culture is so damn weird. You never know what you're supposed to do, until you do it wrong.”

“Sounds like a tough crowd,” Sigyn remarked. “Was it hard to adjust?”

“I'm still adjusting, actually,” Gerd admitted. “Thinking a lot, too, about my place here.”

As they walked along the string of resort shops surrounding the lodge, Sigyn and Gerd looked over the map, deciding what to do next. Neither were experienced skiers, but there was still plenty to do besides the slopes.

“We've got a coupon for snow tubing,” said Gerd. “A lot less complicated than skiing. We just sit in a tube and go down a hill.”

“Like skiing except you've already fallen over,” said Sigyn. “Why not?”

They made their way to the east end of the mountain, towards the snow tubing lanes, rented their tubes, and sat back while the lift took them to the top of the gentle slope. Sliding down in the inflated tube, Sigyn thought back to her childhood, when she and Idunn would go sled riding in the forested lot a few blocks away from their backyard. Usually on the first snowfall of the winter, and sometimes they'd spend entire snow days on that little hill, right until sundown when they were called inside. Now, she was older, the hill steeper, and the sliding longer and faster. Still, a little of the simple joy bloomed in her, outside, in the cold, allowing the tube to take her along the snow.

After about two hours, Gerd and Sigyn had their fill of the cold, as being so close to the ground left little cover from the snow. Eager to warm up, they returned to the main lodge in search of more indoor activities to pass the time.

“Can I ask you something?” Sigyn asked after a round of mini-golf. They returned their clubs and balls to the front desk.

“Yeah?”

“What did you mean when you said you were thinking about your place here? Your place at the firm?”

“Oh,” said Gerd. “I guess I just got to thinking about what I really want, career-wise. Long-term.”

“Any ideas?”

Gerd shrugged. “Mostly just art history. Whether I can really explore it again, somehow.”

Sigyn clapped her hands. “Wonderful!”

“Nothing official yet,” Gerd said shyly. “You're kind of the first person I told, actually.”

“Well, I hope you go for it.” Sigyn smiled. She reached for the resort map. “But in the mean time, what shall we explore next? Laser tag?”

Gerd checked her phone and grimaced. “Little late for anything else. Time slipped right by.”

Sigyn blinked. “What time is it?”

“It's nearly six,” said Gerd. “Banquet's at seven.”

Sigyn's eyes widened. “Damn! We need to get back the hotel!”

Sigyn rushed back to the hotel room, finding Loki at the mirror, straightening his tie.

“So sorry I'm late,” Sigyn said, throwing her purse and bags on the table and pulling off her coat. “I was out and...lost track of time.”

“Not late yet,” Loki said, his tone somewhat abrupt. “But we need to leave soon.”

Sigyn hurriedly changed into a dress and fixed her mussed curls. As a final touch, she wore the snake pin Loki bought for her, so show her pride in Loki on one of the biggest moments in his career. She finished up as Loki tied his polished black shoes. He looked her over, his brow quirked. “Now that must be a record transformation. I'm impressed.”

“What can I say? I have two roommates and one bathroom.” Sigyn shrugged. “Ready?”

Loki closed his eyes. Sigyn caressed his chin until he looked up at her. “Hey. Whatever happens, I'm here,” she said. With that, Loki nodded. He stood, putting on his jacket, and they headed down the hall.

Down the elevator, Sigyn watched Loki take a deep breath. She squeezed his hand. “How was appeasing Laufey today?”

“Well enough.”

“Gerd and I went snow tubing today,” Sigyn tried again, hoping to lighten Loki's mood. “Less intense than skiing, but it was fun. Also we...” When Loki didn't respond, she stopped. “Sorry, I'm being annoying.”

“You're not, my sweet,” said Loki, shaken from his reverie. “I'm just a bit...worked up.”

Sigyn nodded. “The announcement. I get it.”

“I am glad you're enjoying yourself, darling.” He turned to her just before the elevator doors opened. “And I'm glad you're with me.”

“Which reminds me,” Sigyn pulled the calligraphy pens from her purse. “For you. From the gift shop.”

Loki looked down at the set of pens. He took hold, thumb lightly running over the metal tips. “Gorgeous. Thank you, sweetheart.” Some of the tension eased from his eyes, and his jaw unclenched enough to allow a sincere smile.

“I love you,” Sign replied, kissing his cheek when they reached the hotel lobby. She gazed up at him. Her Loki, on the verge of an important moment in his life, and he'd chosen her to accompany him, by his side when it happened.

The firm retreat guests gathered in the banquet hall across from the hotel for the final dinner and the big announcement. Loki and Sigyn walked in just as the other guests were filing in, and the caterers buzzed around the back corner, setting up steaming pans of food and plates. Sigyn waved over at Gerd before following Loki to a table where two other attorneys, Byleistr and Helblindi, were seated.

Laufey arrived a few moments after the last few firm guests filed in. His entrance met with borderline reverence, Sigyn found herself awed at his ability to command a room. It was easy to imagine him in court, delivering closing arguments with a control and confidence like a king. He strode over to their table, taking a seat at the head, with Loki, Byleistr, and Helblindi on his right.

“Another successful retreat,” Laufey commented. “Let's hope it leads to another successful year of cases.” A round of applause. “But first, let us eat.” Despite his words, the other tables remained seated, as did everyone at Sigyn's table. Another unwritten rule. No one made a move towards the table of heated pans until Laufey went over, followed by the paralegals' table, then the admins. Meekly, Sigyn followed along, aware of the strange air as all the guests awaiting the big announcement, and the moment it would come.

Back at the table, she struggled to focus on the idle chat, even when it wasn't law-related. The tightness returned to Loki's features, Helblindi's smug grin, and Byleistr's fawning laugh each time Laufey spoke reminded her of so many bad theatre productions as they all played at cordiality. It didn't help that Laufey loomed so close by, coming across as a much larger figure, the one they all aimed to please. She hoped he'd make the announcement soon and get the agonizing anticipation over with.

Finally, midway through the banquet, Laufey stood from his place at the attorney table. “My dear colleagues, if I may have your attention.”

The group silenced, all eyes on their leader.

“As you know, I started this firm over a decade ago, back when it was just myself, Lorelei, and of course my dear mother-” at this he nodded at Ylva. “Never did I dream we'd grow so quickly. Each and every one of you has contributed to our success, in some way or another, and we would not have gotten this far without all of you.” A smattering of applause.

Laufey paused, bracing himself for the big news the entire firm waited to hear. “However, as we've grown, there is one individual, one of my most trusted attorneys-” Here, he nodded towards to Loki's side of the table. “It was a risk, hiring him on. When we met he hadn't had much experience in the field. But his passion, his enthusiasm, his commitment...it made an impression. And I've always had an eye for taking chances. I know a good bet when I see one. And all these years later, I am pleased to say bringing him on was a risk worth taking.”

More applause. Laufey beamed down at the attorneys, though the precise spot where his gaze landed proved unclear from Sigyn's seat.

“And now the time has come for our firm to welcome a new partner, one to share the name, the honor, the risk, with me. And I am pleased to place another bet on my winning streak of an associate.”

Sigyn glanced over at Loki, who listened with wide eyes, awaiting the big moment when Laufey would announce his name. She placed an encouraging hand on his elbow, and he met her eyes, giving a tense nod, then his eyes returned to Laufey.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please extend your congratulations to our new firm partner...” Laufey extended his hand to the right side of the table. “Byleistr!”


	16. A Rash Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn struggles to find a way to comfort Loki, but Loki blindsides her with an abrupt decision.

Silence.

Silence as they left the banquet hall after the dinner wrapped.

Silence in the elevator.

Silence as they walked down the halls.

Silence as the door to their hotel room clicked shut.

Sigyn waited for Loki to say something, anything, but his jaw remained firmly clenched, his gaze straight ahead. She searched for words to comfort him, but what was there to say? He'd needed this promotion so badly. And he wasn't chosen.

Finally, she tried, for some form of reassurance. “Loki...I-”

“Pack your bags.”

“What?”

“Pack your bags,” Loki said, already opening his suitcase. “We're leaving.”

“Tonight?” They weren't due to check out until tomorrow morning.

“No reason to stay.”

Dumbfounded, Sigyn nevertheless packed her bags. Not another word between them. Once everything was packed, they left, checked out, and loaded the Civic. Sigyn kept her eyes on Loki, wondering if she ought to try again. But he would not even look at her. Much as she'd gotten to know him, she still found him hard to read at times.

They drove along the darkened paths, leaving the glow of the ski resort behind. The two hour drive passed in complete silence, with Sigyn unsure if even some music would help, or merely bother Loki even more. She glanced at him, finding his eyes glued to the road, his lips pursed.

_Say something, damn it, _she thought to herself. _He needs you. _Yet words still failed her. What could reassure him, make the pain better, when he'd been denied the very thing he'd needed so badly? Loki wasn't the type to be fooled by well-meaning platitudes, but she knew not what would comfort him now. Perhaps it was best to wait until he wished to speak.

After an excruciatingly silent two hours, they arrived at the parking garage at Loki's building. Sigyn meekly followed Loki's lead, taking her suitcase out of the trunk and following along as they made their way to his condo. Perhaps now he'd be more inclined to share his feelings with her.

Instead, he went into the bedroom, closing the door. Sigyn heard the opening of drawers and the rustling of fabric, but little else. She knew Loki was immensely private, but after all they'd shared, it was so unlike him to close himself off to her.

“Loki?” She called. “Are you alright?”

Finally, the bedroom door opened. Loki stepped out, carrying Sigyn's overnight bag with him. He set it down in front of her. A cold determination set over him. “I believe that's everything.”

Sigyn looked down at the bag, filled with everything she'd been keeping at his place. “Why are you giving me this? Am I not staying the night?”

Loki swallowed. “We won't be seeing each other anymore.”

Sigyn's heart stopped. “What?”

“I've lost precious hours taking you all around the city. Hours and energy and effort that should have gone to the job,” said Loki. “I have wined and dined and entertained you at the expense of the firm. It can't happen again.”

“Wait, you're saying..._I'm_ the reason you weren't chosen?”

“All was right on track until you showed up,” Loki said coldly.

Sigyn's head grew fuzzy. Her legs trembled as though the bottom had dropped from underneath them. Her throat tightened in a way that made breathing difficult. “You...you-you were the one who asked me out,” she managed weakly. “I-I never pushed you-”

“A mistake. I see that now.” He closed his eyes. “I wish I hadn't met you.”

“You don't mean that!” Sigyn's words wavered as tears stung her eyes. “Tell me you don't mean that!”

“Just go,” said Loki, back turned. “Don't make this harder than it must be.”

“But why is this happening at all?” Sigyn blinked back tears. How could this be? Why was he doing this? The whole scene took on a surreal atmosphere, like a rift in reality and Sigyn was merely watching helplessly as everything crumbled. “What...what about last night? What about all the we've spent spent together and...and now it's over? Like...like it's nothing?”

“Make of that what you will, Sigyn. It changes nothing.”

"Loki," Sigyn pleaded. "I am so sorry you weren't chosen, but you're not a failure. Please don't destroy us. I-I want to help you work through this. I don't want to leave you." She stepped forward. "And I think you know love isn't the reason you lost." She hoped he'd see reason, push past his anger, his humiliation, and let her near him, but he didn't move. He only stood, back turned, her pleas falling on his deaf ears. 

"Leave," said Loki. "You have cost me too much already." 

“I see.” Defeated, Sigyn struggled to keep her tears from spilling. “So your lovely words only count when you're getting what you want? As soon as things get hard you just throw it all away?”

Loki whirled around to face her. “Who exactly did you think you were getting involved with?” His voice turned harsh. “I am a lawyer. Lovely words are my specialty. I say whatever will get me what I want and I care not for the consequences.” His calculating eyes did not meet hers. “Did you really think that would change if I made partner?”

Sigyn shook her head, his words cut so deep she struggled to stand. “I..don't believe this...I saw the real you...you're not like them.”

“I am exactly like them,” Loki sneered. “If sincerity is what you're after, I suggest you hop in bed with a member of Greenpeace. I will not stop you.” With that, he turned away, retreating into the bedroom, slamming the door.

“...you told me you loved me,” Sigyn's came out so high and broken she doubted he heard her, but it mattered little. He would not be seeing her again. So this was it. All that time together, the bond, the trust, the love...gone. Broken. Just like that. One of the happiest times in life ending with a slammed door and little fanfare.

Her fingers found their way to her collarbone, to the snake brooch, sliding the clasp free. She set it on the table. Loki, back still turned, said nothing. She gathered her bags, and left.

She hurried down the hall towards the elevator as her tears flowed free, desperate to get away from the very place that had been her favorite spot in the city just days ago.

As the elevator opened, she thought she heard him calling after her, but the doors closed, shutting out his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter BROKE MY HEART.


	17. Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sigyn cope with their break-up. Sigyn tries delving back into her classes and Loki has an unexpected heart-to-heart.

_What have I done?_

The thought snapped Loki back to reality the moment he heard the door click shut, Sigyn's muffled cries in the hallway. The wave of regret hit him like a semi, and he'd called her name down the hallway. When she didn't respond, he'd come running out, only to find the elevator already closed and on its descent. By the time it came back up and took him to the lobby, she was gone. Just as he'd said he'd wanted.

He skulked back to his silent condo, sliding to the ground against the door, dropping his head in his hands. Trapped with only his thoughts, he struggled to breathe. Ever since the announcement, the sickening failure crawled over his skin and settled several inches deep, leaving him unclean. The urge to be rid of it had overrode all other instincts. He needed to flee, to be away from the fawning over Byleistr, off the damned mountain. The instant a chance for a graceful exit revealed itself, he said his goodbyes and retreated the banquet hall, Sigyn following.

Her eyes. Her wide, searching, loving eyes. She'd wanted so badly to comfort him, for him to talk to her. To tell him she still loved him, she was proud of him, and on and on. He couldn't allow it, her well-meaning kindness would only remind him how little deserved it. He'd brought her there to celebrate, not mourn. He hadn't wanted her comfort. He'd hated himself too much.

His mind scrambled for some explanation over Laufey's decision, to make sense of why he'd lost when he'd poured so many long hours of devotion into proving himself. His pierced dignity and spiraling self-worth coalesced into a bitter anger, one with no outlet. He wanted to rage at Laufey, for passing him over, at Byleistr for stealing his chance, even at Odin, whose elusive approval drove him to look elsewhere for someone to make proud. But such figures loomed too large and powerful over Loki to place blame. Instead, he looked over his shoulder, at Sigyn, still looking at him with her sweet, loving, pitying eyes. Only when she came into the picture did he lose sight. She'd unwittingly lured him away from his ambition. And he'd paid the price, humiliated while she enjoyed a free ski vacation.

Suddenly, it all made sense: If Sigyn hadn't been in the picture, he would have been partner. If he wanted to realize he potential, he had to be rid of her.

Over the long drive, he told himself it was for the best-he couldn't have distractions. He'd let himself get lazy, divided his attention, clouded his focus. Just to be with her. By the time he'd pulled up the condo, he'd convinced himself it was the right thing to do.

Even then, a small part of him rebelled against his decision, but he pushed himself through it, delivering every word calculated to break her heart, ignoring the splintering fracture of his own. Had any other soul alive made her cry like that, he would have destroyed them where they stood. And yet, her tears where his doing. When it was done, he hated himself all the more. He'd deserved to lose her.

In the end, that was why he'd broken up with her. A punishment for his wretched self. For his failure.

_What have I done?_

The thought echoed in his ears in the silent, empty condo. Hallow. It all looked so hallow, this well-furnished compartment of a luxury high rise. A perfect staple of everything he thought he'd wanted- a sign of status, of power, of being someone. In the late hour, having lost everything, he realized just how little it meant, an empty pursuit that never left him fulfilled, like a hamster running itself into exhaustion on a spinning wheel.

_I wish I'd never met you_. He regretted the words the moment he'd said them, yet there was some degree of truth to what he'd said, though he hadn't meant it. Not the in the way he'd allowed her to believe.

If he hadn't met her, he never would have how much more he'd had to offer beyond appeasing Laufey.

If he hadn't met her, he never would have realized how much the firm consumed him.

If he hadn't met her, he never would have known how lonely his life had been.

If he hadn't met her, he would have just carried on as always, devoted himself to work, to Laufey, maybe making partner, maybe not, always on another quest for more.

Because he'd met her, he already had more.

And he'd thrown it out.

_What have I done?_

The thought plagued him through a night of no sleep, tossing and turning. His mind reeled with the loss, not of the partner title, but of a more important role: The One Sigyn Loved. Of course, the prospect of facing his coworkers the next day did little to improve his despair.

She should be here now, with me, he realized. But thanks to him, and him alone, she wouldn't be.

He watched the clock as the hours ticked by, waiting until the moment the 5 appeared, setting off the alarm. He stood, wiped his face, and set about his routine, pure habit taking over as his clouded mind lingered thousands of miles away.

Traces of her still permeated the condo- her scent on the right side of his bed, the half-emptied bottle of peppermint coffee creamer he'd bought because she liked it, the little bar of artisan lavender soap she'd bought at the artist market in the bathroom, a stray hair tie on his night stand. The throw pillow on his sofa, which she would hug to her chest when she was watching something.

The snake brooch on the counter.

His knees nearly buckled at the sight of it. The memory of that day in the jewelry store, her head nearly touching his as they looked over the selection, her eyes brightening as she talked about the little snake. Even back then, he'd started falling for her.

He scraped together every ounce of willpower, every shred of dignity he had left, and forced himself into work.

*

_...I'll get over you, I know I will..._

_...Shoulda seen it comin' down, I shoulda fuckin' known..._

_..What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?_

Sigyn lay curled up on her bed, ear buds firmly in place, listening to every break-up song she could think of, her eyes blurry from hours of crying, though at the moment she could muster no more. Her stomach hurt from the sobs, and every once of her body drained from the much-needed catharsis, but in the end she felt no better. The last 48 hours left her profoundly shaken, having gone from one of the happiest moments of her life, when she and Loki admitted they loved one another, to her entire world shattering when he'd dumped her out of nowhere. She questioned everything about him, their relationship, what had gone wrong or whether it was real at all. She'd thought they'd had something special between them, only to lose it the moment something went wrong. Was it really her fault Loki wasn't chosen? Did he just want someone to blame? Why her? What had she done?

She compulsively checked her phone, hoping she'd find an imploring, apologetic message from Loki, telling her he didn't mean what he'd said, and could she come back to him, please? Yet no such message came through.

She tilted her head back, letting another song reassure her that she wasn't alone.

_...Come back to me, I'm begging you please..._

A soft knock on her door tugged Sigyn away from her ruminations. “Yeah?”

Mantis tenatively opened the door. “It is almost time for class. Are you coming?” She and Mantis both had classes that began at the same time on Mondays, so they often went to the University together.

Sigyn stopped her music and sat up, wiping her eyes. She'd nearly forgotten about her schedule. Miserable as she was, the prospect of sitting though three hours of Cataloging held no appeal. How could she even concentrate on anything her ancient professor had to say when every fiber of her being ached. What if she burst into tears?

“Oh...I'm not sure,” Sigyn murmured. “I don't know if I can handle class today.”

Mantis came forward and sat beside her. She lightly stroked Sigyn's shoulders, her eyes misting over as though absorbing Sigyn's pain at the touch. She hugged Sigyn tighter as a few tears fell. “I am sorry,” Mantis said quietly, as though she herself had been dumped by Loki, too. Mantis' uncanny sense of empathy, sometimes experiencing someone else's emotions right along with them, could be unnerving at times. But Mantis had a good heart, and having someone to share her heartache lightened the heaviness in Sigyn's heart, if only for a short while.

“Maybe going to class will take your mind off Loki?” Mantis suggested when they parted. “You will have something to think about besides him.”

Sigyn sighed. She couldn't imagine thinking about anything other than him, replaying the fight over and over. “I don't know if I can...hold myself together for three whole hours, Mantis. It all hurts too much.”

Mantis considered Sigyn's concerns. “Perhaps you can try coming with me, and if you can't get on the bus, we can come back. If you can't get into the classroom, we can go back onto the bus. And if you can't make it through three hours, we can go home during the break.”

Sigyn straightened. Never had the prospect of getting out of the bed and leaving the apartment. She wanted nothing more than to shut out everything and everyone, grieving her lost love. Nothing else mattered.

But Loki split up with her because she allegedly cost him the partner title. Missing class would mean Loki could cost her the MLIS. He may have broken her heart, but she wouldn't let him ruin her GPA.

“Alright,” Sigyn replied. “I'll try going. Just give me a few minutes.”

After she'd washed her face, clearing the red and puffiness from her eyes, brushed her hair, and changed out into real clothes, Sigyn packed up and joined Mantis, who waited in the living room. Mantis held out a banana and a bottle of Gatorade as Sigyn came over. “I didn't see you eat anything,” Mantis explained, proffering the fruit and bottle. “And something to drink to replenish your lost fluid. Please try.”

Sigyn wasn't hungry, and hadn't been all day, yet she took Mantis' advice and finished the banana as they walked to the bus stop. Having some sustenance cleared her head, settled her stomach, and alleviated the wooziness as she walked. She had been hungry, after all, just too devastated to realize it. Putting one foot in front of other distracted her from her broken heart, and so she directed her thoughts to the stairs leading down to the sidewalk, the cold air against her face, the other neighbors leaving for the day, the chirps of the few birds left in the trees. _Small steps, small steps, _Sigyn thought. As Mantis had said, she didn't have to push herself, but the more steps she took, the better she felt. The three-hour class ahead became much less daunting.

She turned to Mantis as they rounded the street corner, where a few regular commuters already waited. “Thank you for luring me out.”

Mantis smiled. “It is no trouble.”

“By the way,” Sigyn added between sips of Gatorade. “I'm going to a storytelling event on Thursday. People getting up and telling true, 5 minute stories based around a theme. It's like a cross between an open mic and monologues. Extra credit for my Storytelling class if we go.” She'd had an extra ticket, originally planning to go with Loki. “If you'd like to join me.”

Mantis furrowed her brow. “Will we have to tell a story? That would be horrible.”

“We can if we want, I think, but it's not required.”

“Alright,” said Mantis. “I will go.” Down the street, the bus pulled into view a few blocks away.

Getting back to her usual routine eased the ache somewhat, though the empty, gutted feeling remained. She made it onto the bus, into the classroom, forcing herself to pay attention through the long monotone of the lecture. By the time the class break rolled around, Sigyn decided that staying for the final half was preferable to returning to her bed and nonstop break-up songs, and so she'd messaged Mantis that she'd make it to the end, after all.

From then on, Sigyn decided, she would throw herself into her school work, or her job, anytime she started to think about Loki. When her mind started to replay the break-up, she'd work ahead on an assignment. When she started to wonder what he was doing at moment while she was at work, she'd head up into the stacks, straightening shelves and putting misplaced books back in their proper place. When the temptation to contact Loki reared its head, as it often did, she checked her emails for something to reply back to, for ALA, her group assignments, a question for the TA. Always, the devastation loomed in the shadow of her thoughts, but staying busy kept the wave of grief at bay for the daylight hours, at least.

Only at night, with all her work finished, and the entire world shut down, could Sigyn avoid the pain no longer. Then, the waves of pain would crash through her psyche, with no more barriers to keep them at bay. Those long nights she'd spend awash with tears, with only memories of a love she'd once believed in to keep her company.

*

In the days that followed, Loki adhered to his schedule, pushing himself to be the ever-dutiful Associate who graciously accepted his loss that Laufey expected him to be. He worked even longer hours, offered Byleistr the most sincere-sounding congratulations he could muster, and carefully side-stepped questions about how Sigyn was doing. He kept up the performance convincingly enough that he nearly fooled himself a few times.

It seemed the reason Laufey had told Loki he'd want to hear the announcement was because he would be assisting Byleistr for the time being, eventually taking on most of Byleistr's case load. Even more work with an ever-vanished hope of reward. Still, he cooperated, squashing down his turmoil until no one was the wiser.

He carried on, allowing pure habit to takeover, guiding from place to place, meeting to meeting, some part of him switched off while operating on autopilot. Days blurred together, one after the next. He barely needed to think, which at the moment, he preferred.

All went according to plan, until one day later that week, when Ylva made an off-hand comment on her way out of the break room in the late afternoon.

“Just one more day until the weekend!” she chirped, clapping her hands as though the passing of the days of the week were some wonderful news and not simply a measure of how time worked. Prepared to brush the inane comment off, Loki stopped dead in his tracks, hit with the full implication of Ylva's statement. Today was Thursday.

Thursday.

The day when Sigyn would ordinarily come over after her class.

Patiently waiting for him to arrive at the condo.

Except, she wouldn't be. Not tonight, or any other Thursday in the future.

He would be alone.

All the illusions, all the self-deception vanished at the thought. He retreated to his office, struggling to catch his breath as the wind knocked out of his chest. He could keep the facade up no longer, and so he did something he hadn't done in all his years at the firm.

He left work early.

Claiming a headache and flu-like symptoms, he fled the Jotunheim Centre before anyone could question his sudden departure. Though relieved to be away from watchful eyes, Loki dreaded returning to his cold, empty, dark condo. With nowhere else to go, Loki simply walked.

The temperature danced on the line between cold and fair, right on the cusp where winter met spring. In the air, white droplets fell from the sky, icy bits of snow that turned to wet rain when it hit the ground. The droplets hit harder and faster as Loki walked. He regretted not bringing an umbrella, as the rain turned from an irritating sprinkle to a full downpour, with a strange white-out overhead. He walked on, with no destination in mind, letting the rain soak him through.

A hearse pulled up to the curb by the sidewalk next to Loki. He paused. The driver side window slid open to reveal Hela.

“Odd weather for a stroll, isn't it?” she asked, lowering her sunglasses. The door locks clicked open. “Care to dry off?”

Dripping wet, Loki rounded the car to the passenger side, but before he opened the door, he glanced towards the back of the hearse.

“Before I take you up on your most gracious offer,” he asked. “You don't have a..._client_ back there, right now, do you?”

“Not at the moment,” Hela motioned to the empty seat across from her. “Climb in.”

Tired of the rain, Loki slid into the passenger seat. The hearse pulled off, through the rain-soaked streets. As they drove, other cars regarded the hearse with a sort of reverent deference, allowing Hela the first turn even when they had the right-of-way.

“Is this why you prefer the hearse over a normal car?” Loki asked. “So the other drivers yield?”

“Personal branding. Makes a statement.” Hela shrugged. “What the other drivers wish to make of that statement is out of my hands. Now, where were you headed?”

Loki hesitated. Not to his condo. Not back to the office. But where to go? He had nowhere, no one, to come home to.

“Ah, aimless wandering” Hela nodded with understanding though Loki hadn't said a word. “Anywhere but here.”

“I suppose.”

“One of my parlors isn't far from here. Should be cleared out by now. Shall we have a drink?”

Loki hadn't spent much time with Hela at all for several years, and still found her a bit morbid at times. Gallows humor to match her profession, he supposed. But in his rare desperation to rid himself of his empty isolation, to not be alone on this Thursday night, he nodded.

A few minutes later, the hearse pulled up to a Colonial Revival house just off the corner of a busy street. Her signature HelHeim Funeral Homes marbled plaque tastefully placed off to side of the main entrance. Hela parked in the middle of the wrap-around driveway. She pulled the double doors open, revealing a welcoming foyer that struck Loki as uncharacteristically warm coming from his sardonic, cynical sister.

“You know, after I got my MBA, there were two industries that attracted me most: Weddings, if you can believe that. And funerals.” Hela sunk into one of the plush leather chairs in the parlor, motioning at an empty one beside her. “I chose funerals because death is the one thing in life that is inevitable. Economics and market trends be damned, it comes for us all.”

Loki took a seat across from Hela. His dripping hair clung to his neck and cheeks, and the water that soaked his socks and dampened his feet did little to improve his mood. Out of the window, across the street, Loki spotted the entrance to the theater where he and Sigyn were to attend a storytelling even she'd invited him to. Plans canceled, he wondered if someone was taking his place with her tonight, or if she was alone now.

In almost any other circumstance, Hela would gladly switch places with one of her clients than ever admit to any sort of maternal feeling. But Loki- born several weeks premature, found in a basket outside a hospital with a host of complications, according to what the adoption agency told Frigga when they'd brought him home- looked so much like a fledgling pushed from the nest far too early. When she'd met her youngest brother, she'd done something she'd never once done with Thor: She'd asked Frigga if she could hold him. He'd looked so lost, so pleading, the orphan they'd adopted. He'd never quite lost that look, even as an adult.

“But enough about me,” Hela said, rising. “You need Scotch while you unburden your soul.”

“What makes you think my soul is burdened?”

Hela smirked. “Wandering round in the rain, the kicked puppy expression. You've not even bothered to ask for a towel even though there's a puddle under you.”

Hela pulled out a bottle of Glenmorangie and two glasses from the cabinet in far corner, pausing to casually toss a hand towel at Loki.

Loki pressed his face into the towel. “There was a ski retreat for the firm,” he sighed. “I thought Laufey was to make me partner. He chose someone else.”

“Hm.” Hela brought over the glasses setting one in front of Loki. “I met Laufey once. When Odin was still parading me around as his proudest accomplishment. Some alumni fundraiser thing. I was not impressed.”

Loki laughed bitterly, swirling the around Scotch in his glass. “And yet I have wasted years trying to impress that man.”

“Let me guess,” said Hela. “He took you under his wing. Let you inside his world. Praised you just enough to keep you wanting more. Told you you had _potential _if only you were more like him. And when you weren't...you were done. Discarded in favor of someone fitting his exact image.”

“I'm sorry...are we discussing Odin or Laufey?”

“Does it matter? They're exactly alike,” said Hela. “Why do you think they hate each other?”

Odin. Laufey. Domineering. Presiding over their respective businesses like kings. Demanding the full devotion of everyone under their umbrella. Swiftly and callously throwing away anyone who didn't appease them. Loki vying for their approval, now knowing full well neither ever intended to provide it. Their similarities were not lost on Loki, but having it stated so plainly reminded him just how foolish he'd been all along. “I am an imbecile,” he chided himself.

“Aren't we all?” Hela drawled. “You know, in my entire life, I heard Odin apologize exactly once.” She leaned back in the chair. “After our failed little daddy-daughter business venture. Pushed me to accept a bad deal, left us in shambles. Never had I heard such a show of heartfelt remorse from Odin. Such regret at letting down...” She sneered. “His _investors_.”

“I tried so hard to make the business work, ignored my own instincts to make him happy. He took all the credit and I took all the blame. That apology was about saving face, not true regret. He's never uttered a sincere apology. Not once to me. Nor you. Thor. Our mother,” Hela gave a bitter chuckle. “All that pride, that need for control. Refusing to concede, even when he was wrong. Not once considering anyone other than himself. Everything was always someone else's fault. That was the moment I turned my back.”

“He only loves when he's getting what he wants.” Loki swallowed a bitter mouthful of Scotch. He'd always known this about Odin, he'd _lived_ it. Yet in the long days since he'd been passed over for partner, something shifted. Something he wasn't ready to confront. He stood, walked up to the bay windows that showed off the view of the street.

From his vantage point he could see the lights were on at the theater down the street. A line began to form in front of the doors. Loki watched, eyes keen on spying one figure in particular.

Hela arched her eyebrow at Loki's diverted attention. “Got somewhere to be?”

“No.” Loki cleared his throat, eyes on the tiny theater. “I lost something important to me. Threw it away. I didn't mean to. I keep thinking of it.”

Hela's eyes followed Loki's gaze, settling on the theater line. “Really?”

And there she was, her polka dot rain boots and flash of her pink coat. Sigyn. Walking up to the doors with Mantis.

_That was to be me by her side. I should be there with her. _

The pair were joined a few others on the front steps, fellow library students, if Loki had to guess, based on Sigyn's reaction to her new companions and Mantis' more reserved wave. Sigyn smiled and laughed with her friends, seemingly having filled in whatever gap he'd left in her life just fine.

_Of course she doesn't miss me. She probably despises me. _

The group made their way inside. Loki's urge to run over, to stop Sigyn, tell she meant everything to him, implore her to take him back, nearly compelled him across the street. Before she disappeared into the theater, Sigyn turned. Her gaze landed directly on him.

He stared back, frozen. Everything he wanted, just a few yards away. If he moved fast enough, he might just get to her in time, in a desperate bid to fix it all.

_Leave her be. You hurt her enough as it is. _

It was true. He'd hurt her. He had no reason to believe she would even take him back. He had no right to spoil her night with his unwelcome overtures. And so, just before she could lift her arm to wave, he pulled the window curtain shut, turning away.

Perhaps it was the Scotch hitting at him, or the knowledge she'd moved on. Or the wave of regret that throttled his insides, but Loki stumbled back to the plush leather chair, sinking back in. Hela said nothing, but Loki did not wish to tell her more. Not this.

“Tell me,” said Loki, once he'd settled. Eager to shove the spotlight away from his own troubles, he focused on something else Hela had said, so absurd on the surface he would have though she'd been joking. “After you got your MBA, why you were drawn to the _wedding_ industry?”

“Is it not obvious?” Hela replied, regarding her younger brother. “Clients' common sense goes out the window. Love makes fools of us all.”


	18. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn reaches her lowest point. Loki gets even more news. Slight warning for some dub-con elements (no sexual activity) coercion and drinking. Wasn't sure how best to tag.

_He hates me. _

Sigyn stared down the street at the closed curtain in the funeral home window, her arm still raised, ready to wave. It was him, she knew it. He'd seen her. And he'd closed the curtain on her.

She'd hoped he still cared for her, harbored no ill will towards her, despite the break-up. But to very literally shut her out...not only did he not love her, he didn't like her at all anymore.

Small. Vanishingly small. There on the theater steps, her self-worth shriveled under the sting of rejection. He didn't love her after all.

“Sig?”

She turned at the sound of Mantis' voice. “I'm coming.”

She forced herself away from the steps, following Mantis and her group into the theater. It was much smaller than the one downtown where Loki had taken her. The memory did little to quell the sting, only reminding her again of how much she loved him.

The theater had an informal setup, with tables and chairs loosely assembled before a slightly raised stage and a bar just behind the ticket counter. Sigyn and her companions settled at a back table near the exit doors. The small space filled quickly. The storytelling night, once a ragtag assembly of just a few people at its inception, had gained a lot of traction and an ever-growing following, evidenced by the crowd much too large for the tiny theater. Before long, all the tables were full, and still people were filing, standing in any available spot before the stage.

A few minutes after the start time, the lights dimmed, leaving the focus on the stage. A younger looking man dressed in jeans and a blazer hopped onto the stage.

“Hey folks, thanks for coming!” He began. “I'm Bragi, your host for the evening...”

_Focus. Focus. Focus. _Sigyn strained to keep her mind on the storytellers before her, but only managed to pay attention long enough to hear the first few sentences from each one, and rejoining reality just in time to applaud when they finished. Otherwise, her thoughts drifted back to Loki, his face when he looked at her, the curtain abruptly closing. Had she really ruined his life so badly that he hated her? How had he turned on her so quickly? Was she really that awful?

In time, the lights came on under one more round of applause. Sigyn blinked back to her surroundings, having absorbed nothing about the show. All the insight and stories and ideas slid away from her as if her mind were coated in Teflon.

“That was interesting,” said Mantis. “What did you think, Sigyn?”

“It was good.” Sigyn looked over the theater space. The crowd thinned, but the bar area was still open. Sigyn had no desire to return to her dark bed, alone with her thoughts. “Did you want to stick around for a bit? Get a drink?”

“I guess we can have one until the bus comes,” Mantis shrugged.

Relieved at not having to go home yet, Sigyn offered to buy. She made her way over to the bar counter, looking over the selection written in chalk behind the bartender. As she waited, a looming figure came up behind her. She turned, finding a tall, muscular, man with short dark hair grinning at her.

“Thirsty?”

Sigyn glanced in all directions, certain he was addressing someone else. He leaned in closer until it was clear he wasn't referring to anyone but her. “You seem like you're just waiting for a good time.”

“I, uh, I'm just here with a friend. A quick drink before we head out.” Sigyn stepped back, uncertain of the stranger. Her eyes cast about for Mantis, for any of her classmates, but this man had effectively blocked her line of sight.

“Then I will make this quick,” the stranger went on. “I'm Theoric. I'd like to buy you a drink, and in exchange for free beer you'll spend a few moments of your time talking to me.”

The man's forward nature surprised Sigyn. Unaccustomed to being approached by strangers, in this type of setting, no less, she let out a small, nervous laugh. “Why me?”

“Ah, see? You're already having fun,” Theoic coaxed. “Let's just say I have an eye for a good investment. Look, you're already planning to have one drink, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So what's the difference if I pay for it or you do?” Theoric tapped his wallet against the countertop. “Come on, just one drink, like you were going to have anyway.”

Unable to find a suitable argument, and at least intrigued by the newcomer's determination, Sigyn relented. “Okay. One drink wouldn't hurt, right?”

“That's the spirit!” Theoric caught the bartender's attention, and two full glasses were promptly in front of them. The deep, bitter taste filled her mouth, causing her to wince as she swallowed. This wasn't the type of drink she'd wanted, but Theoric hadn't asked. _I should have specified. _She thought. Too late now, she willed herself to finish.

“Anyway,” said Theoric after a long sip. “The least you could do is tell me your name right about now.”

“Sigyn.” Another sip. The heavy taste coated her mouth and tongue, which at least made getting through the rest of the glass easier.

“Pretty name for a pretty lady.”

Sigyn bit her lip. Theoric had charisma, for sure. He'd probably used this exact method on many, many other ladies before her, and would use it on many who came after. He'd forget her as soon as they parted ways. Still, as the heavy beer worked its way into her bloodstream and head, she realized she wanted to forget many things, even for a few hours. And so this arrangement didn't look so bad after all.

A few more sips later, a heady rush came over Sigyn that did nothing to quell the ache in her heart nor empty wasteland of her spirit. But at least now she didn't care. She let Theoric talk at her, tell her about his job at Crimson Hawk Financial, his fantasy sports league, his impressive collection of beer steins at his place...she laughed when he made a joke, even though his jokes weren't funny, let herself believe she enjoyed talking to him. Despite all his talking, he'd finished his glass within a few moments while Sigyn slowly nursed hers.

A tap on her shoulder tugged Sigyn away from her reverie. “Sigyn, the bus will be coming soon. We should go,” said Mantis, standing on tiptoe over Theoric's shoulder. “Are you ready?”

“Oh, right.” Sigyn shifted to get out of her barstool, which now seemed impossibly high up with her unsteady feet. “Nice to meet you Theoric, but I've got to-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Theoric put his arm up, blocking Sigyn's exit. He pointed to her glass, with a quarter of liquid still inside. “You promised me you'd stay for one drink. I've only gotten three-quarters of a drink from you. Do you usually make promises you don't plan to keep?”

“Well, no.”

“Then finish,” Theoric insisted. “One drink. Empty the glass, and keep your word.”

Mantis hopped up and around Theoric's bulk, attempting to reach Sigyn. “You do not have to finish. We should go or we'll be stuck for another hour.”

“You don't want to leave me yet, do you Sigyn?” Theoric cooed, shifting his weight to obscure Mantis. “If your friend here wants to leave, we're not stopping her. But you want a little adventure, right?” He draped his arm over Sigyn's shoulders.

Adventure. She wanted adventure. But she'd wanted it with Loki. Not this Theoric who'd swooped in. Yet were she to follow Mantis she'd be trapped alone with her thoughts. She still wasn't ready to face the dark solitude of night. She didn't need Loki to have an adventure. The rush in her head was a good start.

“I really ought to at least finish...” she mumbled.

“See?” Theoric grinned at Mantis. He rose, Sigyn firmly under his arm.

“Sigyn listen,” Mantis tried again. “You should not-”

Theoric waved her away. “Don't worry, I'll have her back in one piece.”

Mantis stood on her tiptoes, attempting to meet Sigyn's eyes. “Sigyn, are you sure-”

“Very sure,” Theoric replied with an eyeroll, turning himself and Sigyn from Mantis' view. Behind them, Mantis retreated. To Sigyn, he pointed at the unfinished glass. “Finish that up and we'll find somewhere more exciting.”

Sigyn swallowed down the last of the liquid, losing sight of Mantis as Theoric guided her out of the theater. They approached a silver BMW parked a few blocks down the street. “That's my ride,” Theoric boasted. “We'll get to that in a bit. Where to now?”

Swept in a tide of intoxication, Sigyn blinked as no options came to mind. The rapid chill of the night sent an unpleasant surge down her spine. “Erm...someplace...warm...with tea?”

“Warm, yes. Tea, no.” Theoric replied. “Let's try this place.” He lead her to another bar with a neon pegasus in the window. Sigyn recognized it as the same one where she and Loki had encountered Thor and his friends. When she'd defended them against their taunts. Silently she hoped they weren't here now, or that they wouldn't remember her if they were.

Theoric pushed through the door. The bar was not crowded, with only a handful of tables occupied. At the counter, Sigyn recognized the dark-haired woman as one of Thor's friends. She chatted with the bartender. Both their eyes were drawn to her and Theoric, though if either recognized Sigyn, they didn't show it.

The brisk walk had sharpened Sigyn's senses somewhat against the muddied sensation of alcohol in her system, and now Theoric's arm over her shoulders felt impossibly cumbersome.

“Can I just have some water?” Sigyn asked.

“Find us a seat,” Theoric said. “I'll take care of the this.”

Eager to be free of Theoric's weight over her, Sigyn located two empty chairs near the window. Her eyes cast over the dark streets at the funeral home just barely in view where she'd spotted Loki. She wondered why he'd been there, when he'd left. Perhaps she would have bumped into him if she'd left with Mantis, or right after the show. It didn't matter now.

Theoric returned. Another beer for himself and the water Sigyn asked for. In front of it he placed a shot glass of light brown liquid. “Snakebite. Just for you.”

Sigyn eyed the shot she hadn't asked for. Clearly Theoric thought this was a generous offering, but she'd never liked shots and suspected Theoric didn't want her sobering up so soon. She pushed the little glass aside, to Theoric's obvious dismay.

“I think I've had enough for tonight,” Sigyn said softly. “The water is fine.”

Theoric shrugged, attention on his glass. Between gulps he kept talking. Sigyn nodded politely, moving her legs out of reach when he'd tried to place a hand on her knee. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the dark-haired woman and the bartender looking over at her from time to time. Maybe they did remember. She hated to think of what they must think of her now. How did she look to them? What conclusions were they drawing about her?

“All done with the bar?” Theoric moved in closer. He'd finished his drink some time ago and only just noticed Sigyn's wandering attention. “Why don't I take you back to my place? We can...finish up there.”

“Actually, I'm feeling a little tired,” Sigyn managed gently. Her head started to clear, and as her mind caught up with where she was, she'd realized how little she enjoyed his company. How much fun she wasn't having. “I think I'd like to go home. If you can take me? Even to the bus line, maybe? It's a bit far to walk-”

“Alright,” Theoric drawled. “We can go to your place. If those roommates don't mind a little late night visitor.”

Sigyn's throat went dry. She had no desire for what Theoric clearly envisioned. He'd gotten her this far, and only now had she found her backbone under his persistence.

“There won't be a late night visitor,” she replied as gently as she could. “Only me.”

Theoric blinked in disbelief. “What?”

“I'm sorry, I'm just not-”

Theoric huffed, leaning back in his seat. “Alright. Fine. I'll give you a ride.” He rose. “Just uh...gotta use the restroom real quick.” He departed in the direction of the men's room, disappearing down the hall out of view.

Sigyn waited. She peered down the hall. Still no sign of Theoric. She poked at her half-finished water, glancing around the bar. More stools were empty than seated, and most of the regulars had left. Only the bartender, the bouncer, and the dark-haired woman remained. She checked her phone, pushing aside several texts from Darcy, and checked the time. Almost midnight.

Still no Theoric.

What was taking so long? She didn't look forward to spending more time with him, but she needed to get home. Hopefully he'd simply drop her off and not push her further.

Assuming he actually took her home like he'd said.

Dread needled at her. Whether she found Theoric or not, her ability to get home diminished with each passing minute. At this hour a number of bus lines stopped running for the night, and those that were still in service only came by once an hour as fewer commuters boarded. She couldn't afford a taxi or an Uber, and doubted Darcy would be awake by now. Even if she where, it would be take the better part of an hour before she'd be here.

“Dammit,” Sigyn cursed, painfully aware of her foolishness now that she'd sobered up. She didn't even like Theoric. She'd just wanted to forget her heartache, that was all. She'd told herself it was just a few hours with someone new, that was all. She told herself she was fine with being forgotten the next day. That it was okay with her if he didn't care. Now she was at the mercy of an uncaring man's whims.

She stood, the alcohol wearing off enough so that her feet were steady under her, and made her way toward the hallway, poking her head down to see the men's room.

The bouncer, standing near the back wall, turned over. “Hey Miss. You lose something?”

“Did...did you happen to see a guy go into the men's room?” Sigyn asked. “I mean, about 15 minutes ago? Big, muscular, slicked back dark hair?”

“Yeah, no,” said the bouncer. “I saw him go down the back way, right out that exit door there.” He pointed to the exit doors behind the restrooms. “He's gone.”

Sigyn rushed past the bouncer, pushing the exit door open and peering out at the parked cars along the street. The sight confirmed the worst. Sure enough, Theoric's silver BMW was nowhere to be seen. He'd left her.

“No.” Sigyn whimpered, closing the door. Panic seized her. She stumbled back into the bar room, gripping the edge of the table where she'd been seated. Alone, abandoned in a part of town she didn't know, and no way home. The bar wouldn't be open all night, and she had no idea where she'd go once it did.

_All because I wouldn't sleep with him. That's all he saw in me._ Maybe that was the only reason Theoric even approached her. He figured she'd be easy to manipulate, and she'd fallen for it. Again.

_Is that all I am? _The thought took the air from her chest. All this time she thought she knew love, only to find herself discarded. If even Loki never cared for her, why should a relative stranger see her as anything worth a damn? Why would she think he'd care enough to drive her home if he wasn't getting sex out of it? She closed her eyes and dropped her head in her hands. Mantis had seen it too-that no one cared about her. She felt sick and forgotten and cold.

“Hey.” Sigyn raised her head to find the dark-haired woman standing before her. She held up her keys. “Need a lift? Let's go.”

Sigyn hesitated. All she knew about this woman was that she was friends with Loki's brother. Hell, she knew more about Theoric than the woman offering her a ride. She'd already placed her trust in one stranger tonight, ignoring her better instincts just to feel something other than misery. Hadn't she learned her lesson?

“It's okay,” said the woman. “I know the guy you were with left you. We-” she nodded her head in the direction of the bartender- “couldn't help but notice you didn't seem comfortable with him.”

“You've been on the verge of tears since you got here,” said the bartender as she wiped down the counter. “Pretty obvious you weren't down for whatever he had in mind. I can vouch for Sif. She'll get you home.”

Rock bottom, out of options, exhausted, and eager to get back to her bed, Sigyn nodded. Meekly, she followed Sif out of the bar and back into the night. They walked around the block, Sif unlocking the car door and allowing Sigyn inside.

“Where's home?”

Sigyn told her the neighborhood and best route to get there. They drove off, Sif taking the directions while Sigyn leaned her head against the window.

“I-I'm not normally like this,” Sigyn said as they drove along the sparse streets. She didn't owe her an explanation, but as she sobered, she thought of herself through the other woman's eyes, how pathetic she must have looked. “I don't...go off with strangers, usually. I don't know how it happened.”

“Even if you were,” said Sif. “You did not deserve to be abandoned like that.”

“I can think of at least two people who would disagree,” Sigyn groused.

“To hell with them. You deserve respect.”

She wondered Sif recalled their first meeting, when Sigyn stood side-by-side with Loki and defended him without a second though. She silently prayed that Sif wouldn't mention it if she did.

Sif said nothing more, and Sigyn's embarrassment over her behavior over the past few hours kept her quiet, aside from giving Sif directions. She dreaded seeing Mantis after choosing Theoric over her. Mantis tried so hard to look after her, and Sigyn ignored her in favor of the first person who spared a glance in her direction. She was a terrible friend. She hated herself all the more for her stupidity.

“Which house is it?” Sif asked as they neared the stop sign before Sigyn's building.

“The big brownstone on the right. You can drop me off here.”

Sif took her to the front entrance, flicking on her car's flashers. “Take care,” she said, unlocking the doors. “I'll stay until you're inside.”

“Thank you, Sif. Truly.” Sigyn slid out of the passenger seat, and up the steps. As promised, Sif's care remained until Sigyn closed the front door.

“There you are!” Darcy cried when Sigyn at last made it back to their apartment. She'd pacing along the living room while Mantis- brow knotted with worry- sat on the ottoman, eyes on her phone. “We've been worried sick! Do you just not answer your phone anymore?”

“I...” Sigyn's words caught in her throat. Low as her spirits were, she had no energy left to explain her whereabouts, or what Theoric had done.

“Mantis said you got kidnapped by some dude or something and I kept texting,” Darcy went on. “I was ready to make 'Have You Seen Me' posters and everything.”

She broke. She crumpled into the futon in a messy mix of relief, guilt, loneliness, and grief. A sob heaved out from her chest.

“I'm sorry!” she cried. “I...I don't...know...”

“Dude, it's okay!” Darcy replied. “We just got a little worried. Didn't know where you were.”

“He...he left me,” Sigyn cried. “...just wanted to forget everything...I said I didn't want to sleep with him and he...he snuck out of the bar without me.”

“What a dick!” Darcy paced down the hallway. “Did you get a name? Address? I'm tasing his ass.”

“How did you get home?” Mantis asked.

“A lady there dropped me off."

“You could've called.” Darcy had, for now, given up on the taser and returned to the living room. “You know I would have picked you up.”

Sif. Darcy. Mantis. No matter what someone would have had to bail out Sigyn. Come to her rescue. Save her from herself. Someone would have to clean up the mess Sigyn had made herself. She wasn't always like this. What the hell had happened to her? “I...I'm such a burden...”

“You are not,” Mantis said quietly. “You are our friend.”

Mantis' kind reassurance only redoubled Sigyn's guilt over choosing to leave with Theoric instead of her friend. She never should have let him coax her away. She should have listened.

“Mantis, I'm sorry I left you,” Sigyn said softly. “What did you see in him that I missed?”

“He wouldn't let you talk. He pushed you away from me,” said Mantis. “It was not right.”

Sigyn closed her eyes, humiliated. Her predicament obvious to everyone but her, and she'd carried on pretending it was what she'd wanted. “I'm an imbecile.”

“No,” Darcy replied gently. “You're just sad. And a little drunk. It happens.”

“That's not all,” Sigyn sighed. “Before the show I saw _him_. Loki.”

Darcy and Mantis exchanged looks. “Where?”

“Across the street. At the funeral parlor. He looked right me. Then turned away. Like I was nothing. No one.” The look on his face just before he closed the curtain flashed before her. “I...I've been trying _so hard_ to get over him. To stop being so damn sad all the time..and it's not working. Nothing helps. And he...he's just fine without me, moving right along while I'm miserable. I'm needy. I'm pathetic!”

As she broke again, Sigyn felt herself being embraced on all sides. She let herself go limp, firmly held up by Mantis and Darcy. In that moment, she discovered one more thing she'd been wrong about: People did care about her. The realization didn't make the pain lessen, but it did make her feel less alone.

“You're not pathetic,” said Darcy after a moment. “Want me to taser him for you?”

“No,” Sigyn sighed, the heaviness of her heart giving way to profound exhaustion. “How long do I have to feel this way?”

“It will pass.” Mantis said quietly. “For now try to sleep. And be kinder to yourself.”

*

“Alright, Lokes.” Quill jotted down a few notes on the huge mess of paper detailing the repairs and slid over the keys. “Sign right at the bottom here and you're good to go.”

Loki swiped the pen over the highlighted section, collecting the keys and papers. He'd gotten the call earlier that day that the Jaguar was finally fixed, and set about returning the rental and picking up his old car. His phone vibrated in his pants pocket again- probably Thor, who'd been messaging him almost all morning, though Loki was in no mood to dragged into whatever new skirmish his brother had started. He'd ignored the incessant vibrations. He had problems of his own, after all.

“Oh,” said Quill. “And if you could like, hit us up on Yelp or whatever, let the world know how awesome the Car-Lord is, that'd be super rad. Could really use some more stars.”

“Just for calling me 'Lokes' you're getting one star,” Loki retorted before taking his leave.

Outside, around the parking lot behind the garage, he found the Jaguar. The dents smoothed out, damaged parts replaced, and scratches vanished. It was even washed and the interior vacuumed.

Okay fine.

Loki would give three stars.

As Loki moved the plastic covers off the floor mats, the memory of Valentines' Day hit him. Sigyn. How beautiful she looked. How much he wanted to please her. Inviting her to the accursed ski retreat, so presumptuous that he'd be partner. The sudden loud thud. The loss of control. Impact. Waking to find her there by his side. She'd stayed with him. She made the call for help. She never blamed him for endangering her. She'd just wanted to be with him.

A deep longing overcame him as he stared at the empty passenger seat. His phone buzzed again. He reached into his pocket, dismissing the notifications and pulled up Sigyn's name from the contacts. His thumb hovered over the dial icon.

Sigyn had always turned her phone off during her classes, and the reception in the old stacks at the university library was spotty enough that she did not always see his texts right away while she was working. Right now, she was likely at her Information Ethics class, but not quite on break yet. He stared at the her name until his thumb pressed the call button. He sighed in a mix of disappointment and relief when the voicemail instantly clicked in.

_Hi, you've reached Sigyn! I'm not here right now but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message I'll get back to you just as soon as I can. Bye! _

Loki hung up at the sound of the beep, for what could he say to her? What did he want her to say to him? For now, the tinny recorded sound of her voice, though not enough, would do.

The phone buzzed again, this time with Frigga's name appearing on the screen.

“And now this one,” Loki grunted, grudgingly answering. “Yes, Mother?”

“Loki...” his mother's normally pleasant, diplomatic tone was replaced by the desperate plea she only used when something was gravely wrong. “Come quickly. It's...it's your father.”


	19. Frailty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is sent reeling when tragedy strikes the house of Odin.

Thor pulled his truck into the free space in his parent's massive driveway. He hopped out of the truck, unlatching the flatbed, and sliding out the antique coffee table he'd finished refurbishing. Once belonging to Frigga's grandfather, it had sat in the basement for years before Thor had come upon it. He'd offered to restore it both as a favor to Frigga and as a challenge in working with something much more delicate than a typical construction job. It hadn't been an easy process, but he was pleased with how the table turned out. A symbol that he, too, could be gentle, patient, and had an eye for details. He carefully unloaded the table, rolling out the dolley and making his way up to the entrance of the house.

“It's beautiful, Thor!” Frigga said warmly as Thor pulled the dolley into place, unveiling the newly-finished coffee table.

“Thank you,” Thor beamed at his work. “If you have any more relics in need of retouching, I'd be happy to try.”

“Ah, I knew you'd share my interest in antiques eventually,” said Frigga. She loved visiting antique shops, sometimes bringing Thor and Loki along when they were young to galleries and boutiques far outside the city. Only Loki really took to such trips; as a boy Thor had no patience for stores filled with old, breakable things he wasn't allowed to play with and clerks who scolded him for running. He'd hated wasting a perfectly good Saturday on a long car ride at some boring, stuffy old shop while Loki and Frigga ignored him in favor of studying outdated wares. Eventually, Frigga and Loki went by themselves, much to Thor's relief.

“I suppose I've developed an appreciation for things designed to stand the test of time after working in construction,” Thor said. “I admire quality craftsmanship.”

“You ought to spend less time admiring and more time leading,” Odin groused as he shuffled into the living room on his way to the kitchen. “Such hobbies are no substitute for embracing one's true purpose.”

“Father I have found my purpose-” Thor began but was silenced by Frigga's firm grasp on his arm.

“Be extra kind. He's been in a mood these last few days,” Frigga implored quietly. “He hasn't been well.”

Ahead of them, Odin stood in the kitchen, a strange haze over his eyes. As though he were uncertain where he was or why he'd gone there.

“Shall I prepare some coffee? You can stay for a bit?” Frigga asked, more loudly once they'd reached Odin. At her voice, Odin seemed to snap out of his trance.

Thor took a seat by his father, waiting another lecture on the importance of taking over Asgard Properties, ready to defend his choice of career once again. But Odin said nothing, the confused glaze back over his eyes. Across the kitchen's expanse, Frigga readied the coffee pot. It hissed and sputtered, a slow, thin drip of hot brown liquid into the carafe. Thor realized they'd had that exact same pot since he could remember, and its age showed in the tarnished finished and bulky design.

“You know you can get a new one for like 20 bucks,” Thor remarked.

“Why?” said Odin, lucid again. “It works fine. Admire it's craf-...” The confused look returned. “It's...cr...it's...”

“Father?”

If Odin could respond, his words were jumbled as he tried to stand, only to collapse on the floor. Thor heard the shatter of the coffee pot as Frigga flew to his side. “Odin? Odin!”

*

Loki arrived at the hospital, noting he'd been there far too frequently over the last few months, and found Thor seated outside Odin's room, while Frigga spoke to the physicians, right by her husband's side. Not ready to accept the scared, grieving, anxious child role that clawed in his gut, he forced his posture, his face, his movements into the calm, collected next-of-kin ready to handle the family affairs. A position never intended for him, but if he willed himself into believing he could handle it.

“So you do answer your phone,” Thor huffed. “Just not for me.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Did you contact Hela?”

“No. Why?”

“Don't you think we ought to?”

Thor folded his arms over his chest. “_Someone_ should, I guess.”

Loki scoffed. “And somehow _I'm_ the difficult one,” he muttered under his breath.

The door opened behind them. The doctor emerged, clipboard in hand. “You are the sons?” At Loki's brief nod, he began explaining everything.

A stroke. A severe one, likely set in motion several days for the collapse judging by the tests they'd run. Though they could keep Odin comfortable, there was unfortunately little hope for a recovery, he was so sorry. Did Odin ever express any end of life wishes?

Loki listened to the doctor go on further, numb to his core and his mind shut off from comprehension. Odin, the only father figure he ever knew, the distant, indomitable shadow of his childhood, now lay dying on the other side of the wall. A moment he always knew would come one day, but it seemed that day would be very soon. And he was ill-prepared to face it.

“You can come see him now, if you're ready,” the doctor concluded. “A nurse will be along shortly.”

If Odin had ever taken a sick day, had any type of chronic medical condition, or even a cold, Loki could not recall. He'd had some sort of minor heart surgery back when Loki and Thor were in high school, although Loki did not discover this until nearly two years after. So determined to keep his sons from knowing anything was amiss, he and Frigga had sent Thor and Loki to Disneyworld with Sif's family during the week the procedure was to take place. They'd returned none the wiser. It was vanity, though Odin would call it a display of strength. So keen on preserving his image of the omnipotent, larger-than-life patriarch and shrewd businessman, Odin fought away any signs of weakness. Any hint of frailty threatened his power, and so he hid any and every sign that he might succumb to old age and death just as anyone else.

Now, the sight of Odin - clad only in a pale blue hospital gown, unconscious, feeble, at the mercy of the many machines surrounding him- proved to Loki just how wrong he'd been in his perception of omniscient, infallible Odin. The sight of his frail form slammed up against the grand image built up in Loki's mind, and the impact left him reeling. Blood drained from his face. His knees weakened. His stomach roiled. Paralyzed in the doorway, he watched a tearful Frigga and Thor take their places on either side of the bed. Odin's prized family. There was no place for Loki by that bed or in that room.

His feet would take him no further, and so he backed away, down the hall. All around, the hospital took on a surreal tone, as though he'd entered some strange new world, one without Odin. One where he wouldn't speak to him again, one where he would be a person without two living parents. Short of a miracle recovery, and he was far too pragmatic to lay his hopes on such a fanciful outcome, a pillar of his life was crumbling away.

He sat in the lobby, eyes casting over the gray, cold skyline of the city. No longer winter, the atmosphere still wasn't ready for warmth, and so the cold lingered, bringing with it the constant threat of rain.

Odin was dying. His distant, impossible-to-please, never satisfied, controlling, perpetually disappointed guardian was dying. They'd never been close. Loki resigned himself long ago to never making Odin proud. The harder he'd tried, the more Odin withdrew. He'd accepted that Odin would never love him, that he was no more than another successful acquisition in his empire.

Why then, did this news shake him so profoundly?

His thoughts were interrupting by Thor looming beside him. He looked up to find his brother standing by the empty chair next to his, two Styrofoam cups of steaming coffee in his hands. He placed one in front of Loki before taking a seat, his eyes bloodshot.

“I contacted Hela,” Thor said softy.

“Mmm.”

The brothers sat in silence. Loki studied the view out of the window while Thor stared ahead, elbows resting on his knees.

After a long while, Thor shifted.

“You should go in there,” he said. “And see him.”

“I'm fine.”

“He is dying, Loki. You need to spend time with your father.”

Loki grimaced. Odin would not want to spend his last moments with his least favorite progeny. He doubted Odin would even realize Loki wasn't there. He didn't notice Loki when he was healthy and lucid, why would now be any different? Why was he even here?

“He is _your _father, Thor.”

“You need to make amends.”

“_I_ need to make amends?” Loki scoffed.

“Yes,” Thor insisted. “Before he passes.”

Loki didn't bother to hide his eye roll. Contending with Odin's impending death was hard enough without Thor deciding he knew what was best. What did Thor know of Loki's feelings toward Odin? Thor never grew up questioning if his father really loved him. He never doubted his place in the family. He was never the perpetual disappointment. Of course Thor would think the fractures between Loki and Odin were all Loki's doing. Thor never understood him, and he wasn't about to now.

“Why are you being so callous!” Thor bellowed, jumping to his feet. “Can't you see I'm trying to help you?”

“Then stop _helping_ me!” Loki snapped, rising. “I never asked for your help!”

The outburst caused a few stares in their direction. Loki took a few breaths before leaving, striding down the hall and into the bank of elevators. His heart raced, not from the physical exertion, but the old strain of his family wearing him down.

His pressed the down button in front of the elevators, but when one finally opened, he paused. Where was he going? Back to the condo? To work? Should he stay where he didn't belong? What if Frigga needed him? What if Thor didn't know how to handle Odin's affairs? He lingered before the opened doors before they closed, making his decision for him. He skulked back down the hall, knowing he wouldn't be able to bring himself to sit by Odin's side, haunting the lobby like a lost specter. What he needed now, no one at this sterile, too-bright hospital could provide. His mind filled with the name of the only sould who could help him:

Sigyn.

Sigyn would know what to say to him.

Sigyn would know how to listen to him.

Sigyn would know how to comfort him.

All his willpower, his facades, his stubborn pride crumbled away, leaving only a dire need- for her voice, her touch, her presence. With a trembling hand, he reached for his phone, pressing her number, paying to attention to the day or time. The ringing began.

When the voicemail clicked on, he nearly broke. But he'd waited too long to hang up, as the beep sounded and several seconds passed.

“Sigyn,” Loki struggled to find the words. “My-my father is...dying. I'm falling apart. I need you. Please.” His nerve failed, though his thoughts were far from complete. He hung up, suddenly exhausted.

_She's not coming back to me. _

_I am alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will turn up for Loki and Sigyn, I swear!


	20. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn has a tough decision to make. Will a visit home help clear her head?

“So do you have any idea what the occasion is? Cyn seemed like she was hiding something when I talked to her.” Sigyn asked as Idunn pulled out of the parking lot near the Possum Pines bus stop. They drove down the familiar streets towards their father's home. A few days ago they'd been invited to dinner by Cynthia, their father's girlfriend, and so right after work Sigyn took the 28 Airport Flyer bus, the only line that went all the way out to her hometown, hopping off at the mall where Idunn picked her up.

“No idea. I just got the usual 'don't bring anything, it's all very informal' stuff,” said Idunn as they neared the traffic light leading out to the main roads. Once one of the busiest intersections in the small town, Sigyn noted little reason for it to exist now as they waited for a green light while no opposing traffic passed_._ Even more storefronts stood empty from when she'd been here last, including the Sears that had once anchored the southern wing, closing just after Christmas. Even fewer cars were parked in lot despite it being an early Saturday evening.

“By the way,” said Idunn. “I love the lotion you got me. That's the brand from the Willow-the-Wisp spa up at that ski resort, right?”

Sigyn bit her lip. “Um, yes. Glad you like it.”

“Since when do you go to ski resorts?”

“School trip. Little weekend event for the library students,” Sigyn replied quickly. She was in no mood to rehash the events of the ski retreat or the aftermath, even though she relived them in her mind every day.

_Loki. _She still hadn't replied back to him, even though she'd saved his voicemail. Her heart wrenched at the sound of his voice, yet she had no idea what he wanted from her, or if she wanted to give it to him. He'd hurt her. He took his anger at being passed over out on her. He blamed her. He left her heartbroken and miserable. And then had the gall to call her out of nowhere. He didn't deserve whatever he wanted from her.

All the time spent wishing, hoping he'd reach out to her, imaging either taking him back, making him beg for forgiveness, or telling him off and kicking him out of her life for good. She imagined all manner of scenarios should he contact her, and now he had. Yet she did not know what she wanted to say to him, if anything.

She should be angry, and part of her was. She should call him right back and tell him she didn't care what he was going through, they were done, hop in bed with someone who gives a damn, etc. But the pain in his voice, his uncharacteristic fearfulness...she wanted more than anything to let him rest in her arms, comfort him, let him now it was going to be alright. Angry as she wanted to be, she loved him too damn much. She didn't want him to suffer. This was madness.

The modest Cape Cod home on the corner of their childhood street came into view. Seeing it for the first time since she'd moved out, Sigyn realized how badly she missed it. Her old home, the feeling of belonging. As she and Idunn walked up the front steps, Sigyn spotted what looked like a small garden near the backyard, though nothing had sprouted yet. A new addition since she'd left.

They opened the front door, finding it unlocked, and were promptly greeted by three long snouts and wet noses. Cynthia fostered retired greyhounds, and since moving in with their father, new dogs came in and out almost constantly as she worked with them.

“You three must be new,” Sigyn chuckled as the trio of greyhounds sniffed at her. She patted their heads until the one on her right stood on its hind legs, leaning against her shoulder to lick her face, nearly knocking her over.

“Spock, down!” Cynthia called as she bounded across the living room from the kitchen. “Sorry, he's still learning his manners.” She coaxed Spock down off of Sigyn before embracing the two girls.

“How are you girls?” Cynthia asked, her warm brown eyes shining. “It's so good to see you. Come, let me get your coats. Anything to drink? Walt will up be shortly.”

The last time Sigyn had been here, it was Thanksgiving. Before the jewelry store, before Loki. Before everything that came after Loki. Before her heart shattered. Standing in the foyer of her childhood home, with the comfortable, familiar furnishings, the scent of dinner cooking over by the stove, the Bruce Springsteen CD playing on the stereo, surrounded by her family, Sigyn realized just how much she'd missed being here. Much as she loved her new independence, her roommates, and the apartment, there was something about _home,_ the place where she belonged, where she felt safe, that she needed right now.

“Things are good,” Sigyn replied with a cheeriness she hadn't felt in awhile. “School is going well.”

“Wonderful!” Cynthia smiled as she brought their coats to the closet while the trio of greyhounds vied for Idunn and Sigyn's attention. She went into the kitchen, checking on the pans on the stovetop and peeking in the over before heading over to the refrigerator and pulling out a pitcher of pink liquid.

“You girls still love strawberry lemonade, right?” she asked, filling two glasses. “We made it special.”

Sigyn readily accepted her glass, sitting down on the big brown sofa, now worn from so many years of use, while Spock sat in front of her, looking hopeful. Sigyn scratched behind his ear, drawing an appreciative tail wag. When she drew her hand back, the greyhound pawed at her knee until she resumed her ministrations. She watched Cynthia finish dinner preparations, turning down Idunn's offer of help as she usually did. Sigyn detected an undercurrent of excitement in Cynthia, as though there were some secret on the verge of spilling out. Sigyn wanted to know more than ever the true purpose for the dinner gathering, but kept quiet.

Walt, Sigyn and Idunn's father, emerged from the lower level. Two of the greyhounds bounded over to greet him.

“No, you two aren't the ones I came up here to see,” he said, though he patted their heads. “I came to see _those_ two-”

Idunn and Sigyn rushed over to their father. The three quickly found themselves in a group hug.

“Good to see you, girls!” Walt said, grinning. “How have you been?”

Not long after, the four sat down to dinner. Sigyn took her usual spot near the window, next to Idunn. They feasted on the organic, free-range chicken and locally-sourced roast vegetables Cynthia favored alongside the corn pudding and biscuits that Walt grew up with. Sigyn listened to the idle chatter, poking at her plate with her fork, waiting to hear what Walt and Cynthia had to tell them.

A soft nudge at her leg caught her attention. Spock had returned to her side, looking up from under the table with pleading, hopeful eyes.

“I see you've made a new friend, Sig,” Cynthia remarked.

“You know, he will need a home if you have space in your apartment,” Walt added with a wink. “Sneak him right in.”

“My roommate Mantis is afraid of bigger dogs,” Sigyn replied, giving Spock another affectionate pat. “Otherwise I'd love to.”

Towards the end of the dinner, Walt and Cynthia exchanged a rather pointed look. Cynthia nodded slight, and Walt cleared his throat.

“Well, girls,” he began. “This isn't just a random dinner party. We invited you over because we had something we wanted to share with you two.”

Sigyn and Idunn went quiet, patiently waiting to hear the news.

“Cyn and I have been talking more about where things are going with our future, and over Valentine's Day we decided...well, maybe we ought to show them, huh?”

On queue, Cynthia reached into her pocket, pulling out a small, thin ring and placed on her left ring finger with a bashful smile.

“We're engaged.”

Idunn squeaked and clapped her hands. “I'm so happy! Dad, I'm so glad you went for it!” She sprung out of her chair, startling the greyhounds, and bounded around the table to hug Walt and Cynthia.

“We're gonna make a bigger announcement, but we wanted to tell you two first,” Walt explained. “But we decided it we were willing to give the whole marriage thing another try.”

“Oh!” was all Sigyn could manage at first. Surprise, more than anything, kept her in her seat. She liked Cynthia a lot, but never imagined her father wanting to marry again. He'd been single right up until Sigyn graduated from high school, and even then had to be coaxed out of the house once the nest was empty. He'd met Cynthia at a Second Chance Singles meetup not long after Sigyn went away for undergrad, and neither seemed to be in a big hurry for commitment. It seemed her father had finally found happiness again, after all. And wasn't that worth celebrating?

“Congratulations!” She said as she came over to join the round of hugs once the initial surprise subsided.

Once they'd finished, they set about clearing up the table, with Idunn inundating Cynthia with questions about the impending nuptials while Sigyn loaded up the dishwasher.

“Oh, we've both been there, done that,” Cynthia said now. “We're going very small, very informal. Quick ceremony in the park and a little celebrating after.”

Sigyn dried the last of dishes, the slipped down the hall towards the bathroom. As she washed up, she thought of Loki, wondering what was happening right now, with him, with his father. She checked her phone. He hadn't tried to contact her since last night's message. She wasn't sure if she ought to be relieved or disappointed.

She emerged, wandering into her childhood bedroom at the end of the hall. It looked almost the same as it did the day she moved out, only with far fewer of her things in it. Most of her belongings she'd either taken with her, or put in donation bins outside the grocery store. What remained was either too sentimental to take yet, or too impractical for her small apartment. The pale, buttery yellow paint remained, but a Cynthia's sewing machine had been set up on the empty desk, and her yoga mat placed on the carpet.

Ginger, the red panda plush that had been her favorite childhood toy, sat on top of the sunflower bedspread, like an old friend awaiting her return. Sigyn sat on the bed, stroking Ginger's little plush fur.

She sighed, here in the space where she'd grown up, feeling more lost. This really wasn't her home anymore. But neither was the apartment. It didn't belong to her. She just paid someone money to keep her things there and sleep in it. She wouldn't be there forever. She might not even be there next year.

Things were changing so fast. She'd quit her old job, moved out, gone back to school, found love, lost love, and now was getting a stepmom, of a sorts.

_Dad struggled for so long. I should be overjoyed. _She was happy for them. Yet she'd been so worn out lately she couldn't muster the enthusiasm she wanted to have over their good news. It only reminded her of what she'd lost.

She'd long believed that everyone had a person. Someone who truly understood them, who loved them, who accepted them as they were. The one who made them feel at home. Who fit them like no one else. Some people found their person right away. Others took longer. Growing up, she often wonder where her person was, and what they were doing at that very moment, and when they'd meet.

She thought Loki was her person. She'd been wrong.

Maybe she didn't have a person.

Maybe one day she'd find her real person, but it wouldn't be him.

Somehow, that hurt worse.

A soft knock on the door pulled Sigyn from her reverie. Walt stood in the doorway.

“Catching up with Ginger?” he asked.

“I thought about taking her with me when I moved, but I was afraid my roommates would make fun of me.”

“Are they treating you well?”

“Oh, they're great,” Sigyn smiled. “They're really good friends of mine now. I just didn't know what they would be like last fall.”

“Well, Ginger will be right here until you're ready to take her with you,” Walt replied. “We're getting ready to have pie. Banana cream. And Cyn wants to know if you want tea. Coming?”

“Yeah. I'll be out.”

Walt tilted his head. “Everything okay? You've been quiet tonight.”

“Yeah, I'm fine. I'm really happy for you guys.”

Walt sat next to her on the bed. “You know, after...the divorce and all the fallout, I told myself I'd never marry again. I never wanted to let anyone get close enough to destroy me like Diane did.”

Sigyn winced at her mother's name. A pang of guilt by association.

“But, I got tired of feeling that way. It takes a lot of you, keeping the guard up all the time.”

“How did you stop feeling that way?” Sigyn asked.

Walt shrugged. “Time. Ditching old habits. Finding new hobbies. And, eventually, forgiving Diane.”

Sigyn turned. “You forgave her? Why?”

Walt didn't answer right away. He furrowed his brow while Sigyn thought over all her memories of the infidelity revelation, the messy fallout, Sigyn's life being torn in two.

“I never hated your mom,” Walt began. “I was hurt. I was angry. I was heartbroken. But I never hated her, or wished her ill, even though there were times when I wanted to. Diane isn't evil. She's a decent woman who made a terrible choice. I'll always wish she hadn't cheated on me, I'll always wish she'd just talked to me, but I can't control that.”

“She hurt us...she hurt all of us,” Sigyn said softly. Her memories of that ugly time in her life simmered, tearing fresh new wounds on her fragile psyche. She couldn't imagine being setting her eyes on her mother again, let alone speaking to her.

Walt put his arm over his daughter. “I know, Sig. And I don't expect you to forgive her. You're an adult, you decide who you want in your life. But for what it's worth, I didn't forgive Diane for her sake. I forgave her for _me._ Because I was ready to.”

“So you two...talk now?”

“We've exchanged pleasantries. Not long conversations. But that's what works for us.”

“Hmm.” Sigyn could not imagine her parents exchanging anything pleasant after the stilted, lawyer-charged conversations of her youth. It happened over a decade ago, yet the shock never quite went away, as though time froze around those long years. But life went on, even the small girl she'd been grew up. New relationships came, some went, others lasted. Wounds healed.

“Dad, how did you know? When you were ready to forgive her?”

“Hard to explain,” said Walt. “It's a gut feeling. You just know when it's right. When the pain isn't there anymore. When it feels like something that will help you move on. When holding the anger is more trouble than it's worth.” He looked down at his daughter. “But...something tells me this isn't entirely about your mother.”

Sigyn started. She'd tried so hard to conceal her heartache, yet her father knew her far too well. Of course he'd seen past her facade. It was one she'd tried for years. But who better to confide in than the one person who could understand what she'd been through?

“I was...seeing someone,” Sigyn confessed. Walt's eyebrows raised but he let her go on. “But he broke up with me not long ago out of nowhere. All because he lost a promotion. He said he didn't want to see me anymore, but last night he called me. His dad is dying and he wants...well, I'm not sure. He just said he needs me. I don't know what to do now.”

“You think he might need your support? Or he wants to get back together?”

“Does it matter? I've been hurting nonstop since he dumped me. I...I can't just forgive someone after they hurt me, right?”

Walt shrugged. “Can you?”

“What if he hurts me again? What if after his dad passes he decides he doesn't want me back after all?” Sigyn shook her head. “I'd be an idiot for trusting him.”

“You wouldn't be an idiot, Sig,” Walt replied. “You'd be a person who gave someone you cared about a second chance because you decided they were worth the risk. You'd be showing up to support someone who said they needed you because you didn't want to see them hurt. That's not idiocy. That's compassion. That's loving.”

Sigyn shook her head. “I can hear everyone saying 'I told you so' if he were to abandon me. I hear everyone's voices telling me it's a bad idea to contact him. Not to expect any sympathy if he hurts me.”

Walt furrowed his brow. “Who told you that?”

“No one,” Sigyn admitted. “I haven't actually told anyone else about the message.”

“Well, it would be very easy for someone else to say that,” said Walt. “After all, they're not dealing with this. You are. I think the real question is, do _you_ want this guy-”

“Loki.”

“Do you want this Loki back in your life? No one else can answer that except for you.”

“How do I decide that?” Sigyn yearned to be near Loki again, but their last conversation never stopped echoing in her mind. It wasn't just his unfair blame and unkind words, but how abrupt and unexpected his turn had been. Fragile as she'd been ever since, she questioned if her heart could handle another such betrayal. Could she really put her psyche at risk again?

“A second chance is always a risk, Sig. And the thing about risks is, you don't always know if they'll pay off.” Walt mused. “Did he make you happy? Was he good to you?”

Sigyn took a breath. “When we were together, it was the happiest I'd been in years. Maybe ever. We-we even said we loved each other. And I did-I do- love him. That's why the break up was such a shock,” -tears were coming again- “I..I miss him a lot.”

“Oh, Sig,” Walt pulled his daughter into a warm hug, the kind that always made her feel that things were going to be okay after all. “I'm sorry you've been going through this. I'd been hoping to see you happy since you went back to school.”

“I am happy, Dad,” Sigyn said as they parted. “I like my friends, my classes, even my job. And Loki...he made things so much better. He really isn't a bad person. I just don't understand _why_ he did it.”

“Bruised ego? Misplaced blame? Powerless anger?” Walt suggested. “We could speculate all night, Sig, but the only person who can answer that is Loki. if you want to know what Loki wants, or needs from you, you'll only find out by talking to Loki. If that's what you want.”

Sigyn considered his words. What did she want? Did she want to talk to Loki again? Did she want to hear what he had to say? What if his words just made her feel worse? Could she forgive him? Could she support him? Even if he didn't want to get back together?

Was letting him back in a risk worth taking?

“You could also tell him to fuck right off, if you want,” Walt added with a slight chuckle.

Sigyn gave a small laugh. “No, I don't want to do that.”

A soft knock on the door. Idunn stood before them, her head tilted.

“Pie is served,” she said. “Everything okay?”

“We'll be right there,” Walt said with a quick wave. To Sigyn, he said “Nothing a little pie can't fix, right?”

Before they returned to the dining room, Walt gave Sigyn another hug. “Whatever you decide, I'm so proud of you.”

Sigyn rejoined her family at the table, where a slice of pie and cup of warm tea waited at her place at the table. She didn't have everything figured out, but at least now she knew what she was ready to do.


	21. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long-simmering family tensions come to light as Loki and Thor prepare for Odin's passing. But a comfort for Loki comes from an unexpected source.

Odin did make end-of-life arrangements, though he'd left almost the entire family out of the loop when it came to making them. According to the documents Loki found so far, he was to be transferred to home hospice, made comfortable, have his pain eased, until the moment came. And so they'd done as he wished, with a team of nurses flooding the house day and night, and Frigga steadfastly by Odin's side. For his part, Loki busied himself with the paperwork, dealing with estate attorneys he knew to consult, hospice administrators, and taking care of the household minutiae that would otherwise go undone. For Frigga. To ease her burdens.

Thor spent most of his time at the house, looking by turns lost, angry, and just plain blank. He wandered the halls, unsure what to do with himself, unable to stop the inevitable.

A notarized power of attorney form was needed, likely in Odin's office in his safe. Loki would need the code to the safe, but did not wish to bother Frigga. He rifled through Odin's desk, hoping to find it somewhere. He tugged against the drawers, finding most of them locked.

_Damn it, Odin_, Loki thought. He checked the other cabinets for a key, looking under crevices, between stacks of paper, inside envelopes.

His search was interrupted by Thor's boots storming into the office. The instant they made eye contact, Loki instinctively backed away from Thor's advance, recognizing the look in his brother's eyes.

“Going though our father's things?” Thor accused. “Seeing what you can get out of it?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Oh yes, brother. I've been dying to snatch this lovely paperweight for years.”

“He's not even dead yet and all you are about is what you can get out of it!” Thor boomed, grabbing Loki's shirt. “Don't you care?”

Loki stared Thor down, almost daring him to throw a fist. He'd grown accustomed to Thor's temper over the years- an explosion of anger, there in an instant and often gone as quickly, though not without collateral damage its wake.

“What makes you think I'm getting anything out of this?” Loki hissed back. He shoved Thor away. “You think I haven't got other things to do?”

“Then why are you even here?” Thor shouted. “You won't spend time with Father, you steal his things, you don't even love him!”

At this, Loki picked up the paperweight and pushed it into Thor's chest. “I'm _stealing _a notarized power of attorney that Frigga needs prove her decision-making authority for your father,” he snapped. “If you happen to find whilst you are skulking about, I'm sure it would help her have fewer tearful conversations with bureaucrats all day along. I shall leave you to it.”

Loki took off down the hall, determined to get in the car and be on his way. Thor was not incorrect, he didn't need to be here. He had no reason to sort out paperwork- no one asked him to, Odin probably had associates of his own, he had actual cases requiring his attention- nor was he wanted. So to hell with Thor. With Odin. With this damned waiting game. Yet Thor managed to cut him to the core, even as he denied the way his brother's words agitated him. He wasn't even surprised, just weary. The accusations, the assumptions, the utter pointlessness of trying to defend himself against another tirade. Why did it always come to this?

Why?

Why did Thor always assume the worst possible things about him?

They'd been close once.

What happened?

He didn't need to ask himself that question, he already knew.

What happened was spending an entire childhood as the lesser son.

What happened was a lifetime wasted pursuing the pride and affection of a man who only ever saw him as property, a display piece, something to lock away when no longer useful.

What happened was an endless competition for limited approval against an opponent with several major advantages. Running a race that was rigged from the start.

What happened currently lay dying in the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

He neared the long hall leading to Odin's bedroom on his way out, but a voice echoed down the hall, catching his attention.

“Loki?” Eir, one of the home nurses charged with Odin's care, beckoned for him to come closer.

“Yes?”

“I must step away from Odin for a few moments. Will you sit with him until I get back?”

Loki balked. “Where is mother? She's not left his side-”

“Frigga is out with your sister at the moment. Her wish is that Odin not be left alone. I will be back shortly. You can call if anything happens.” With that, Eir ushered him into Odin's bedroom before taking her leave.

Loki regarded the old man's fragile form. Overcome with that same sick, helpless feeling he'd had at the hospital, Loki sank into the chair beside the bed. Odin did not stir.

Loki scratched at his hand, mind racing. For all his anger, he could not deny the small child inside of him, lost and confused at the sight of a parent about to die. And the love that child still yearned for. What was he supposed to do? Sit here? Talk to Odin? Did it even matter if he, or anyone else, was in the room? Would Odin even want Loki to be here?

“You'd probably berate me for doing this wrong, if you were awake,” Loki remarked. He hadn't intended on saying it aloud, but his thoughts spilled into words almost without his notice. When the comment was not met with Odin's usual harsh temper, Thor's belittling jabs, nor Frigga's admonishments, Loki took a deep breath. Never before was he permitted to speak freely in Odin's presence. With no one else listening.

“Contrary to what anyone else may think, I am not as callous and spiteful as you claim,” he went on, adding, rather pointedly. “And I am far from the only family disappointment.”

“You wanted to be _a_ father, but you never wanted to be _my_ father. And I only ever wanted to be your son, as much as Thor is your son.” Loki's voice rose slightly. He regarded Odin's silent form as the floodgates within creaked open. “All my life you made me vie for approval that you never planned to give me. The harder I tried, the more you withheld. You never told me you loved me. You never told me you were proud of me. You never even told me you liked me. So I responded in kind.”

Loki swallowed against his tightened throat. “I have looked for another father everywhere. Teachers. Professors. Laufey...” he scoffed. “I'm rather glad I won't have to hear your reaction to how that worked out.”

Tears pricked at his eyes. “But it never worked. I never found that father, because that father should have been you, not them. Wasted years wondering what was wrong with me, why I wasn't worthy of you. But I should have asked if you were worthy of _me_. Were you doing enough to earn _my_ affections? Why was I the one who always had to adapt, when you turned your back on me during my darkest hour?” Memories flashed of the aftermath of New York. “I grew to despise everything about you. I despised how you treated everyone around you. I despised how you dragged me into this family just to make yourself look good. I despised how you made no secret of your preference for Thor over me.”

“And what I despise most of all is that I do love you,” Loki let the tears fall. “I shouldn't love you. I have tried so hard not to love you. I want to hate you. But you were my only father and I can't. And I hate myself for it.” His voice broke.

The last drop of anger, pain, and fear wrenched from his system, Loki slid back in the chair, watching Odin, looking for some reaction.

Nothing.

Not a tear, a shift in heart rate, not even a blink.

He didn't know what he'd expected. The old man never listened to him in life, why should that change on the brink of death? Their last moment ended like every other: with Loki pleading, raging, wasting his breath to be heard, to be understood, and Odin oblivious to his second son. It changed nothing.

“...Brother?”

Thor stood in the doorway, clutching the power of attorney document in his hands.

Mortified, Loki stormed out of the room, brushing past Thor before his bewildered brother could say another word. He nearly sprinted down the hall and out of the doors, determined not to set foot in the house again.

Odin passed later that night.

Odin was buried on the first truly warm day of the year, amid a frenzy of viewings from various business associates, distant relatives, and employees who felt a sense of obligation to the family. Loki took his place after Thor, at the end of the family line up. Relatives from Frigga's side, Thor's friends, and various people Loki did not recognize gathered at the cemetery after the service. He listened to the eulogies, comforted a weeping Frigga, thanked the various guests who gave their condolences, but said little. Odin was gone. The father figure he'd spent his life trying to make proud, whose genuine affection he'd craved, was dead. And he'd never found either of those things, and now never would. That knowledge didn't break him in the way he feared it would. Ever since his outburst in Odin's room, something shifted, deep within. It didn't matter if Odin hadn't heard a word of it, not anymore. He'd said what he'd needed to say, and while a strange empty sensation lingering in his gut, a weight had lifted.

As he'd suspected, there was no mention of him in Odin's will. Nor of Hela. Frigga got most of the estate as the executor. And Thor the remaining equity in Asgard Properties, along with a handsome six-figure payday, on the contingency that Thor take up his position as owner and CEO of the company. Loki wasn't upset at the exclusion, he'd given up hope of being included long ago. In truth he'd nearly laughed at the announcement. How very typical of Odin, pulling strings and pitting his children against each other, an attempt to assert his control long after he'd died.

As the casket was lowered into the ground, flowers thrown over top, Frigga placing her hand on the darkened wood until she could reach it no more, Thor cleared his throat as he stood beside Loki.

“I want you to know, I'm not taking it,” said Thor.

“What?”

“The inheritance.”

Loki shrugged. “It's your money, Thor. Do with it what you will.”

“I can't accept it,” Thor rambled. His eyes were bloodshot and his voice unsteady. “Because that money isn't for me. It's for the man he wants me to be. I can't run the company that way he would want me to. I don't want to turn into him.”

“You don't have to explain to me-”

“No, I do,” Thor continued. “I heard you talking to him. The other day.”

Loki bristled, but said nothing.

“I've been so oblivious.” Thor wiped at his face. “About him. And how...how he acted toward you. I never realized-”

“Brother-”

“Let me finish!” Thor growled, then thought better and softened. “The point is, I'm sorry. There were so many things that make more sense now and I should have noticed...maybe if I had...”

Loki furrowed his brow. Now this was unexpected. Not Thor turning down his big windfall, but his sudden clarity about Odin. And now of all times. Perhaps Odin's control wouldn't last as long as he'd thought. He patted Thor's back. “Thank you.”

By now the guests had broken off into smaller groups, talking among themselves. Others made the walk up the hill to the parking lot. Frigga stood near the gave, mouthing something the brothers were too far to hear.

“We probably should go back to the house with her, so she's not alone,” Loki remarked.

“Right.”

Hela stood a few feet away, out of earshot. She'd been unusually silent throughout the funeral, with an uncertainty in her demeanor Loki had never seen from her. He and Thor looked at each other, then joined their older sister.

“I thought this would be easier,” Hela said, studying the tombstone. “I do this every day. But when it's your own...”

“We're going back to the house, for Mom,” Thor offered. “If you wanted to come with us.”

Hela looked up at Thor, a look of genuine surprise on her face, so unlike their sardonic, jaded sister. Caught off guard, it took Hela a moment of recover, but in the end she gave a slight nod. Loki took one long, last look at Odin's grave, the final resting place of his so much of his inner turmoil. The turmoil wasn't gone, but the looming shadows seemed so much smaller in light of the early spring morning.

He stepped away from the grave, ready to leave the grave behind when the strange sensation of being watched needled him. He cast his eyes about, though no one nearby seemed interested in him. Until his gaze reached the outskirts of the cemetery.

Near the top of the hill stood a small, lone figure, watching him and him only. Despite the distance between them, Loki knew her the instant he saw her.

Sigyn.

“Excuse me a moment,” he said to his siblings before striding up the hill. As he approached, she tensed up slightly, taking a visible deep breath, eyes widening. She looked paler, more tired, then she had when he'd seen her last. Yet lovely as ever. And more importantly, she was here. Standing right in front of him.

“Sigyn. Hi.”

“I got your message,” Sigyn replied, fidgeting with the lapel of her jacket. “I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about your father.”

Loki stared, incredulous. “You're here.”

“There were news articles,” Sigyn explained. “I almost didn't come but.. Did-did you want me to come? Is that why you called me?”

“Sigyn...”

Sigyn's face fell. “Shit, I'm sorry...this was inappropriate of me. I shouldn't have invaded your family life like this. I'll leave you alone.”

“No,” Loki protested. The threat of her slipping though his fingers snapped him out of his trance. “Please. Let me talk to you.”

Sigyn's eyes met his. “Are you okay?”

Away from the eyes and ears of family, free from the judgment of Odin, and in the presence of the one soul who made him feel accepted, Loki gave the honest answer: “I don't know. I've been taken apart.”

“Oh Loki...” Sigyn soothed. “Is...is there something I can do? To help you?”

“It's good to see you,” He began. “I just needed to be near you.”

“Yeah. I'm glad you called me. I would have reached out sooner but...it took awhile to figure out what I wanted to do. And then get the courage to see you.”

He moved forward to embrace her, but she tensed. He drew back, though her hesitance wounded him. His extended hand hung in the space between them.

“Um...”

The wind blew a lock of Sigyn's hair in front of her face. Loki reached out to smooth it back behind her ear, but thought better of it. He watched as Sigyn brushed the errant curl aside, so wishing he could touch her.

“I'm sorry, Sigyn,” said Loki. “I'm sorry I broke your heart. Losing the partner title had nothing to do with you.”

“I know.” Sigyn shifted, looking at the ground. She eyed his extended hand.

“I've never stopped thinking about you.”

“Yeah...” Sigyn bit her lip. “We had something really beautiful.”

“We did.” It wounded him to hear her speaking in the past tense. He turned his extended hand so that his palm faced upward. He ached for her to step closer, to let him hold her. Sigyn raised her hand, almost taking his, but pausing just out of reach. She drew back slightly, uncertain, and looked up at Loki.

“Listen, I didn't come here to make you feel bad,” Sigyn said with a shake of her head. “I came because you needed someone to support you. A...friend?”

_A friend. She doesn't want me back after all. _Loki thought, seeing her hesitant nature around him, the wounded look on her face. Could he really blame her, after what he'd done? She didn't owe him anything, that she'd come here at all was nothing short of a miracle. He had no right to expect her to take him back. He had nothing left to lose now, only to tell her the truth.

“You're not making me feel bad. I have only myself to blame for that.” Loki smiled ruefully.

“Loki, we don't have to rehash everything right now.”

“No, Sigyn. I owe you an apology.” Perhaps this would be the last time he'd ever see her. He couldn't let her leave without telling her what she'd meant to him.

“I was so hung up on pursuing what I didn't have, I lost track of keeping what I did have,” Loki confessed. “Losing you will always be my biggest regret. I don't expect you to forgive me. I love you, Sigyn. And if you never want to see me again, I understand. I just want you to know that.”

“It hurt so bad.” Sigyn took a breath, her hand lingering above Loki's palm, not quite making contact. “But I don't want to talk...if it's just going to hurt both of us even more.”

_How did you think this was going to end? _Loki chastised himself. He'd had more to say, he'd talk for hours if it meant she would listen, if it meant being near her. But it was not to be. He withdrew, tucking his hand back into his pocket.

“Thank you,” he said at length, fighting back the tears. “For coming. I must get back to my family. Farewell.” He started off back down the hill, leaving her there, watching.

“Loki?”

Loki paused after a few steps, and turned.

“There's a new tea shop that opened near the university. I hear the tea selection is so huge that the menu has a table of contents.” Sigyn began with a slight, hopeful smile. “Maybe we could try it sometime? Say, Thursday?”

“Yes.” Loki smiled softly. “I'd like that.”


	22. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sigyn finally reveal their feelings over tea.

Meeting at Silent Tempest, the tea shop, Loki felt even more nervous than on their very first date at the High Point. This wasn't just a casual drink with a relative stranger. This time, if things didn't go well, he knew exactly what he'd lose. He waited in the small, wicker chair near the front door, attempting to study the menu booklet- with an entire table of contents, as promised- but he gaze kept roving over the sidewalk, waiting for her. He'd hoped she'd appear, that she hadn't changed her mind.

Just before their appointed meeting time, she emerged through the doors, eyes casting about to find him. Relieved, Loki strode over to greet her.

“Sigyn.”Unsure how receptive she'd be to his touching her, he settled for clasping her upper arm. “Hello, darling.”

Sigyn smiled softly. “Hi. Thank you for meeting me. I...was worried you might not come.”

“I've been looking forward to this,” Loki admitted as they sat. “Seeing you.”

“So have I.” There was a shyness, a reticence to her demeanor that reminded Loki just how badly he'd hurt her, and the trust he would need to restore between them. But here she was, meeting him again, and it was a start.

He handed her the menu booklet. Her eyes widened at the breadth of the tea on offer, sorting first by type and then by region, with specialty blends and food items in the back. Her brow furrowed as she looked page by page, reading over each blend. Loki smiled, watching her intent decision-making.

“Did you decide before I got here?” she asked. She'd just finished looking over the Green tea section and moved on to Oolongs.

“Indeed. Earl grey with honey and milk.”

“Earl Grey? With so many other options here?”

“It's a barometer of sorts,” Loki explained. “Any tea shop worth its salt ought to have a decent Earl Grey. If this passes muster, I will be amenable to the other selections. Otherwise, how else will I gauge the quality? Perhaps I may not like the tea I ordered, but the shop is excellent.”

“I see,” Sigyn giggled, still inspecting the booklet. It was good to hear her laugh, even a small one, after all this time. “Very scientific.”

While Sigyn continued examining the booklet, Loki tilted his head back, taking in the shop around them. Right withing walking distance of the university, many of the tables in small, eclectic shop were taken up by students hovering over laptops and notebooks, though there were a few bigger spaces along the walls and towards the back for larger groups. Ambient music piped through the small speakers, and random, mismatched artwork framed the walls. Little teapots and cups for sale were displayed along the front counter. Aside from the chalk board posted outside, Loki would have nearly missed the place if he'd passed it on the street.

Finally, Sigyn looked up. “Okay, jasmine and lily flowering tea it is. Do we order up at the counter?”

“We ring this bell to summon someone.” Loki pointed at the little bell on the table.

Sigyn reached for the bell, then paused. “I feel strange ringing a bell to summon someone. It feels snobbish.”

“No one will find it snobbish if you ring the bell. That's what the bell is for, darling.”

“You do it.”

Chuckling, Loki rang the bell. After they'd ordered, a silence came over them. Loki, unsure what to say to her to bridge the gap between them. Sigyn, looking down at her hands, a soft, wounded look in her eyes that made Loki want to embrace her, yet he knew he was the cause of her pain. There were things she wanted to say to him, and he waited for her to speak.

Finally, Sigyn cleared her throat. “How have you been holding up?”

“Well enough,” Loki replied. _Though I would be much better if I had you. _“My bereavement leave ends tomorrow, though. Back to work soon.”

“Still with Laufey?”

“For now, yes.”

Sigyn nodded.

“And how is school?” Loki asked. A safe topic. One that would give her a chance to open up a bit more.

“It's good.”

“Good?”

“Mm-hm.” Sigyn's hair fell over her face, and she swept it back with one hand, while her posture remained slightly hunched over, her other hand tucked under her sleeve.

Loki pursed his lips. Sigyn usually told him everything about her classes, her assignments, her professors, the university. It wasn't like her to give monosyllabic answers. Did she really lose all her trust in him? Was she regretting coming here?

The server returned with a tray carrying two teapots, one a dark blue ceramic, the other a clear glass with a tight ball of tea floating near the bottom of hot water, along with two tea cups, honey, and a milk pourer. He set the tray down. The dark teapot went to Loki's side, the steam carrying the scent of bergamot through the spout. The glass teapot went to Sigyn.

“Let that steep for a few minutes,” the server said to Sigyn. “You'll see the ball unfurl. It'll bloom and turn the water green when it's ready.”

Loki poured his tea, methodically adding just the right amount of honey and milk and stirring with the tiny spoon. Sigyn watched the ball of tea float around in her teapot. A few streams of green released into the water as leaves spiked away from the sphere here and there.

Loki sat back, allowing the steam to release from the teapot.

“Loki?” Sigyn's voice was barely audible across the table. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Loki braced himself. He took a tentative first sip of his tea, hoping to calm his nerves.

“Why _did _you do it? Break up with me?”

The question Loki knew was coming, yet he was still not fully prepared to answer. He set down his cup and gave her the best explanation he could muster.

“The truth is, I have faced the worst moments of my life alone,” Loki began. “I've wanted nothing more than someone to understand me, to help me face my problems but... I didn't know what I was supposed to do when I needed you. Being vulnerable doesn't come naturally to me, Sigyn. Shutting things away, pushing people away, is all I've known. When I lost my promotion...the shock...I pushed you away because I didn't want to let you see me fall apart. So I shut out the one person on earth I loved more than anything.”

“If you loved me, why wouldn't you let me be there for you?”

“It scares me, letting my guard down. In the past it's gotten me hurt. Letting in the wrong person, being too open...I'm afraid to surrender. I was taught not to surrender.”

“I see.” Sigyn stared down at her teapot. More green colored the water as the leaves unfurled. “And when you get disappointed again...what happens?”

“Hey,” Loki reached over to take her hand. “I know nothing I can say will undo the pain I caused you. I will never forgive myself for it. You don't owe me another chance. I will never be a perfect partner. Perhaps I can be better. I am willing to try.”

“I never wanted perfection from you, Loki. I only ever wanted you to trust me. To let me know you like no one else.”

“It's hard for me to trust, Sigyn. But I think with you...I know with you...I can. Do you know you're the first person to ever hear about...about New York? The full story? That was hard for me. But I am glad I told you.”

“You said you wished you never met me.”

Loki closed his eyes. He wanted to smack his past self, so intent on getting her to leave so he could suffer alone, regardless of the damage it would cause her.

“I didn't mean it, Sigyn,” Loki implored. “I never should have said that. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Until you came along I didn't realize how little I had. I have ached every day since we parted.”

Sigyn bit her lip. Loki saw small tear drops forming in her lowered eyes. She flicked them away with her sleeve. Beside her, the teapot water had turned mostly green, with the leaves uncurling to reveal a little flower inside.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I've had a...hard time without you, too.”

“Oh sweetheart.” Loki reached over, brushing her hair back from her face and caressing her cheek. “I'm here, Sigyn. I'm here.”

Sigyn leaned into his touch, pressed her hand against his. She breathed in, eyes closed, as though she'd found something she'd lost and never thought she'd see again.

“Will you stay?” She asked. “Now that you're here again?”

Loki slid his hand down to cup her chin, until her eyes met his.

“Of course. I needed you that night, Sigyn. Just as I have needed you every night. Ever since we met.”

Beneath them, Sigyn's flowering teapot unfurled, revealing the flower in full bloom surrounded by green. Fully steeped and ready.

“I forgive you, Loki,” she said softly. “I love you.”

They emerged from the tea shop a few hours later, pausing outside the doors. Loki reluctant to let Sigyn go, yet uncertain if she wanted him to stay.

“I'm glad we did this,” Sigyn commented, shuffling her feet. “It was good to just talk.”

“It was,” Loki replied. “But one final touch is needed, I think.”

Loki reached into his pocket, pulling out the little snake brooch.

“You left this,” he said. “The night I...broke your heart.”

Sigyn stared at the little gold snake. “I...I thought...”

“It's yours. It has always been yours.” He pressed the brooch onto her palm. “Reclaim it.”

Loki smoothed his hands down her shoulders, looking her over. He leaned in, and she stood on her toes, their lips meeting for the first time in ages. The flutter of nerves in his gut hit with far more intensity than the first time he'd kissed her. In an instant, her arms wrapped over his shoulders while he took hold of her waist, deepening the kiss. This was it, what he'd needed over these last few weeks. He never wanted to let her go. 

Their lips parted, and Loki pulled her in close, resting his jawline against the top of her head. The gentle warmth of her body against his. How good it was to be near her.

“I missed you,” Sigyn murmured into his jacket.

“I missed you, too.” Loki brushed his lips over her hairline.

Sigyn looked up at him. “Do you have...anything else happening after this?”

“I may have an open schedule,” Loki replied, caressing her arm. “If you had something in mind.”

“There's a 21+ night happening at the downtown public library,” Sigyn explained. “It's a fundraiser but I get a student discount. If you want to come with me. It starts at 8.”

“Ah, but there are a good few hours between now and then,” Loki remarked after a moment. “How will we fill that time?”

Sigyn grinned. “I'm sure we can think of something.”

“Well then. Shall we?” Loki offered his hand. Sigyn readily took it.

They walked down the city streets, hands entwined, into the early evening where the warm afternoon sun pushed away the last vestiges of winter cold into the shadows.


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn and Loki enjoy a quiet moment at the end of the semester.

The semester ended with little fanfare. Sigyn submitted the last of her final projects just before their deadlines, and that was it. A first year of grad school completed. Unlike undergrad, most people seemed more preoccupied with pushing forward to the summer semester, finding work, or making travel arrangements to home or elsewhere to mark the occasion.

Loki, however, insisted on taking her out more or less the moment she clicked the final submit button on her last project. They'd gone for a celebratory dinner at one of the cafes not far from the university park, one with outdoor seating so they could enjoy the new warm air.

Shyness had overtaken her that day at the tea shop, and at the funeral. She knew she loved Loki, that much was certain. But her mind kept asking if Loki really loved her, if he really did want her back. She'd needed to feel, in her gut, in her being, that giving him another chance was the right choice. She feared he might change his mind about her after all. She did not want her hopes to get too high too soon, only to be hurt again. Much as she desired nothing more than to melt into his arms, to tell him everything would be alright, she'd kept her guard up, wary of being blindsided again.

But it hadn't taken long for Sigyn to remember how good Loki made her feel. The moment they made eye contact after the funeral, he weakened her knees with a mere glance. He'd been through so much since she'd seen him last, yet it was clear his love for her never waned. Despite her hesitation, she could not ignore her true feelings. They did have something good. Something special. And she didn't want to give up something good too easily.

Bit by bit, Loki had started to share with her. About Odin's death. His complex, tenuous relationship with Thor. His feelings about losing the partnership. Sigyn listened, let him tell her as much, or as little, as he needed. Always with her hand over his, letting him know she was there for him. He would need her a lot over the upcoming days, weeks, months. He'd been through so much in such a short time. He'd need time to heal.

Now, hand-in-hand, they walked along the illuminated footbridge over the river that lead to the outskirts of the park. The setting sun gave way to the deep cobalt sky, and as the daylight dimmed, so the park gradually emptied of people. Sigyn shivered at the evening chill, and Loki was quick to drape his jacket over her.

“Have you plans for the summer?” Loki asked.

“A few classes,” said Sigyn. “Online, one-credit, about three weeks each. But they'll add up. And working at the university library. Also, I was approved for that field experience!”

“Assisting with the museum camps?”

“Yes,” Sigyn beamed. “I'm so excited.”

“Full speed ahead. Excellent.”

“And you? Have things been awkward at the firm?”

“The first few days were not exactly pleasant,” Loki admitted. “But Laufey is but one attorney heading up one law firm. His approval is no longer a prerequisite to my self-worth. I will find my own way.”

Sigyn squeezed his hand. “It's good to hear you say that. You seem...freer lately.”

“I am...” Loki said after a moment. “There's a weight gone...but I know not what will fill it.”

“Good things, I hope.” Sigyn stood on her toes to give Loki an encouraging kiss. “You deserve to find happiness.”

Loki cupped her chin. “Oh, but I already have.” He kissed her passionately.

“Mmph!” Sigyn's muffled cry of surprise as Loki caught her off-guard. Swept up in his intensity, she regained her senses and returned his affections in equal fervor. Having him back was like finding an old treasure, both familiar and new at the same time. _This was worth it_, she thought. _He means the world to me. _

“It is getting late,” said Loki when they paused for air. “Would you like to call it a night?”

“Actually...” Sigyn replied as her cheeks flushed. “I'd like to stay with you tonight. If you'll have me.”

Loki looked into her eyes. He took hold of both her hands as a soft, earnest look overtook his face. “Oh Sigyn, I would love to have you.”

Later that night, they lay together under the sheets, Sigyn resting her head against Loki's chest, listening to soft rhythm of his heartbeat and slow, even breaths, Loki's hand buried in her hair, his other arm supporting her back. Back in his condo, her little bag in its usual spot under the bedside table. There was nowhere else in the world she wanted to be than here, with Loki, surrounded by his warmth, his sensual touch, his scent. Him.

“I love you,” he whispered, shifting to snuggle her closer.

A deep contentment eased over her. A warm, safe feeling. A certainty that she was exactly where she belonged. A certainty that she was loved. And she new exactly what to call that feeling:

_Home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read, commented, and left kudos on this fic! It means a lot that so many people enjoyed it and I had so much fun writing this! I'm a little sad to end this fic but look forward to a new one.


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